Mark Fuhrman
Recap
It's been over 16 years since the murders of Nicole Brown, ex-wife of Heisman Trophy winner and NFL star O.J. Simpson, and her friend (and possible love interest) Ronald Goldman were brutally murdered, and nearly 13 years since O.J. Simpson was shockingly declared not guilty of the murders. Today, Oprah is sitting down with Detective Mark Fuhrman, a man who played a pivotal role in the case.
We start off seeing a clip of Fuhrman in 1997 on the Oprah show, apologizing for lying about using derogatory racial slurs. Now he's back in the studio and revisiting the whole situation. He says he would never have answered the phone call 16 years ago to come investigate the crime scene because it would have ruined his career even without the racism controversy. He says that everyone, even suspects, wants to talk about the O.J. Simpson case, which means you don't get taken seriously, regardless of the N-word drama.
Oprah pursues the issue of whether or not Fuhrmann is a racist; he essentially says that he heard the N-word used a lot by older cops that he was watching and learning from early in his career, but that was never a word that he would use in his daily vernacular. He says that part of the reason he lied about using the word is that he didn't want it to be true that he did it, didn't necessarily remember recently using it, but on the other hand, it's not a way he wanted to be seen. No one wants to be portrayed to the world as a racist.
After a break, Oprah tells us that she dreams about interviewing O.J., and that in the dream he confesses to the murder. She asks Fuhrman if he read "the book" (as you may have heard, Simpson wrote a book, purportedly fiction, called If I Did It, the premise being that if he had committed the murders, that's how he would have done it). Fuhrman says yes, and that he beleieves O.J. read his book, Murder in Brentwood, and used it to write the story. He tells Oprah that if he could talk to O.J., the first thing he'd say is he knows O.J. didn't intend to kill two people that night, that it wasn't pre-meditated first degree murder. Secondly, he'd ask what actually happened since no one has ever heard O.J.'s account of that evening. Oprah asks Fuhrman what he thinks happened. He says that O.J. had been stalking Nicole, that she probably saw O.J.lurking in the bushes, thus confronting him, and it became violent.
After another break, Oprah asks Fuhrman how he thought the prosecutors, Marcia Clark and Chris Darden, handled the case, and he uses multiple reasons why (the murder weapon, DNA, etc) he feels they bungled and mishandled the case. He says the case was air tight, and that the (predominantly Black / African American) jury was influenced not only by the bungling of the case on the part of the prosecutors, but also by the fact that the jurors were people from a neighborhood where a guilty verdict could put their lives in danger for condemning a neighborhood hero.
An interesting point made later that this trial turned murder into entertainment; if you look at the slew of real-crime / CSI type shows, plus the huge popularity of real crime novels, that have become mainstream since the O.J. trial it's astounding.
At the end of the show, Oprah asks Fuhrman if he's fulfilled. He says no, that he feels like the last 16 years have been a waste because he would love to still be solving crimes (he plea bargained out of a perjury count, for lying on the stand, and thus was a convicted felon which meant that he could no longer serve as a detective in most states). He wishes he could be anonymously living out the normal, blue collar life of being a detective. She asks how he hopes he'll be remembered, and he said that the headline he sees the media playing is, "The Disgraced Detective from the O.J. Simpson Case Died Today". She asks what he would want the media to say, and he says he would want them to say nothing, that he doesn't want to be somebody.
Gospel Filter Review
There are a few things that I could say, but I have to be careful to keep this to issues that the Bible speaks about and not just my own opinions. For example, as a 15-year-old teen I thought that O.J. was totally being framed. Granted, that was without things like the internet to dig into anything beyond what was on the nightly news regarding the trial. I mean, the gloves didn't fit! Now, with resources to read the evidence and know more about the case (such as blood-soaked leather gloves shrink when they sit in an evidence locker for a few years), plus with the time and wisdom that comes with realizing celebrities are just people who are every bit as capable of doing bad things as the average person, I feel rather certain that O.J. absolutely got away with murder. The Bible doesn't say much about my opinions, but it does say that if O.J. did kill Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman then he didn't get away with it, because either Jesus took the punishment for his sin and he has repented and sought forgiveness (it doesn't sound like he has, for the record, though he still can) or he will suffer for his sin for eternity because God is a just and mighty God.
There is one issue that stood out to me early on and I want to address it now. It's an issue that I am passionate about, and the Bible makes it clear that God is passionate about it too. The issue is racism--a key point in the defense of O.J. Simpson was that the LAPD was filled with bigoted racists who hated seeing a Black guy be rich and successful and even formerly married to a white woman, so there was a widespread conspiracy to frame him. Mark Fuhrman lied on the stand, saying he hadn't said the N-word in ten years and that he wasn't a racist; the defense produced witnesses and tapes of Fuhrman talking about gang members, calling them the N-word and speaking in a horrible way about them as people (you can Google it if you want to know; it's depressing stuff). This helped convince the jury that Fuhrman was part of the conspiracy, that he even might have planted evidence.
First, I am not here to call Fuhrman a racist. That is not my goal. Secondly, Fuhrman has admitted that he was wrong and publicly apologized many times over for his "immature, irresponsible ramblings". My desire is not to condemn him. The one thing that struck me, though, was his reasoning to Oprah that, when he was young and impressionable and trying to emulate the senior guys in the force, he saw them use the N-word in volatile situations and so he learned from them. Again, he has apologized for what he said, but it also feels like he's making excuses and shifting blame, and still trying to convince everyone that he's not a racist.
The Bible makes it clear that racism isn't ok. I wrote about that at length in this post, so you can refer to that for further study. The Bible also makes it clear that sin and ugliness is in our hearts, and that what we say reflects that ugliness.
The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it?
Jeremiah 17:9
The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
Luke 6:45
How many times have you heard the phrase "out of the goodness of their heart"? Our hearts are not good. They are bent on evil continuously, and they are hardened and wicked and deceitful because they are broken by sin. Only God can create in us a clean heart (Psalm 51:10, Hebrews 10:22) , give us a new heart that is soft toward him, leading us by His own Spirit (Ezekiel 11:19, 36:26); don't be mistaken and think that the Luke verse means some hearts are good if people are good. Only through the grace of Jesus and living reliant on Him for His strength can we ever do good out of a good heart because He's given it to us. And even then our old hearts rear back up and we choose the old, sinful ways. We must continuously seek Jesus for the grace to see our sin, to see our hardened heart, and for the Holy Spirit to convict us so we can repent and keep being cleansed to live out of the new heart. This never ends, never gets easier--the battle between our flesh and our Savior, our old heart and our new heart, will continue until the day we die and are with Jesus in heaven and sin is completely dead in us.
That is the heart; now for the mouth. People commonly say, when they apologize for something said before, that they "didn't mean it". The verse above makes it very clear that nothing comes out of the mouth that isn't in your heart. You might be sorry that you gave into what was in your heart, but your heart meant what you said. This might seem hopeless, but the Bible promises that if we know Jesus Christ then, just as it was said above, He doesn't just change our old heart, but he transforms us by giving us the new one.
My husband and I have a rule in our household. We are not allowed to ever say that we didn't mean something. Instead, we own up to the sin, ask Jesus and then the other person for forgiveness, and pray that Jesus would change us and root out that ugly, sinful heart-thought pattern. We pray for clean hearts, new hearts that will hate the things that are offensive toward God, because of our own proclivity we secretly love those things. Our hearts are wicked; only Jesus is good and so we rely on Him to love one another well.
