Tracy's Upbringing
Tracy is 47 and says she had a very happy, middle-class upbringing by loving parents in San Jose, CA. She has a son in his early teens named Ryan from her second marriage, and when that marriage ended she took a spiritual journey to discover why she had two failed marriages. She's a self-described "free spirit."
Joseph's Upbringing
Joseph grew up only having seen his father maybe two or three times; he says that his mother went to prison when he was six years old. She killed his "brother's daddy." He was so scared that he cried himself to sleep every night; they lived in a foster home Oakland with rats and roaches. Then, while living with relatives, Mel, his older brother, says he and Joseph were sexually abused. As a teen, Joseph was homeless and started selling drugs around 12 or 13. He says his heart just grew colder and colder, and that he never had a chance at a normal life; he just wanted his mother and father.
Joseph's Crime
On January 30, 1997, at age 19, Joseph and two other men broke into the home of a rival drug dealer with five people inside. Oprah tells us in a voice over that Joseph forced them all to lie face down on the ground while holding them at gunpoint. Though witnesses (the two men with him?) say the victims begged for their lives, Joseph shot all five of them, one at a time, execution style. Two were dead, two shot multiple times but survived, and the last young woman was severely beaten and barely escaped.
At the trial, the prosecution claimed that it was the "super bowl of crimes" and wanted the death penalty, while Joseph's defense claimed that his traumatic upbringing groomed Joseph for a life of crime almost with out any other option. The jury deadlocked at six to six and Joseph was sentenced to life without the possibility of parole.
How They Met
Tracy is in the studio, and Oprah tells us that Tracy and Joseph married four days ago. Tracy is part of an African dance troupe, and once a year there is a celebration for the men (a group of men meet with the prisoners who are willing to talk through and deal with their issues of rage, processing their emotions) where her troupe performed at the prison. Tracy met Joseph and they were just chatting and there was a strong connection right away. Oprah asked if Tracy was attracted to him, and she says he was an attractive man but she wasn't "going to go there" with a man in prison. When she left, though, Joesph took her hands and told Tracy he was giving her his heart. Tracy says this touched her deeply, and she thought about Joseph quite a bit before her mind said, "What are you doing... you're not gonna go there."
Before the Wedding
Cameras are in Tracy's home the night before the wedding. She has her outfit--a super colorful skirt and shirt combination--laid out. The prison has strict rules for weddings and Joseph's ring has to cost under $100. Tracy even has to provide the prison with a receipt to prove the cost of the ring, because if it's too valuable then it might be stolen. We learn that Joseph is allowed to call up to twice a day, and Tracy never knows when those calls may come. This time he calls at 7:55 pm and tells Tracy that he's starting to get nervous; it's cute, in the typical "night before getting married jitters" kind of way.
The next morning we see Tracy, excited about her wedding day. Her son Ryan is "excited and maybe a little nervous", saying he's never been to a wedding before and only to the prison once before the wedding day. At the prison, Tracy puts a clunky white sweater on top of her tight purple top, because the prison has strict rules about how tight clothing is allowed to be. Tracy, Ryan, and a couple others go in. Cameras are not allowed to follow, but onscreen text tells us that the ceremony last 20 minutes and Tracy stayed inside for four hours. We see her and Ryan walk out and she cheerfully exclaims, "I'm a married woman! Yay!" and shows off her ring and "beautiful pictures." She's literally giddy.
Support
In the studio, Oprah asks about Ryan, and Tracy says Ryan supports her decisions just as she supports his. Oprah asks about Tracy's parents, and Tracy says her mother doesn't support the decision and wanted her to change her mind and not marry Joseph. Oprah asks why it wasn't satisfactory to love and care and respect Joseph without marriage, and why was marriage necessary. Tracy says that they are working toward the same goal of their path on a spiritual journey, her on the "outside" and him on the "inside". Oprah asks if they've had a conversation about Joseph murdering people execution style and Tracy says that they both feel as though that person, the man who did those things doesn't exist anymore.
