Episode 24: The Sister Wives Controversy: Inside America's Polygamist TV Family

Kody Brown and His Wives: A Polygamist Family

Recap
If you haven't heard, TLC has a new reality show called Sister Wives, about polygamist Kody Brown and his multiple wives. After converting to fundamentalist Mormonism at age 21, he married Meri 20 years ago, Janelle three years later, and Christine one year after that. He says he just fell in love, then again, and then again. Meri is the only legal wife; since plural marriage isn't legal in the United States, each other marriage was a spiritual ceremony, presumably performed by a minister that agrees with their Mormon polygamist faith.

Meri was raised in a polygamist family, so she expected that eventually Kody would marry another wife. Janelle was from mainstream (non-polygamist) Mormonism, but says that Kody was such a great guy that she warmed to the idea and thus married him. Christine was raised in a polygamist family and she tells us that she desired the sister wives and the family even more than she wanted a husband. The family has 13 children between the three wives.

Today they are discussing the fact that Utah, the state where they live, has launched a felony polygamy investigation into the family; if convicted, Kody could face 16 years in prison and each wife could face 5 years in prison. Oprah asks why they chose to do the show on TLC, and Kody says it's because they wanted to shine light into something that tends to be kept secret, so that others who live this way can be transparent. They all insist that they are a very normal family--the kids play go to public school, play the Wii, and go to the mall; the family lives in the suburbs in a sub-division, they have monogamous (traditionally married) neighbors and friends; Meri and Janelle work outside the home (though Meri was recently terminated because of the show) and Christine is the "home mom", etc.

Oprah asks how the women all get along and why they call one another sister wives. They say that's simply the name, and that the show is named thusly because that's the aspect most people wonder about. They say they are all dear friends and Oprah quips that you can be sisters and not be friends.

The Brown's Home & How the Wives "Share" Kody
After the break, we learn about the Brown's home. It was built by a polygamist and is rather fascinating. It's three separate apartments, with full living spaces (kitchen, living, dining, etc) but all interconnected. You can actually see a tour of the home here. Each family (wife and children)has their own space, but everyone can gather together and flow into one another.

Each wife as her own bedroom, and Kody is allowed to come into whichever one he wants, but Meri makes it clear--Kody comes in alone. They don't do "weird stuff". Oprah jokes about the kinkiness everyone assumes goes on later, but the wives are all very clearly only sexually interested in Kody. Kody rotates on a schedule so that each wife gets an equal amount of time for him. Kody insists he's in love with each one them, and Christine explains that each wife knows her relationship with Kody must be good in order for it to work for the whole family. Additionally, Christine and Janelle shoot down the rumors that they want out, and Meri makes it clear that each wife chose this.

Adding A Fourth Wife
Oprah asks if each wife gets to give a possible new wife the stamp of approval and Kody says that, in their family, they do. Oprah asks if this is a finite number, or if the number of wives could just grow and grow. They all insist that that they are very happy with what they have and don't want more. We learn after the break, though, that they recently added a fourth wife, Robin, a 30-year-old mother of three. We see a family meeting where Kody asks if the family wants Robin to join the family and there is a resounding yes from everyone.

We get to see a clip from the show where Meri talks about feeling jealous of Robin, and Christine describes, in tears, how devastated she had been to find out that Kody kissed Robin when they became engaged because she and Kody did not kiss until the altar. Meri explains that her jealousies are rooted in her own insecurities and that even though she chose this, it's still hard.

Robin and her children live in a separate home about 2/3 of a mile away from the rest of the family, since there are only the three apartments, but there is still a lot of back and forth and a "one big family" feel. Oprah asks why she joined the family and Robin says because, first of all, the sister wives are awesome, and secondly, it's a good way, essentially, to force her to learn to share and be generous. Oprah talks about another plural marriage family where one woman described the lifestyle as one of self-improvement, to force oneself to learn how to be a better person.