So, then, with regards to racism, Mark Fuhrman meant what he said. No excuses. It was racist, bigoted, ugly, and sinful. It doesn't matter why he said it, how he learned the behavior, or what the circumstances were when he said it. He can be sorry that he said it, even on a deeper level than just worrying about what people think. It doesn't change the fact that racism was in his heart and it came out of his mouth and, too bad for him, the entire country saw the hidden things of his heart displayed for all of us to judge him. I don't envy the position he was put in.
I hate racism and sometimes I find myself thinking thoughts that are horribly ugly and racist--racism is in my heart even though I don't want it to be and it deeply upsets me to see it coming out of my heart. However, the answer is not to lay out in my mind why I don't like racism, or to convince myself that I'm not a racist because ______ (something I said or did that a good, non-racist would do), or to just convince myself that I didn't mean it. When those things are in my heart, and by the grace of God I realize it's there, it's not the time for excuses. It's time to ask the Holy Spirit to convict me, to lead me in repentance, and to confess to Jesus that He was brutally murdered on the cross because of the very ugliness that just came out of my heart. I need to ask the Holy Spirit for a clean heart, a new heart that sees all people (not just racism issues, but anything that demeans someone else) as God sees them--His image bearers, whom He loves so much that He gave His own Son to die in their place so He could spend eternity with them.
This goes beyond racism, of course. I don't much see people as image bearers of God when I'm driving, or when I'm at Costco at noon on a Saturday. One person cutting me off rudely often leads to me taking in their appearance and judging them by it. Shopping is the worst, because a rude and impatient person will do something, and so my heart will decide it's ok to judge them because, you know, they started it. And then I look in their cart at what food they are buying and feel good about myself because my food is mostly produce, and it's organic, and it's healthy, and so clearly I am a better person than them, and that is why they are rude and cutting me off, and clearly they're pagans, but I'm good and clean and belong to God even. That is some ugly, Jesus-killing, horrible sin right there, and yet my heart feels absolutely justified in doing things like this. I am desperately in need of a Savior who can get me out of myself.
Mark Fuhrman is desperately need of a Savior who can get him out of himself. With Jesus, he would find true forgiveness and experience the joy of being cleansed of all of the guilt that has plagued him for the consequences of his actions. To be sure, others messed up in the O.J. trial, but you can see Fuhrman's heart trying to downplay his role--the racism controversy, the fact that his racist remarks seemed to lend credence to the defense's assertion that he was a racist who planted evidence to frame Simpson--by overstating how other people screwed up worse. I pray that he would know Jesus, that he'd believe the truth that he's somebody that Jesus died for, that he'd know true freedom and joy in forgiveness, and that the next time someone asks if he's fulfilled he says yes, because a life lived loving Jesus--no matter how late you start--is never a wasted life.
Up Tomorrow
Love Story Reunion - Ali MacGraw and Ryan O'Neal
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Episode 20 - The 30-Year-Old Virgins
Today's episode is about two women who are 30-year-old virgins. However, these two women are virgins not because they want to be, but because they basically are terrified of relationships and shut men out.
Shayla & Carmen
Recap
A self-confessed control freak, 30-year-old Shayla says she wrote in because basically she wants to be able to let go and let a man in, but she doesn't know how. Her mom died of cancer at age 13, and, as a teen, she saw women pursue her recently widowed father for sex and she swore that would never be her.
Carmen, at 31, says she stays in bed for as long as she can. She's never been intimate with any man in any way. She's not comfortable in her own skin, thinks her body is gross, and she describes it as a fat suit she can't get off. She's 250 pounds and tries to be positive but then she looks in the mirror and can't get past it. She would rather be alone than have a man look at her in the body she's in now and be found attractive.
In the studio, Oprah points out that for neither woman does it have anything to do with sex. Both women were sent to meet with Dr. Laura Berman, a sex therapist. Dr. Berman says that sex is never just about sex, that these women portray the extreme end of issues that all women struggle with--body image, fear of a broken heart, self-esteem, etc. She does note that choosing to be a virgin for religious or moral issues is not wrong, that being a virgin is not wrong, but the issue is if being a virgin is an issue for you, that you don't want to be.
We learn about Shayla that her mother told her everything, but she never told Shayla she had cancer, so her mom's death caught her completely off guard. Then, within 3-4 months, the other women came in and wanted sex, and despite a 20 year marriage he was quick to sleep with them, to "get his rocks off". He was, in the words of Dr. Laura, he told her way too much at way too young of an age. He said he just wanted sex, but told Shayla to never be like those women. Shayla does note that her way of being in control was to shut off, whereas she could have gone the way of promiscuity.
With Carmen, we learn that she wants a relationship. A man pursued her, but she felt like he was just playing a joke on the fat girl, so despite things going well, she blew him off. She admits that the most terrifying idea is that she would be naked before a guy and he'd see her "jiggly parts" and scream out that she's gross and run away. We learn that she has polycystic ovarian syndrome, which led to her rapid weight gain 10 years ago, but after the struggle to get diagnosed, a bad reaction to a medication just caused her to give up.
Later there's talk about masturbation. The message is that it's healthy and normal and it's good to touch yourself, to learn what you like and what gives you pleasure, so that you can be with a man and he can know what you like. The idea is that the woman should love herself, enjoy herself, give herself pleasure, and that would allow her to be ok receiving it from someone else. Shayla felt that if you're doing something sexual to yourself, shouldn't someone else be there? Additionally, Shayla carried the idea that you can't be a "good girl" and be sexual.
Dr. Laura's homework was for Carmen to meet with specialists who would help her with her PCOS, a nutritionist, and a psychiatrist to evaluate for depression. Additionally, after a make-over and stylist consult, she's to set up a date with the man she blew off, no excuses. For Shayla, she was to write a letter to each of her parents (both of whom are now deceased), telling them exactly how she feels, and then to read Dr. Laura's book on sex and masturbate at least one time before they met again. Additionally, Dr. Laura would work with Shayla's girlfriends to have them set up a fun night out and Shayla has to just go out, let go of control, and have a good time despite not knowing what the plan is.
Both girls complete their homework, and the outcome for Shayla is having fun meeting a guy who ends up becoming a good friend, but she lets go and has fun. Also, she finds her letter writing exercise very difficult but, when she does it, she finds it freeing that she can process the fact that the people most important to her are gone and she can move on. Carmen meets with some eligible men who want to meet her and she enjoys meeting them and has gone on a second date and even arranged a date for an upcoming day, which for her is huge.
We end with the message from Dr. Laura Berman that women can have everything you want, that you don't need anyone else to help you find it. In the end, no one else can affect how you see yourself. You must create the love in your life that you want by looking to yourself.
Gospel Filter Review
This might not be popular, but let's just get to it. This episode was filled with lies about sex and a woman's worth. I'll break this down into two sections.
Sex & Masturbation
As I've stated emphatically throughout this blog, the goal is always that women know Jesus. I'm not about to tell non-Christians to follow Biblical guidelines on sex, expecting that to save them. That said, I know that my own sexually confused past, including habits developed before I was a Christian, haven painful sin patterns to dig into and have brought destructive effects into my marriage. It's a fine line to walk--morality without Jesus is just as destructive as the complete lack thereof. Additionally, many Christian women are dealing with issues relating to sex and masturbation, but similar to Shayla, there is a mess of information and messages from every angle that confuses the issue, and many Christian women have the same unhealthy sexual attitudes that the world does but in the church it's kept in the dark.