How the Actual Relationship Started
Joseph is on the phone, and Oprah asks him about that first time they met. Joseph says he just knew she was "the one." Oprah asks him about that concept, since he's in prison without parole, if he considered the thought of a life beyond the prison walls. Joseph says that never entered his mind; he just knew he wanted to be with her. Tracy said it took her an entire of considering it, without contact. Another performance a year later at another performance led to another connection that left Tracy considering a relationship, and she told Joseph she was ready to start writing letters and see where the relationship went.
Oprah says it's the "weirdest ass thing" and asks Tracy what it was for her to consider a relationship with a man in prison for murder. Tracy says that, first of all, she knew the prison was very secure and she was personally safe. Secondly, though, she saw Joseph for who he was and gave him the chance for her to simply know him. Joseph reiterates this, saying that Tracy changed him because she gave him "the space to just be [himself]." Tracy taught him what love was, something he'd never known before, with her open heart, which gave him the strength to grow.
Deserving Life After Committing Murder
Oprah bluntly tells Joseph that he murdered two people, took two lives, and "what people want to know" is why he deserves to be happy. Joseph replies that, first of all, he's still alive so if he didn't have a mission left to fulfill on earth then he wouldn't be here. Secondly, he doesn't think he deserves anything. He says that God or a spirit or whatever is very forgiving. He then says that he deserves it because he went through the process of changing himself. He says he chose to be happy, to forgive himself for all he had done. Oprah asks if he owned up to what he has done, and he says that yes he has. He read books on meditation and did work on himself. He says he's not in a guilt place and can't live there, but he has remorse and takes full responsibility for what he has done.
Marital Faithfulness and Sex
Oprah asks Joseph if he expects Tracy to remain faithful; he says he expects her to do what she told him she would do. Oprah tells him he "did not answer the question, sir" with a light hearted tone and he laughs. He says he'll keep it real, and that yes he expects her to be faithful. Oprah asks about conjugal visits, and he says that they're hoping they'll change the rules but as of right now they cannot have a family visit. Oprah makes it clear that she meant sex and Tracy explains that they're called "family visits" now. Tracy says they expect the system to change.
Sustaining A Marriage
Oprah asks Tracy how she expects to sustain a "normal" marriage 5 years out from now. Tracy says that she was already sustaining that lifestyle before she met Joseph, that she had gone without sex for 1, 3, 5 years. She feels it "not anything dramatically life altering" to not have sex for that long. Oprah thanks Joseph and Tracy for their time and goes to break.
***
Nuns
Oprah tells us she had a fascinating time last year with nuns in a convent in Ann Arbor, MI. Through clips, we revisit that show. Of the more than 750,000 Catholic nuns in the world, 60,000 are here in the United States. The average age of the 113 she spoke with in Ann Arbor, the average age is only 28. Oprah had a profound moment when one nun said, "If you don't believe in something greater than yourself then you'll never do anything greater than yourself."
Becoming Nuns
This year, cameras were allowed in the convent again and we see 22 young women enter to begin the process of becoming nuns; at this stage they are called "aspirants." Oprah tells us in a voice over that they will, "never have sex, will never own possessions, will never have their own money for the rest of their lives." We see a 27 year old woman who says she loved the idea of marriage but ended a relationship a year ago and she's ready to commit to Christ fully. One girl is just 16 years old, while another is fresh out of graduation from Harvard. Another girl, 18, likens becoming a nun to when you meet the person you're supposed to marry; for her, it's committing her life to God. That said, the process lasts one year and the women are allowed to leave at any time. The families and friends say good-bye; for the next year the girls are only allowed to write letters home, but there are no calls and it sounds like few visits allowed. The women aren't allowed any cell phones or computers in the convent at all.