Monogamy Within Polygamy

Oprah asks about what would happen if Kody were fooling around outside of the four wives. They all are quick to explain this is absolutely taboo. Additionally, Robin and Kody followed a strict moral code regarding physical intimacy while they were courting and until they became married. Oprah asks Christine about her being bothered by Kody kissing Robin, and Christine says it's awkward. Oprah says that it seems strange for Kody kissing Robin to be awkward since they are sitting their with their sister wives; it seems like they should be ok with the kissing if they're ok with the multiple wives.

We see a clip from Meri and Kody's 20th anniversary dinner, where Meri is talking to Kody about her jealousy issues. She asks how he'd feel if she had another husband, and he says it's vulgar, it seems wrong to God and nature, and that it sickens him to even think of it. He knows it seems hypocritical, and he says that he feels like he's admitting that what he is doing is completely and totally not fair. He says that he can't go there, to even address that emotion of imagining her with another man; Meri says that it's in her face every day, and in Janelle's face, and in Christine's face.

Dealing With Jealousy
Meri says, back in the studio, that the point was making him see how she's feeling, not that she would take another husband. They don't believe in that. Oprah asks if they can see that it's a double standard and each wife insists that it looks that way but it's not. They insist that they are happy, despite jealousy issues, becasue they work through their feelings of selfishness and insecurity and get over it.

Oprah asks how well it's really working when the cameras are off, since the addition of Robin on camera was all cheery but  all three wives are admitting struggling with jealousy of Robin. Robin says sometimes she feels like a homewrecker who came in and made things messy in this perfect family, yet the other wives each insist that despite their own jealousy issues they love Robin and the arrangement is definitely for the best.

The Kids
After the break, we see the younger girls playing with Barbies. There are four mommy Barbies and one daddy doll. Robin describes the children fighting over the daddy doll, and how she explains that just like the mommies have to share daddy, the girls have to share the daddy doll.

In the studio, Oprah has four of the oldest children, ranging from 14-16 years old. The son, 16-year-old Logan only calls his mom, Janelle, Mom. He says the family is intense, that his friends with monogamous parents have much quieter homes, but he loves his family and had a happy childhood. Oprah asks if he's considering the polygamist lifestyle and he says he's not there yet, that his biggest thought is that he has homework after the show. Mariah, Meri's only child, thinks it's fun to have so many siblings or else she'd be an only child.

After another break, Oprah asks if the children struggle with jealousy, and they insist that they love getting plenty of attention from three, now four, moms, and their dad is there loving them when he gets home from work. They talk about how holidays turn into big, huge celebrations. Say, for Thanksgiving, each makes their special traditions but they love not having to make the entire dinner.

Oprah ends by asking how they make it work financially, and they remind us that Christine is the home mom, Kody has a great job, Janelle is "career woman", Meri normally works (she plans to try and keep working despite losing her job), and Robin is looking for a job. Meri says they stretch their money just like any American family, since they have 16 kids and Kody and Robin plan to have more if they're able.

Oprah thanks them for coming on the show and we're out!

Gospel Filter Review
So much in this episode. We need to start with Mormonism. I can't just throw the label "false religions" on this post and assume people agree or know why. Mormonism, funadmentalist or not, is a false religion. Ultimately, they do not believe at the core of their faith in a Trinitarian God nor that Jesus is the only Son of God. Mormon teaching includes Jesus being the brother of Satan, and a central belief to Mormon theology is that, for men, you worship and obey God in order to, if you're good enough, inherit your own planet and be God of that planet. This is actually why fundamentalist Mormonism supports polygamy, because the more wives and children a man has, the more people to populate his future planet. This is a great resource if you would like further information about why Mormonism isn't Biblical; and, to be clear, as I've mentioned before(scroll down to the GFR where I examine Islam) I'm sure there is a very powerful spiritual presence, or presences, that pose as the "god" that Mormons worship, but they are evil spirits.