The Bible says sex is for marriage. The entire book of Song of Solomon is a celebration of the joy of God's gift of free, frequent sex between a husband and a wife. I strongly, STRONGLY urge married couples (and single people seeking God's heart on saving sex for their spouse) to watch this sermon series on said book; it's called The Peasant Princess and it is from Pastor Mark Driscoll (I am a member where he preaches at Mars Hill Church's Ballard campus in Seattle). There are great guidelines for why God created sex, why it is only for marriage, and why God demands sexual purity and holiness. These topics are done far more justice than I can in one blog post!
Regarding masturbation, the Bible does not explicitly forbid it. However, the Bible consistently urges people toward sexual purity. This is a very blunt chapter on masturbation from a book called Porn Again Christian, also by Mark Driscoll, that answers many, many questions. He does include these questions that I think are very helpful Biblical guidelines.
Edit: Thanks to my husband's and my good friend Josh for catching something that I missed! I forgot to say this, but want to make emphatically that,while the Biblical principles apply to both men and women, Porn Again Christian was written to men. The tone and the explicit nature are meant for men, and women are encouraged to walk through and process these issues together with their husband. If you are a single woman, please proceed with much prayer and extreme caution. I would actually exhort you to focus on these questions and, if you do choose to read the chapter, particularly to skip the FAQ type questions at the end.
The Bible says that God made you, formed you, thinks you're wonderful as he created you (Psalm 139). He loves you so much that He bought you at the price of crucifying His Son, Jesus Christ, on the cross so you could be reconciled back into relationship with Him as His daughter (I Corinthians 6:20, Colossians 1:22). Your worth comes from being loved by Jesus. You cannot find love for yourself that will make others love you. It's true that extremely insecure people make others uncomfortable, but people whose security is in their own self-worth also tend to make people uncomfortable because it comes off as proud and arrogant. That's what self-esteem is--pride. The Bible calls pride a sin.
Up Monday
I don't know! It's not on my TiVo guide and it doesn't say on her website! Sorry!
Shayla & Carmen
Recap
A self-confessed control freak, 30-year-old Shayla says she wrote in because basically she wants to be able to let go and let a man in, but she doesn't know how. Her mom died of cancer at age 13, and, as a teen, she saw women pursue her recently widowed father for sex and she swore that would never be her.
Carmen, at 31, says she stays in bed for as long as she can. She's never been intimate with any man in any way. She's not comfortable in her own skin, thinks her body is gross, and she describes it as a fat suit she can't get off. She's 250 pounds and tries to be positive but then she looks in the mirror and can't get past it. She would rather be alone than have a man look at her in the body she's in now and be found attractive.
In the studio, Oprah points out that for neither woman does it have anything to do with sex. Both women were sent to meet with Dr. Laura Berman, a sex therapist. Dr. Berman says that sex is never just about sex, that these women portray the extreme end of issues that all women struggle with--body image, fear of a broken heart, self-esteem, etc. She does note that choosing to be a virgin for religious or moral issues is not wrong, that being a virgin is not wrong, but the issue is if being a virgin is an issue for you, that you don't want to be.
We learn about Shayla that her mother told her everything, but she never told Shayla she had cancer, so her mom's death caught her completely off guard. Then, within 3-4 months, the other women came in and wanted sex, and despite a 20 year marriage he was quick to sleep with them, to "get his rocks off". He was, in the words of Dr. Laura, he told her way too much at way too young of an age. He said he just wanted sex, but told Shayla to never be like those women. Shayla does note that her way of being in control was to shut off, whereas she could have gone the way of promiscuity.
With Carmen, we learn that she wants a relationship. A man pursued her, but she felt like he was just playing a joke on the fat girl, so despite things going well, she blew him off. She admits that the most terrifying idea is that she would be naked before a guy and he'd see her "jiggly parts" and scream out that she's gross and run away. We learn that she has polycystic ovarian syndrome, which led to her rapid weight gain 10 years ago, but after the struggle to get diagnosed, a bad reaction to a medication just caused her to give up.
Later there's talk about masturbation. The message is that it's healthy and normal and it's good to touch yourself, to learn what you like and what gives you pleasure, so that you can be with a man and he can know what you like. The idea is that the woman should love herself, enjoy herself, give herself pleasure, and that would allow her to be ok receiving it from someone else. Shayla felt that if you're doing something sexual to yourself, shouldn't someone else be there? Additionally, Shayla carried the idea that you can't be a "good girl" and be sexual.
Dr. Laura's homework was for Carmen to meet with specialists who would help her with her PCOS, a nutritionist, and a psychiatrist to evaluate for depression. Additionally, after a make-over and stylist consult, she's to set up a date with the man she blew off, no excuses. For Shayla, she was to write a letter to each of her parents (both of whom are now deceased), telling them exactly how she feels, and then to read Dr. Laura's book on sex and masturbate at least one time before they met again. Additionally, Dr. Laura would work with Shayla's girlfriends to have them set up a fun night out and Shayla has to just go out, let go of control, and have a good time despite not knowing what the plan is.
Both girls complete their homework, and the outcome for Shayla is having fun meeting a guy who ends up becoming a good friend, but she lets go and has fun. Also, she finds her letter writing exercise very difficult but, when she does it, she finds it freeing that she can process the fact that the people most important to her are gone and she can move on. Carmen meets with some eligible men who want to meet her and she enjoys meeting them and has gone on a second date and even arranged a date for an upcoming day, which for her is huge.
We end with the message from Dr. Laura Berman that women can have everything you want, that you don't need anyone else to help you find it. In the end, no one else can affect how you see yourself. You must create the love in your life that you want by looking to yourself.
Gospel Filter Review
This might not be popular, but let's just get to it. This episode was filled with lies about sex and a woman's worth. I'll break this down into two sections.
Sex & Masturbation
As I've stated emphatically throughout this blog, the goal is always that women know Jesus. I'm not about to tell non-Christians to follow Biblical guidelines on sex, expecting that to save them. That said, I know that my own sexually confused past, including habits developed before I was a Christian, haven painful sin patterns to dig into and have brought destructive effects into my marriage. It's a fine line to walk--morality without Jesus is just as destructive as the complete lack thereof. Additionally, many Christian women are dealing with issues relating to sex and masturbation, but similar to Shayla, there is a mess of information and messages from every angle that confuses the issue, and many Christian women have the same unhealthy sexual attitudes that the world does but in the church it's kept in the dark.
The Bible says sex is for marriage. The entire book of Song of Solomon is a celebration of the joy of God's gift of free, frequent sex between a husband and a wife. I strongly, STRONGLY urge married couples (and single people seeking God's heart on saving sex for their spouse) to watch this sermon series on said book; it's called The Peasant Princess and it is from Pastor Mark Driscoll (I am a member where he preaches at Mars Hill Church's Ballard campus in Seattle). There are great guidelines for why God created sex, why it is only for marriage, and why God demands sexual purity and holiness. These topics are done far more justice than I can in one blog post!
Regarding masturbation, the Bible does not explicitly forbid it. However, the Bible consistently urges people toward sexual purity. This is a very blunt chapter on masturbation from a book called Porn Again Christian, also by Mark Driscoll, that answers many, many questions. He does include these questions that I think are very helpful Biblical guidelines.