Their "Wedding Day"
The day when a woman says her vows to become a nun and completes the sometimes 8-year-long process is called her "wedding day", to her groom, Jesus Christ. The vows are considered eternal, and their habit with a white veil is considered their wedding dress. The sisters are given a black veil; after five years in the black veil, the nuns say a final set of vows. There is even a reception, a party, replete with cake. We see the new nuns cut the take together. There are even young girls, early teens, who talk about how appealing it is to marry and spend their whole life with Jesus. One mom does say it's hard to not have her daughter marry a young man and raise a family, but one nun says that she is a full-fledged bride of Christ and her love is eternal.
Material vs. Eternal
One sister in the studio discusses with Oprah that for her, the decision to become a nun came at 31 when she sat in her apartment, which she had just finished decorating, and stared at her TV and stereo system and realized that she could give it all up and it wouldn't mean a "hill of beans." Oprah inquires about materialism, and the sister says that she believes that as humans we all look for what is beautiful, good, and true. For her, she sought those things in material possessions and simply never found them, but found them in her calling to be a bride of Christ.
Parental Support
Another sister describes to Oprah how, upon announcing her decision to become a nun, it was the first time she ever saw her father get angry. He didn't want her to do it. However, before she left for the convent, he told her, "If you get there and you hate it we will buy you a plane ticket and fly you home. However, if you get there and you love it, we will come and visit you." The sister is touched by how supportive and loving her parents were despite their initial opposition. She says her family changed and now they value their relationship so much more.
Age
Oprah asks how young is too young, and one of the head sisters tells Oprah that it's about maturity, not age. She says you would never accept someone who is 16 unless you're certain they are mature enough to make the informed decision. However, someone in their 40s can lack the maturity to make the decision with the maturity that a 15 year old can have.
The sisters tell Oprah they pray for her every day, still, and Oprah jokes about how everyone's skin looks so great. She thanks the sisters for their time and we're out!
Gospel Filter Review (GFR)
The major thing that stands out to me about Tracy and Joseph was simply a sadness that they spoke of a "spiritual" journey but never spoke of Jesus. Additionally, Joseph spoke of changing himself and meditation, and Tracy spoke of her spiritual journey of looking inside to assess why she had two failed marriages. I've written about it before, but the answers are not within us! I highly recommend that if you are new you read previous GFR's about the heart. The basic premise is that inside of us is wickedness and we just keep getting more and more wicked the deeper we dig; outside of us is Jesus. He loves us, he gives us himself, and He changes us!
As for the nuns, it's very tricky. First, I am a Protestant, but I am not here to bash on Catholics. I simply want to share what the Bible says. Biblically, Paul does say that it's best for someone who is able to focus 100% on Jesus, and forego a spouse and children, to do so, but that it's not a requirement. Marriage isn't sin, but Paul wished that all could be like him, focused only on Jesus.
The women all had such sweet spirits and seem totally dedicated and committed to Jesus; that's wonderful. I do need to say that while their dedication to Jesus is sweet, I am every bit as much the bride of Christ as they are despite their special ceremony. So is my husband and every brother or sister who is a Christian, including you if you are in relationship with Christ! Collectively, we are the church and the Bible tells us in Revelation (and elsewhere) that the church is the bride of Christ and will one day collectively celebrate a wedding ceremony in heaven.
So, as to the nuns, I do pray that their relationship with and devotion to Jesus is something that will flow out of them into the lives of many who don't know Jesus so that His glory and renown can be made even greater. I pray for all of us who love Jesus that are in the world, that we wouldn't be of the world per Jesus' prayer for all believers. I can't say outright that being a nun is sinful, but I do pray that all Christians would allow Jesus to maximize our impact in this world for His glory!
Up Tomorrow
Tracy is 47 and says she had a very happy, middle-class upbringing by loving parents in San Jose, CA. She has a son in his early teens named Ryan from her second marriage, and when that marriage ended she took a spiritual journey to discover why she had two failed marriages. She's a self-described "free spirit."