What the Bible says about polygamy is clear. First, God created one man and one woman and joined them in marriage in Genesis 1. King David chose to take multiple wives, though God never consented to it, and his lust for Bathsheba resulted in him having her husband murdered and taking her as yet another wife, though the Bible says his actions greatly displeased the Lord (II Samuel 11). His son with Bathsheba, King Solomon, went from having one wife whom he loved and adored (see the entire Song of Solomon), and together they loved and worshiped God. However, he took on many, many wives and concubines (essentially, women to have sex with but not marry), and his choices were based on the women's appeal to his lust, for they weren't women of God, nor godly character, and by the end of his life they had turned his heart away from God, and this angered God (I Kings 11:4, 9). Finally, numerous mentions of husbands and wives in the new testament clearly refer to one husband and one wife. I'll list all five instances below.

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:33


Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife...
I Timothy 3:2a


Let deacons each be the husband of one wife, managing their children and their own households well.
I Timothy 3:12


Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband.
I Timothy 5:9


...if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination.
Titus 1:6

Clearly, polygamy is sin and not in God's will. Those who practice it may believe it is an act of spiritual worship, but it's actually a result of their hearts believing lies that are fed to them about who God is and what He wills. The Ephesians 5 passage also makes it abundantly clear that marriage is meant to reflect Christ's heavenly marriage to the church, and while the church is made up of all Christians, the church is referred to in the Bible as one body with many parts, not multiple bodies, which further reiterates the truth that marriage equals one husband plus one wife.

Some of the verses speak clearly about the children, as well, and while we see no evidence of the Browns having crazy children, the Bible does make it clear that dads are their children's (and wife's!) first pastor. The Titus passage is actually addressed to elders/pastors (the words in are synonymous) makes it clear that if a man is not able to shepherd his family to love Jesus ultimately then he has no place shepherding a flock in the church. I've mentioned this before, regarding the Duggar's (a monogamous Christian family with 19 children), but it's hard to imagine one man with that many children being able to deeply know and love each child. It's a matter of conscience, since the Bible isn't specific about how many children becomes too many, but certainly at the point where older children are doing a large part in raising younger children because it's impossible for the parents to actually parent each child it seems like it becomes too much to have been wise.

With regard to the wives and jealousy, I think they should be! We see that husband's are meant for one wife, and wives aren't meant to share their husband, just as Christ's wife, the church body, doesn't share Jesus with whomever He decides He'd like to add into the fray. The Bible clearly demands that to be a Christian you must believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins despite living a sinless life, that He was resurrected and is now in Heaven with God the Father and He empowers you with God the Holy Spirit. For a moment, imagine if suddenly Jesus changed His mind and said that atheists are pretty smart, so now they get to go to heaven too. And then suddenly Muslims are ok. And then, later, he says that the Jews rejecting Him as Messiah are just fine, so they're in, too, and He's going to give Himself fully to them, as well.

Now, it's an imperfect analogy, because the additional wives weren't rejecting Kody, but how fair and just would God be? And how trustworthy would Jesus be if He could just decide to fall in love with some other "body" and have additional wives? He wouldn't be just or trustworthy, nor would He be righteous. Thankfully, this will never happen, because God cannot defy His own character and become unjust, unworthy, and unrighteous. Nor can He be a liar, and changing His mind about this would make Him one.

One final point--the jealousy makes sense. God is a jealous God. It's right for a woman to, in a healthy way (so, not hating other women or comparing herself to other women, etc), be jealous for her husband's affection and intimacy to be only for her and no other woman. The idea that these women are making a sacrifice that makes them better people is absurd, a lie straight from the pit of hell. The fact that these women choose to see this lifestyle as a sort of self-improvement project shows just how deceitful their hearts are, because God is about utter abandon to Himself, not self-improvement.

The Brown family, and others like them, make me sad. While I believe they are demonically deceived, they are culpable for their choice to rebel against God and believe in a false religion and allow themselves to be led astray. I pray that they would meet the real God, Jesus Christ, repent of their false religion and their sexual immorality, and teach their children the truth of the God of the Bible.

Up Tomorrow
American War Heroes: Why Are These Women Now Homeless?