Edit: Thanks to my husband's and my good friend Josh for catching something that I missed! I forgot to say this, but want to make emphatically that,while the Biblical principles apply to both men and women, Porn Again Christian was written to men. The tone and the explicit nature are meant for men, and women are encouraged to walk through and process these issues together with their husband. If you are a single woman, please proceed with much prayer and extreme caution. I would actually exhort you to focus on these questions and, if you do choose to read the chapter, particularly to skip the FAQ type questions at the end.
- Question #1 –
Can you masturbate without lusting (Job 31:1)? - Question #2 –
Can you masturbate in a way that builds oneness with your spouse, pulling you together more intimately through the act (Gen. 2:24)? - Question #3 –
Can you masturbate without experiencing shame (Gen. 2:24)? - Question #4 –
Can you masturbate with a clear conscience (Titus 1:15)? - Question #5 –
Can you masturbate without capitulating to the cravings of your sinful desires and thoughts (Eph. 2:3)?
The biggest issue, as always, is the heart. Why are you doing what you're doing? We just reject the idea from Dr. Laura Berman that you must pleasure yourself, that sex is all about what you like, and only then can you let someone else give you pleasure. That has no Biblical basis. Sex is for a man and a wife to find what pleasures one another, what they enjoy together. How wonderful to let your spouse explore your body and discover what you enjoy! How much more intimate and unifying is that than directing him around and commanding him?
Your Worth As A Woman
This segues into the second point. The idea that you can only let someone else love you if you love yourself first is a lie. I get that many women would read the above paragraph, about exploring together, and know that they would never be comfortable with a man exploring their body, even their spouse. This requires a vulnerability that many women simply cannot conjure up on their own. And praise God for that!
The Bible says that God made you, formed you, thinks you're wonderful as he created you (Psalm 139). He loves you so much that He bought you at the price of crucifying His Son, Jesus Christ, on the cross so you could be reconciled back into relationship with Him as His daughter (I Corinthians 6:20, Colossians 1:22). Your worth comes from being loved by Jesus. You cannot find love for yourself that will make others love you. It's true that extremely insecure people make others uncomfortable, but people whose security is in their own self-worth also tend to make people uncomfortable because it comes off as proud and arrogant. That's what self-esteem is--pride. The Bible calls pride a sin.
What isn't off-putting is someone who is so secure in how much they are loved and adored by their heavenly Father, secure in their identity as someone who belongs to Jesus and is filled with the Holy Spirit, that they can be confidently selfless in loving others in an authentic way. With regards to sex, when two sinners repent of selfishness (including the selfishness and pride of insecurity and telling God that His creation isn't good enough, that how He made you is gross and) then they can freely worship Jesus and enjoy one another's bodies in a way that brings a pleasure far greater than simply using their spouse to achieve orgasm.
Women, you can only know what true love is when you know that God first loved you while you were still sinning against Him, hating Him (Romans 5:6, I John 4:19). If you aren't a Christian, Jesus loves you right now and wants to give you His free gift of salvation. If you are a Christian, pray that the Holy Spirit would move in your heart to believe the truth that God loves you and that He would reveal Himself to you and help you believe that you are secure in Him. Pray that women like Oprah and Dr. Laura would know this truth, and that the women who watch Oprah wouldn't believe the lies about sex and their worth, but would discover the truth!
Up Monday
I don't know! It's not on my TiVo guide and it doesn't say on her website! Sorry!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Episode 19 - Why She Sued Her Husband For $12 Million And Won
There is something called "living on the down low"; it's men, who say they are straight, and often they are married. Their "down low" life includes secretly having sex with other men, but who insist they are not gay and they need not come out nor be labeled as gay.
Bridget: The Woman Who Sued Her Husband for $12 Million And Won
Recap
Bridget had a great, high paying job, owned her own home, and lived a comfortable life. She met a man named John, and after two years of dating, she married him in her early 30s. She says that they were so in love, everything was wonderful and perfect and they had "freeing...mad, crazy sex" on their honeymoon. They had sex before marriage, but since their relationship was monogamous, they began having unprotected sex before the wedding. On the way home from the honeymoon, John got very, very sick but no one knew what it was. Later, Bridget felt very sick, was tested for everything possible, and found out she was HIV positive. She says she had been very careful and was shocked to be HIV positive; John's doctor told her that she had given her husband the virus. She describes feeling like poison, and how she sometimes still feels like poison.
Bridget and John decided to deal with the news on their own; his HIV turned into AIDS and he was telling his family she gave him the disease. Her older brother, Lee, said there had been suspicions about John's sexuality from the family but they wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and they loved their sister. However, when he heard what John was telling his family about her, Lee told Bridget to go ask John how many he'd had sex with. She did, and John said two, that they'd been actual relationships, and he just hadn't told her.
However, eventually Bridget found men-cruising-for-men websites in his internet history on his computer, and a slew of very explicit e-mails in his cache. Oprah says she saw some of those e-mails and her mind was blown, that it "was some vile stuff", and she told her producer that she "did not want it in [her] brain". One example of the e-mails that hit me was him looking for other married men with HIV/AIDS to have sex with.
Eventually, Bridget confronted her husband, kicked him out of the home, and divorced.
After break, we switch gears to Bridget saying that living with HIV isn't as simple as people say. Oprah refers to Magic Johnson as the poster child of survival, Bridget calls her out on that, saying that yes, you live if you take the medicinal cocktail, but it's not a normal, easy life. Magic Johnson has the best of everything--chefs, the best doctors, any medicine he wants, everything. So the average person with the disease looks nothing like Magic Johnson; Oprah is humble and thanks Bridget for correcting her.
Finally, we learn that Bridget sued John in a civil suit that took 7 years; she won $12 million but she hasn't seen any money. She's actually had to spend more money on legal fees because he filed for bankruptcy this summer. However, we do learn that she has a boyfriend, whom she says is a wonderful man, and he knows about the HIV but they have been very careful to ensure that she doesn't give it to him. They also got pregnant "the old-fashioned way" and she is pregnant with a little girl; she's on a medication that has proven a less than 1% chance of the baby getting the virus. Oprah thanks Bridget for her time and we go to the second half (which I promise to recap more succinctly!) of the show.
J.L. King: The Man Who Outed "Life On The Down Low" Six Years Ago Returns
Recap
We now see the man who outed the down low, or DL, life on the Oprah show in 2004. We see a clip in which he tells Oprah, back then, that the DL has nothing to do with being gay; it's all about sex. He says, bluntly, "It's about gratification, not orientation." Today, Oprah tells us that through his entire dating life and eight year marriage he was having sex with men, even in his own home while his wife slept upstairs.
Now, he tells Oprah that he is a proud, out, black, gay man. He says fear of losing his family, his church, etc, caused him to be in denial. He says that his churches taught that if you are gay then God does not love you, you are less than a man, that if you are gay you are a pedophile. He's since met other black, gay men and realized that it doesn't have to mean losing everything, though he did destroy his family. He emphasizes that the DL life is not just a black men thing--it's a men of all races thing.
J.L.'s Wife, Brenda
Recap
Brenda says they were high school sweethearts and that they were the perfect couple to everyone around them. After five years she felt that there might be another woman, but found out that J.L. was having a homosexual relationship with another man. Brenda tells Oprah, back in the studio, that she had never suspected a thing. The hardest part for her was that he betrayed her and had lied to her and didn't confess his desires, robbing her of the opportunity for them to work it out. Brenda has forgiven him, and J.L. encourages men to come out and tell the truth, and for the women to forgive them.