Joseph's Upbringing
Joseph grew up only having seen his father maybe two or three times; he says that his mother went to prison when he was six years old. She killed his "brother's daddy." He was so scared that he cried himself to sleep every night; they lived in a foster home Oakland with rats and roaches. Then, while living with relatives, Mel, his older brother, says he and Joseph were sexually abused. As a teen, Joseph was homeless and started selling drugs around 12 or 13. He says his heart just grew colder and colder, and that he never had a chance at a normal life; he just wanted his mother and father.
Joseph's Crime
On January 30, 1997, at age 19, Joseph and two other men broke into the home of a rival drug dealer with five people inside. Oprah tells us in a voice over that Joseph forced them all to lie face down on the ground while holding them at gunpoint. Though witnesses (the two men with him?) say the victims begged for their lives, Joseph shot all five of them, one at a time, execution style. Two were dead, two shot multiple times but survived, and the last young woman was severely beaten and barely escaped.
At the trial, the prosecution claimed that it was the "super bowl of crimes" and wanted the death penalty, while Joseph's defense claimed that his traumatic upbringing groomed Joseph for a life of crime almost with out any other option. The jury deadlocked at six to six and Joseph was sentenced to life without the possibility of parole.
How They Met
Tracy is in the studio, and Oprah tells us that Tracy and Joseph married four days ago. Tracy is part of an African dance troupe, and once a year there is a celebration for the men (a group of men meet with the prisoners who are willing to talk through and deal with their issues of rage, processing their emotions) where her troupe performed at the prison. Tracy met Joseph and they were just chatting and there was a strong connection right away. Oprah asked if Tracy was attracted to him, and she says he was an attractive man but she wasn't "going to go there" with a man in prison. When she left, though, Joesph took her hands and told Tracy he was giving her his heart. Tracy says this touched her deeply, and she thought about Joseph quite a bit before her mind said, "What are you doing... you're not gonna go there."
Before the Wedding
Cameras are in Tracy's home the night before the wedding. She has her outfit--a super colorful skirt and shirt combination--laid out. The prison has strict rules for weddings and Joseph's ring has to cost under $100. Tracy even has to provide the prison with a receipt to prove the cost of the ring, because if it's too valuable then it might be stolen. We learn that Joseph is allowed to call up to twice a day, and Tracy never knows when those calls may come. This time he calls at 7:55 pm and tells Tracy that he's starting to get nervous; it's cute, in the typical "night before getting married jitters" kind of way.
The next morning we see Tracy, excited about her wedding day. Her son Ryan is "excited and maybe a little nervous", saying he's never been to a wedding before and only to the prison once before the wedding day. At the prison, Tracy puts a clunky white sweater on top of her tight purple top, because the prison has strict rules about how tight clothing is allowed to be. Tracy, Ryan, and a couple others go in. Cameras are not allowed to follow, but onscreen text tells us that the ceremony last 20 minutes and Tracy stayed inside for four hours. We see her and Ryan walk out and she cheerfully exclaims, "I'm a married woman! Yay!" and shows off her ring and "beautiful pictures." She's literally giddy.
Support
In the studio, Oprah asks about Ryan, and Tracy says Ryan supports her decisions just as she supports his. Oprah asks about Tracy's parents, and Tracy says her mother doesn't support the decision and wanted her to change her mind and not marry Joseph. Oprah asks why it wasn't satisfactory to love and care and respect Joseph without marriage, and why was marriage necessary. Tracy says that they are working toward the same goal of their path on a spiritual journey, her on the "outside" and him on the "inside". Oprah asks if they've had a conversation about Joseph murdering people execution style and Tracy says that they both feel as though that person, the man who did those things doesn't exist anymore.
How the Actual Relationship Started
Joseph is on the phone, and Oprah asks him about that first time they met. Joseph says he just knew she was "the one." Oprah asks him about that concept, since he's in prison without parole, if he considered the thought of a life beyond the prison walls. Joseph says that never entered his mind; he just knew he wanted to be with her. Tracy said it took her an entire of considering it, without contact. Another performance a year later at another performance led to another connection that left Tracy considering a relationship, and she told Joseph she was ready to start writing letters and see where the relationship went.
Oprah says it's the "weirdest ass thing" and asks Tracy what it was for her to consider a relationship with a man in prison for murder. Tracy says that, first of all, she knew the prison was very secure and she was personally safe. Secondly, though, she saw Joseph for who he was and gave him the chance for her to simply know him. Joseph reiterates this, saying that Tracy changed him because she gave him "the space to just be [himself]." Tracy taught him what love was, something he'd never known before, with her open heart, which gave him the strength to grow.
Deserving Life After Committing Murder
Oprah bluntly tells Joseph that he murdered two people, took two lives, and "what people want to know" is why he deserves to be happy. Joseph replies that, first of all, he's still alive so if he didn't have a mission left to fulfill on earth then he wouldn't be here. Secondly, he doesn't think he deserves anything. He says that God or a spirit or whatever is very forgiving. He then says that he deserves it because he went through the process of changing himself. He says he chose to be happy, to forgive himself for all he had done. Oprah asks if he owned up to what he has done, and he says that yes he has. He read books on meditation and did work on himself. He says he's not in a guilt place and can't live there, but he has remorse and takes full responsibility for what he has done.
Marital Faithfulness and Sex
Oprah asks Joseph if he expects Tracy to remain faithful; he says he expects her to do what she told him she would do. Oprah tells him he "did not answer the question, sir" with a light hearted tone and he laughs. He says he'll keep it real, and that yes he expects her to be faithful. Oprah asks about conjugal visits, and he says that they're hoping they'll change the rules but as of right now they cannot have a family visit. Oprah makes it clear that she meant sex and Tracy explains that they're called "family visits" now. Tracy says they expect the system to change.
Sustaining A Marriage
Oprah asks Tracy how she expects to sustain a "normal" marriage 5 years out from now. Tracy says that she was already sustaining that lifestyle before she met Joseph, that she had gone without sex for 1, 3, 5 years. She feels it "not anything dramatically life altering" to not have sex for that long. Oprah thanks Joseph and Tracy for their time and goes to break.
***
Nuns
Oprah tells us she had a fascinating time last year with nuns in a convent in Ann Arbor, MI. Through clips, we revisit that show. Of the more than 750,000 Catholic nuns in the world, 60,000 are here in the United States. The average age of the 113 she spoke with in Ann Arbor, the average age is only 28. Oprah had a profound moment when one nun said, "If you don't believe in something greater than yourself then you'll never do anything greater than yourself."
Becoming Nuns
This year, cameras were allowed in the convent again and we see 22 young women enter to begin the process of becoming nuns; at this stage they are called "aspirants." Oprah tells us in a voice over that they will, "never have sex, will never own possessions, will never have their own money for the rest of their lives." We see a 27 year old woman who says she loved the idea of marriage but ended a relationship a year ago and she's ready to commit to Christ fully. One girl is just 16 years old, while another is fresh out of graduation from Harvard. Another girl, 18, likens becoming a nun to when you meet the person you're supposed to marry; for her, it's committing her life to God. That said, the process lasts one year and the women are allowed to leave at any time. The families and friends say good-bye; for the next year the girls are only allowed to write letters home, but there are no calls and it sounds like few visits allowed. The women aren't allowed any cell phones or computers in the convent at all.
Their "Wedding Day"
The day when a woman says her vows to become a nun and completes the sometimes 8-year-long process is called her "wedding day", to her groom, Jesus Christ. The vows are considered eternal, and their habit with a white veil is considered their wedding dress. The sisters are given a black veil; after five years in the black veil, the nuns say a final set of vows. There is even a reception, a party, replete with cake. We see the new nuns cut the take together. There are even young girls, early teens, who talk about how appealing it is to marry and spend their whole life with Jesus. One mom does say it's hard to not have her daughter marry a young man and raise a family, but one nun says that she is a full-fledged bride of Christ and her love is eternal.