Ulandsey
Recap
We see another man who, six years ago, was blacked out and had his voice distorted. He said he was juggling three men that he was having sex with--one a married man--but that he also had sex with women. He insisted he was not gay, refuses to even use the word bisexual. Today, he comes on the show to identify himself and to say that he is a gay man. He says that back then he represented guys on the down low, and how he wants to be a lightning rod to encourage men to stop living that life. He says that his family knows and loves him, but he needs to come out for the strangers and take responsibility for his role in the conversation.
The show ends with a woman named AJ from Arizona. She saw an episode in which the message was that if your sex life is bad then your relationship is probably bad. AJ started keeping track and realized that they had almost no sex life, and ended up finding out that her big, manly husband was not only secretly gay but a sex addict. She divorced him and now is with the love of her life and is very happy and thankful for Oprah's show. Oprah closes by saying that this is why she does these shows.
Gospel Filter Reviews
I have covered homosexuality in depth before, so you can read more there. Similarly, there is more about forgiveness in other GFR's from previous posts as well. Something my husband said, while catching a piece of the show, really stuck with me. He said, "Why is the answer always divorce?" That really hit me, because it saddens me that even those who were married and in the church divorced.
First, while I already linked to the Biblical perspective, it angers me deeply--and I believe that it angers God--that there are churches teaching that homosexuality means God doesn't love you, along with other lies. God's truth is that if you are struggling with same sex attraction then Jesus, who died to reconcile you to God and free you from all sin, can forgive you and set you free as you rely on him. Jesus understands that you are suffering as you are tempted and He has mercy and is faithful and wants you to rely on the same Holy Spirit that empowered Him to resist sin. God loves people struggling with same-sex attraction, including those who have acted on that sin, even men who commit adultery with other men while married to women. The Gospel is meant to set you free into the arms of the Father who loves you and bigoted pastors need to stop preaching hateful lies in Jesus' name.
I serve in a ministry called Redemption Groups, as well as being involved in the lives of friends who love Jesus and want to know Him better, and I have walked through extremely painful situations with women, including women who had been absolutely devastated by husbands who have committed atrocious sins against them. I have never known a woman whose husband was having sex with other men, but I have seen Jesus redeem and restore marriages where he committed adultery (and I mean actual sex with other women); where she committed adultery; where he was addicted to pornography; where he had sex with prostitutes; where she was addicted to pornography; and even situations where he raped her. Any of these situations suggest that divorce would be ok, and the Bible even does say that in the event of sexual immorality, divorce can be sought (Matthew 19:9). This actually the only circumstance in which Jesus says divorce is allowed; he says in that same verse that if divorce is for any reason other than sexual immorality, and a man (or woman) remarries, then that person is committing adultery.
However, in the previous verse, Jesus says that Moses allowed people to divorce due to the hardness of their heart, but from the beginning it was not so. God's heart for marriage, as I've written about before, is that it reflect the marriage in heaven of Jesus Christ to His bride, the church. The church is filled with sinners, and various parts of scripture (such as Ezekiel 16, Hosea) show how our hearts are like adulterous whores (that's the Bible's blunt language), chasing after our idolatrous desires, other lovers that have consumed our hearts. Yet Jesus patiently loves the church, builds the church, cleanses the church, forgives the church, ministers to the church; he never divorces us. Not a single Christian who belongs to Jesus is ever lost (John 17:12), let alone the church as a whole.
For this reason, neither is divorce, even when permissible due to adultery, ever God's best. I am not condemning any of these women who divorced their husbands. I am just sad that Jesus never had the chance to bring about redemption, to change hearts, to allow full reconciliation, and to be glorified in making a marriage that should have rightfully ended one firmly rooted in Him. This makes His glory and renown great and it gives others hope. What really broke my heart is the continued message that it's all about being happy.
This is a hard truth, but marriage is not about happiness. It's about holiness. Sometimes it means you feel like you're fighting for Jesus' glory alone while your spouse couldn't care less, and that is heartbreaking. I know because there have been rough patches like that in my marriage when my husband's heart was getting harder and harder and mine was breaking. I was filled with sin, too, yet by Jesus' grace I was before Him daily, crying out to Him to break in and change my husband's heart. I understood that we were on a path toward eventual divorce if Jesus didn't act on our behalf. Praise God, He did. We still struggle because we're both sinners, but I am truthfully and honestly more in love with my husband, despite painful sin that has come into the light that we have both committed against one another, than early in our marriage when we were the happiest. Recent times have been very, very hard, but I can honestly tell you they have been filled with the most joy, even in the midst of tears and anguish.
If your marriage is hurting, fight. Fight in prayer asking Jesus to change your heart, to show you your sin, to make you a more godly spouse. Fight in prayer for your spouse, not that they'd fulfill you and stop doing the things you don't like or start doing the things you want, but that they would surrender to the Holy Spirit and be led by Jesus in humble repentance that glorifies Him. If you don't know Jesus, seek His forgiveness for your sins. That is the place to start. But fight for your marriage--I am telling you, I have seen mountains literally moved, where people who should hate one another are walking with Jesus and have a marriage that others would look at and envy. Don't look for what has to happen so you can get out--cling to the one who was eternally all-in when He committed to marrying you, Jesus Christ who loves you and your spouse deeply.
Up Tomorrow
This will be fun--the 30-year-old virgin. Bring it on!
Bridget: The Woman Who Sued Her Husband for $12 Million And Won
Recap
Bridget had a great, high paying job, owned her own home, and lived a comfortable life. She met a man named John, and after two years of dating, she married him in her early 30s. She says that they were so in love, everything was wonderful and perfect and they had "freeing...mad, crazy sex" on their honeymoon. They had sex before marriage, but since their relationship was monogamous, they began having unprotected sex before the wedding. On the way home from the honeymoon, John got very, very sick but no one knew what it was. Later, Bridget felt very sick, was tested for everything possible, and found out she was HIV positive. She says she had been very careful and was shocked to be HIV positive; John's doctor told her that she had given her husband the virus. She describes feeling like poison, and how she sometimes still feels like poison.
Bridget and John decided to deal with the news on their own; his HIV turned into AIDS and he was telling his family she gave him the disease. Her older brother, Lee, said there had been suspicions about John's sexuality from the family but they wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and they loved their sister. However, when he heard what John was telling his family about her, Lee told Bridget to go ask John how many he'd had sex with. She did, and John said two, that they'd been actual relationships, and he just hadn't told her.
However, eventually Bridget found men-cruising-for-men websites in his internet history on his computer, and a slew of very explicit e-mails in his cache. Oprah says she saw some of those e-mails and her mind was blown, that it "was some vile stuff", and she told her producer that she "did not want it in [her] brain". One example of the e-mails that hit me was him looking for other married men with HIV/AIDS to have sex with.
Eventually, Bridget confronted her husband, kicked him out of the home, and divorced.
After break, we switch gears to Bridget saying that living with HIV isn't as simple as people say. Oprah refers to Magic Johnson as the poster child of survival, Bridget calls her out on that, saying that yes, you live if you take the medicinal cocktail, but it's not a normal, easy life. Magic Johnson has the best of everything--chefs, the best doctors, any medicine he wants, everything. So the average person with the disease looks nothing like Magic Johnson; Oprah is humble and thanks Bridget for correcting her.
Finally, we learn that Bridget sued John in a civil suit that took 7 years; she won $12 million but she hasn't seen any money. She's actually had to spend more money on legal fees because he filed for bankruptcy this summer. However, we do learn that she has a boyfriend, whom she says is a wonderful man, and he knows about the HIV but they have been very careful to ensure that she doesn't give it to him. They also got pregnant "the old-fashioned way" and she is pregnant with a little girl; she's on a medication that has proven a less than 1% chance of the baby getting the virus. Oprah thanks Bridget for her time and we go to the second half (which I promise to recap more succinctly!) of the show.
J.L. King: The Man Who Outed "Life On The Down Low" Six Years Ago Returns
Recap
We now see the man who outed the down low, or DL, life on the Oprah show in 2004. We see a clip in which he tells Oprah, back then, that the DL has nothing to do with being gay; it's all about sex. He says, bluntly, "It's about gratification, not orientation." Today, Oprah tells us that through his entire dating life and eight year marriage he was having sex with men, even in his own home while his wife slept upstairs.
Now, he tells Oprah that he is a proud, out, black, gay man. He says fear of losing his family, his church, etc, caused him to be in denial. He says that his churches taught that if you are gay then God does not love you, you are less than a man, that if you are gay you are a pedophile. He's since met other black, gay men and realized that it doesn't have to mean losing everything, though he did destroy his family. He emphasizes that the DL life is not just a black men thing--it's a men of all races thing.
J.L.'s Wife, Brenda
Recap
Brenda says they were high school sweethearts and that they were the perfect couple to everyone around them. After five years she felt that there might be another woman, but found out that J.L. was having a homosexual relationship with another man. Brenda tells Oprah, back in the studio, that she had never suspected a thing. The hardest part for her was that he betrayed her and had lied to her and didn't confess his desires, robbing her of the opportunity for them to work it out. Brenda has forgiven him, and J.L. encourages men to come out and tell the truth, and for the women to forgive them.
Ulandsey
Recap
We see another man who, six years ago, was blacked out and had his voice distorted. He said he was juggling three men that he was having sex with--one a married man--but that he also had sex with women. He insisted he was not gay, refuses to even use the word bisexual. Today, he comes on the show to identify himself and to say that he is a gay man. He says that back then he represented guys on the down low, and how he wants to be a lightning rod to encourage men to stop living that life. He says that his family knows and loves him, but he needs to come out for the strangers and take responsibility for his role in the conversation.
The show ends with a woman named AJ from Arizona. She saw an episode in which the message was that if your sex life is bad then your relationship is probably bad. AJ started keeping track and realized that they had almost no sex life, and ended up finding out that her big, manly husband was not only secretly gay but a sex addict. She divorced him and now is with the love of her life and is very happy and thankful for Oprah's show. Oprah closes by saying that this is why she does these shows.
Gospel Filter Reviews
I have covered homosexuality in depth before, so you can read more there. Similarly, there is more about forgiveness in other GFR's from previous posts as well. Something my husband said, while catching a piece of the show, really stuck with me. He said, "Why is the answer always divorce?" That really hit me, because it saddens me that even those who were married and in the church divorced.
First, while I already linked to the Biblical perspective, it angers me deeply--and I believe that it angers God--that there are churches teaching that homosexuality means God doesn't love you, along with other lies. God's truth is that if you are struggling with same sex attraction then Jesus, who died to reconcile you to God and free you from all sin, can forgive you and set you free as you rely on him. Jesus understands that you are suffering as you are tempted and He has mercy and is faithful and wants you to rely on the same Holy Spirit that empowered Him to resist sin. God loves people struggling with same-sex attraction, including those who have acted on that sin, even men who commit adultery with other men while married to women. The Gospel is meant to set you free into the arms of the Father who loves you and bigoted pastors need to stop preaching hateful lies in Jesus' name.
I serve in a ministry called Redemption Groups, as well as being involved in the lives of friends who love Jesus and want to know Him better, and I have walked through extremely painful situations with women, including women who had been absolutely devastated by husbands who have committed atrocious sins against them. I have never known a woman whose husband was having sex with other men, but I have seen Jesus redeem and restore marriages where he committed adultery (and I mean actual sex with other women); where she committed adultery; where he was addicted to pornography; where he had sex with prostitutes; where she was addicted to pornography; and even situations where he raped her. Any of these situations suggest that divorce would be ok, and the Bible even does say that in the event of sexual immorality, divorce can be sought (Matthew 19:9). This actually the only circumstance in which Jesus says divorce is allowed; he says in that same verse that if divorce is for any reason other than sexual immorality, and a man (or woman) remarries, then that person is committing adultery.
However, in the previous verse, Jesus says that Moses allowed people to divorce due to the hardness of their heart, but from the beginning it was not so. God's heart for marriage, as I've written about before, is that it reflect the marriage in heaven of Jesus Christ to His bride, the church. The church is filled with sinners, and various parts of scripture (such as Ezekiel 16, Hosea) show how our hearts are like adulterous whores (that's the Bible's blunt language), chasing after our idolatrous desires, other lovers that have consumed our hearts. Yet Jesus patiently loves the church, builds the church, cleanses the church, forgives the church, ministers to the church; he never divorces us. Not a single Christian who belongs to Jesus is ever lost (John 17:12), let alone the church as a whole.
For this reason, neither is divorce, even when permissible due to adultery, ever God's best. I am not condemning any of these women who divorced their husbands. I am just sad that Jesus never had the chance to bring about redemption, to change hearts, to allow full reconciliation, and to be glorified in making a marriage that should have rightfully ended one firmly rooted in Him. This makes His glory and renown great and it gives others hope. What really broke my heart is the continued message that it's all about being happy.
This is a hard truth, but marriage is not about happiness. It's about holiness. Sometimes it means you feel like you're fighting for Jesus' glory alone while your spouse couldn't care less, and that is heartbreaking. I know because there have been rough patches like that in my marriage when my husband's heart was getting harder and harder and mine was breaking. I was filled with sin, too, yet by Jesus' grace I was before Him daily, crying out to Him to break in and change my husband's heart. I understood that we were on a path toward eventual divorce if Jesus didn't act on our behalf. Praise God, He did. We still struggle because we're both sinners, but I am truthfully and honestly more in love with my husband, despite painful sin that has come into the light that we have both committed against one another, than early in our marriage when we were the happiest. Recent times have been very, very hard, but I can honestly tell you they have been filled with the most joy, even in the midst of tears and anguish.
If your marriage is hurting, fight. Fight in prayer asking Jesus to change your heart, to show you your sin, to make you a more godly spouse. Fight in prayer for your spouse, not that they'd fulfill you and stop doing the things you don't like or start doing the things you want, but that they would surrender to the Holy Spirit and be led by Jesus in humble repentance that glorifies Him. If you don't know Jesus, seek His forgiveness for your sins. That is the place to start. But fight for your marriage--I am telling you, I have seen mountains literally moved, where people who should hate one another are walking with Jesus and have a marriage that others would look at and envy. Don't look for what has to happen so you can get out--cling to the one who was eternally all-in when He committed to marrying you, Jesus Christ who loves you and your spouse deeply.