Material vs. Eternal
One sister in the studio discusses with Oprah that for her, the decision to become a nun came at 31 when she sat in her apartment, which she had just finished decorating, and stared at her TV and stereo system and realized that she could give it all up and it wouldn't mean a "hill of beans." Oprah inquires about materialism, and the sister says that she believes that as humans we all look for what is beautiful, good, and true. For her, she sought those things in material possessions and simply never found them, but found them in her calling to be a bride of Christ.
Parental Support
Another sister describes to Oprah how, upon announcing her decision to become a nun, it was the first time she ever saw her father get angry. He didn't want her to do it. However, before she left for the convent, he told her, "If you get there and you hate it we will buy you a plane ticket and fly you home. However, if you get there and you love it, we will come and visit you." The sister is touched by how supportive and loving her parents were despite their initial opposition. She says her family changed and now they value their relationship so much more.
Age
Oprah asks how young is too young, and one of the head sisters tells Oprah that it's about maturity, not age. She says you would never accept someone who is 16 unless you're certain they are mature enough to make the informed decision. However, someone in their 40s can lack the maturity to make the decision with the maturity that a 15 year old can have.
The sisters tell Oprah they pray for her every day, still, and Oprah jokes about how everyone's skin looks so great. She thanks the sisters for their time and we're out!
Gospel Filter Review (GFR)
The major thing that stands out to me about Tracy and Joseph was simply a sadness that they spoke of a "spiritual" journey but never spoke of Jesus. Additionally, Joseph spoke of changing himself and meditation, and Tracy spoke of her spiritual journey of looking inside to assess why she had two failed marriages. I've written about it before, but the answers are not within us! I highly recommend that if you are new you read previous GFR's about the heart. The basic premise is that inside of us is wickedness and we just keep getting more and more wicked the deeper we dig; outside of us is Jesus. He loves us, he gives us himself, and He changes us!
As for the nuns, it's very tricky. First, I am a Protestant, but I am not here to bash on Catholics. I simply want to share what the Bible says. Biblically, Paul does say that it's best for someone who is able to focus 100% on Jesus, and forego a spouse and children, to do so, but that it's not a requirement. Marriage isn't sin, but Paul wished that all could be like him, focused only on Jesus.
Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion...
If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
I Corinthians 7:6-9, 36-40; ESVScripture makes it clear through Paul that living for Jesus only is a wonderful thing. The only hesitation I have about nuns is that, while they do so much good through their charity work and having schools, God's best in scripture does seem to be living in the world, amongst those who don't know Jesus, and allowing our lives to consistently and intentionally connect with people who aren't Christians. Living secluded and in a convent is not something that I can find in scripture. Jesus consistently traveled to people, going into their world and sharing himself with them. Paul, Peter, and the majority of the apostles are consistently seen going on missionary journeys to both build the fledgling churches and to spread the gospel into areas where people didn't know Christ.
The women all had such sweet spirits and seem totally dedicated and committed to Jesus; that's wonderful. I do need to say that while their dedication to Jesus is sweet, I am every bit as much the bride of Christ as they are despite their special ceremony. So is my husband and every brother or sister who is a Christian, including you if you are in relationship with Christ! Collectively, we are the church and the Bible tells us in Revelation (and elsewhere) that the church is the bride of Christ and will one day collectively celebrate a wedding ceremony in heaven.
So, as to the nuns, I do pray that their relationship with and devotion to Jesus is something that will flow out of them into the lives of many who don't know Jesus so that His glory and renown can be made even greater. I pray for all of us who love Jesus that are in the world, that we wouldn't be of the world per Jesus' prayer for all believers. I can't say outright that being a nun is sinful, but I do pray that all Christians would allow Jesus to maximize our impact in this world for His glory!
Up Tomorrow
The Hottest Tickets on Earth Plus Superstar Garth Brooks
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