Up Tomorrow
This will be fun--the 30-year-old virgin. Bring it on!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Episode 18 - The Mom With 20 Personalities
I have to admit that I have a horrible cold and concentrating is not coming easily. I've tried to get too much done today and now my brain is mush. I'll do my best to stay sharp, though!
20 Years Ago: Truddi Chase, The Woman With 92 Personalities
Recap
We start by seeing Oprah interview Truddi (prounounced like Trudy) Chase 20 years ago, a woman who was brutally raped as a little girl as young as 2-years-old by her stepfather. Despite intensive therapy, Truddi, who passed away earlier this year at age 75, dealt with her pain by splintering her mind into 92 distinct personalities in her head. It's very emotional seeing Oprah, in 1990, break into tears trying to explain why Truddi's mind is so broken. In a video from a special 20th anniversary interview, Oprah explains that she was just in the midst of really processing her own abuse and Truddi's story simply hit too close to home.
Oprah revisits Truddi's story at the end, and shows women who were inspired by Truddi to share about their own sexual abuse as children. One young woman, Erin, describes how she was ready to kill herself, but one day she was home and saw the show with Truddi and it gave her the courage to come out about the abuse and know she wasn't alone; a letter from one of her abusers, admitting their wrong, is what she said allowed her to forgive him.
Oprah has Truddi's daughter, Kari, on the show. She describes that it was tough having a mother with 92 personalities, but that we all have good days and bad days. She says she never met the real Truddi, because she believes the real Truddi was dead, asleep, whatever.
Kim Noble: The Mom With 20 Personalities Inside Her Head
Recap
We come back to today, and Oprah tells us, voicing over video clips, about a woman from England named Kim Noble. She looks like a normal mom, but 15 distinct personalities live in her head, from Judy, "a 15-year-old bulimic" to Ken, "a depressed gay man". Psychologists believe that she was severely traumatized as a small child and so she developed dissociative personality disorder. Patricia tends to be in charge most of the time, but each personality considers itself to be it's own person so when Kim's daughter, Aimee, turned 13, each personality gave it's own card and present.
After Aimee's birth, Kim proved she could capably raise the baby. Eventually, therapists recommended that Kim try painting as a therapeutic routine and each personality has its own methods and style. Oprah opened by showing us paintings from each of Kim's personalities, and we come into the studio with Kim.
Highlights
Recap
Gospel Filter Review
This is an extremely painful episode. I'm also praying, praying, praying like crazy because what I feel led by Jesus to write about is yet another touchy and controversial topic. It is also intensely personal and I pray that, similar to how these women sharing their stories encouraged others to share theirs, me sharing mine will point people to the Savior who has cleansed me and who is continually healing me.
First, I want to say that I love the idea of Erin's Law. As I shared briefly in this post, in which I spoke about forgiveness (and I encourage you to read it, since forgiveness was a small theme in this episode) I was sexually abused by my biological father starting as early as possibly only a few days old. It went on until I was nearly 5, and I never said anything because I had absolutely no way of knowing that it wasn't normal. He said it was, he was my daddy, and I trusted him. A "good touch, bad touch" talk at my preschool was what alerted me to something being wrong, and I shared it with my mom who quickly left him and reported it to the police.
Tragically, because I was so young and so confused, the defense lawyer was able to convince the judge that my mom had put lies in my head and manufactured the abuse. I was too confused--what normal daddy doesn't help his daughter get clean in the bath? How come that was ok but his methods of what he said helped me be clean wasn't ok? Plus, I was far too young to remember details like days of the week, time of day, even seasons, and the constant questioning from so many sources--lawyers, psychiatrists, my mom, the police, etc, made it difficult to keep the facts all straight in my head. My biological father was let free, given the same visitation rights as a "normal" divorced father, and eventually began abusing me again, this time using threats to keep me silent since by then I knew it was wrong. I am grateful that other children might have the chance to learn early on what abuse is--it's not just being offered candy by a stranger who abducts you--so they can be better protected.
There were many, many factors in why I stayed silent. I was also sexually abused in four other instances, each by separate men. I can't remember exactly why I didn't speak up about them, but I do know that there was a stigma attached to the abuse, both by society and by what I heard in my head. Everyone, from my mom to the psychiatrist to well-meaning family members and friends' parents, told me that my father was a sick, sick man, a pedophile who saw little girls, even his own daughter, as a grown woman whom it was ok to have a sexual relationship with. He was sick and wrong, and it wasn't my fault. I see now how this is something to be very careful with, because telling me it wasn't my fault also told me that I should be ok, as though if I brought it on myself it would be fine to suffer, but since I was totally innocent then I shouldn't be upset or hurt.
My story includes hearing, very clearly in my head, that I was strong. I remember once, in the middle of being abused, coming up with my means of enduring. I had seen other girls who were a complete mess, and I knew that since my father was so "sick" that he'd be doing this to someone else if I weren't there. I can still hear the thought, some 20-odd years later, "Some other little girl's life would be ruined if he hurts her, but I'm strong and I'll be fine so I'm glad that, if this has to happen to someone, that it's happening to me."
I thought that I came up with this, that I figured it out. For over two decades I believed this, and when I became a Christian at 16 I saw the many, many horrible things from my past as things God brought into my life, to show how strong He'd made me when I endured well, so that way He could use me to encourage others who'd had horrible things happen to them.
I now know this was a lie, told to me by a very real enemy.
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
Ephesians 6:12
There are many other verses, and I encourage you to read this book and to listen to this lecture series (four lectures, about an hour each) for deeper truth about these matters. I cannot do them justice in one blog post. I will say this--God is not a God who causes bad things to happen so He can be glorified. He does not always choose to stop them, but I believe God gave me a clear vision of what was really happening to me as I lay in that bed so many times as a little girl. I clearly see my Heavenly Father, my sweet Jesus, the Holy Spirit, weeping over what was happening to me, present with me, while demonic forces--evil spirits, unclean spirits, Satan's henchmen, whatever you will call them--were whispering both in my ear and to my earthly father as he was abusing me.
To be clear, my earthly father is absolutely still responsible for his sin. Just because the enemy enticed him doesn't make him innocent. The sin in his heart wanted to do the evil that the demonic presence urged him to carry out. I do not know for certain, but I wouldn't be surprised to know that he was abused as a little boy and the same evil, lying demonic spirits probably enticed his abuser as well.
Additionally, though I was innocent and absolutely did not deserve what was done to me, for many, many years I listened to the lying enemy who told me I was strong and that God was honored when I didn't seek Him but instead tried to prove how strong He'd made me. I believed the lies that God was the ultimate abuser who brought suffering into my life. I believed the lies that victims are bad and pathetic and that if I allowed myself to feel hurt over my abuse then I was pathetic and bad. I believed that God is not a good, loving Father whom I can trust.
Yes, what happened to me was absolutely evil. But I also had sin in my heart that wanted desperately to believe these lies, and even found comfort in them. It's been the sweet grace of my loving Father to reveal the truth of His character, and as I see the truth of His character revealed to me, particularly through His inerrant Words in the Bible, I have been able to repent of believing the lies and, in Jesus Christ's name, rebuke the liar.
I believe that sexual abuse, particularly of children, has an inherent demonic link. I believe that the demonic presences that both caused me to be abused and that lied to me about how to respond are demons who have hounded both sides of my family (my mother and my biological father) for generations and generations. The cycles of abuse and the lies about how to respond didn't begin with me. I also believe that my own confused sexuality, not understanding how sex can be a beautiful gift from God meant only for my husband, instead confused about themes of it being dirty and wrong and only exciting when there was some illicit, ungodly aspect attached to it, for the last two decades has been part of the continued demonic presence and lies. I have repented of believing those lies and continue to cling to the Holy Spirit to be the one to teach me the truth, to help me believe it, but I am not so naïve as to think that it's only my own sinful heart that I am dealing with.
Likewise, I believe that these women with fractured personalities aren't simply dealing with flesh and blood--there is a clear demonic presence that I could sense in my spirit through the TV screen. These women--Truddi and Kim-- have been tortured not just by human oppressors but by dark spiritual forces thirsty for their death. The fact that neither Truddi nor Kim existed anymore once the personalities takes over is a sign that the enemy found victory in torturing them until they committed psychological suicide. I cannot say for certain, but I wonder if these women's personalities aren't multiple demons who possess them and take over at different times. Scripture tells us Mary Magdalene had seven demons, so this isn't unprecedented.
We are not fighting merely against the physical world. But here is the truth, the good news. Just as the rest of Ephesians 6 goes on to say, we are not fighting alone. God fights for us. For the non-Christian, it begins with repenting of sin and receiving Jesus' free gift of salvation through His innocent blood shed on the cross and His resurrection which conquered Satan, sin, and death. Jesus's death conquered Satan and frees you from slavery, and if you belong to Him then He helps you (Hebrews 2:14-18). In the meantime, Satan has influence over this world and in spite of his imminent defeat, he is clawing for every bit of death he can bring. The Christian gets to have joy in knowing that God fights for us. The Holy Spirit will show us if we have left our house in a state of insecurity, and He will not only reveal the lies, but He'll help us repent, He'll kick the enemy out, and He will continue to keep our doors and windows shut and locked as we rely on Him.
There was a great sermon about this on Sunday, and once it's available online this upcoming Sunday I will post it, so stay tuned. In the meantime, pray with me. First, pray that God would reveal His truth to you. Pray for a hunger for His Word, so that He can use it to shed light on the darkness. Pray that the Holy Spirit would put in you the desire to repent and get rid of the darkness; lies bring us a sick and twisted comfort. There is a reason we believe them. Pray that Jesus would rebuke the enemy from influencing you (Satan cannot indwell a believer, since we are sealed with the Holy Spirit, but that doesn't stop him from whispering in our ear. And, lastly, pray for Kim and her daughter. Pray that Jesus Christ would come into her life, save her, and set her free from the demonic bondage that is keeping her in chains. And, if you are a Christian, don't take this lightly. You are in a war. You must put on your armor, you must fight, and you must continually cling to the one who goes before you and fights for you.
Up Tomorrow
Why She Sued Her Husband For $12 Million And Won
20 Years Ago: Truddi Chase, The Woman With 92 Personalities
Recap
We start by seeing Oprah interview Truddi (prounounced like Trudy) Chase 20 years ago, a woman who was brutally raped as a little girl as young as 2-years-old by her stepfather. Despite intensive therapy, Truddi, who passed away earlier this year at age 75, dealt with her pain by splintering her mind into 92 distinct personalities in her head. It's very emotional seeing Oprah, in 1990, break into tears trying to explain why Truddi's mind is so broken. In a video from a special 20th anniversary interview, Oprah explains that she was just in the midst of really processing her own abuse and Truddi's story simply hit too close to home.
Oprah revisits Truddi's story at the end, and shows women who were inspired by Truddi to share about their own sexual abuse as children. One young woman, Erin, describes how she was ready to kill herself, but one day she was home and saw the show with Truddi and it gave her the courage to come out about the abuse and know she wasn't alone; a letter from one of her abusers, admitting their wrong, is what she said allowed her to forgive him.
Oprah has Truddi's daughter, Kari, on the show. She describes that it was tough having a mother with 92 personalities, but that we all have good days and bad days. She says she never met the real Truddi, because she believes the real Truddi was dead, asleep, whatever.
Kim Noble: The Mom With 20 Personalities Inside Her Head
Recap
We come back to today, and Oprah tells us, voicing over video clips, about a woman from England named Kim Noble. She looks like a normal mom, but 15 distinct personalities live in her head, from Judy, "a 15-year-old bulimic" to Ken, "a depressed gay man". Psychologists believe that she was severely traumatized as a small child and so she developed dissociative personality disorder. Patricia tends to be in charge most of the time, but each personality considers itself to be it's own person so when Kim's daughter, Aimee, turned 13, each personality gave it's own card and present.
After Aimee's birth, Kim proved she could capably raise the baby. Eventually, therapists recommended that Kim try painting as a therapeutic routine and each personality has its own methods and style. Oprah opened by showing us paintings from each of Kim's personalities, and we come into the studio with Kim.
Highlights
- Patricia is present and says things became too much so Kim is sleeping, that she just disappeared.
- There's no way for the current dominant personality to know who was dominant last; one way to tell is to see the latest painting and then that tells who was present, since each personality has its unique style.
- To communicate with each personality, the therapist sends e-mails to each personality. Kim (as Patricia) says that each personality has its own e-mail address, knows their own password, so other personalities can't read one another's e-mail but they can reply to the therapist.
- Patricia says she feels completely normal when she's dominant; each alter personality feels totally normal when they are dominant.
Aimee, Kim's Daughter
Recap
Oprah talks to Aimee, Kim's 13-year-old daughter. Aimee says she has known her whole life that her mother is different in this way. She considers the main personality, Patricia, to be her mother. Later, during the part with Dawn (read below), Oprah asks if Aimee is happy and ok; Aimee says that she is. She wouldn't be if she were taken away from her mother. She'd rather go through the difficulties of her mom's disorder than be taken away.
The Personalities Come Out
- Bonny, a mother figure, who originally was dominant, has gone into seclusion. When Aimee was young, the constant threat of her being taken away by social services caused Bonny to leave and go into hiding.
- Then, Ken comes out. He's a 21 year old gay man who doesn't acknowledge the other personalities. He thinks Aimee is one of his friend's daughters. When Ken looks in the mirror he sees a gay man, not Kim's body.
- Salome is devoutly Catholic and is angry, agitated, and speaks of the good Catholic woman who was murdered and has an evil daughter.
- Dawn thinks it's 1997, that Sky was her baby and social services took away. She doesn't think Aimee, sitting next to her, is her daughter. Aimee is a friend's daughter. This causes Aimee to cry, and Dawn asks if she ever met Sky, because she (Aimee) would have loved her (Sky). Oprah cuts to present, asks Aimee why she was crying, and she begins crying again and explains that she felt rejected.
- Ria Pratt, 12 years old, has painted pictures of ominous things happening; Ria says bad things happen and children get hurt and they're not happy. People don't believe the bad things happen, and the adults in the pictures are smiling. They think the bad things happening are funny. Ria says it's her fault, because she took the sweet.
- Patricia, in the studio with Oprah, says she doesn't have the memories and couldn't cope it she did. Oprah asks who has the memories and Patricia says Ria does.
Oprah asks a clinical psychologist, Dr. Mary Sue Moore, what she sees watching the tape of Ria. Dr. Moore explains that she sees something extremely traumatic happened to Kim, and so the personality Ria developed to capture the memory and protect the rest of the person from ever having to know what happened. This keeps the rest of the person safe.
One encouraging moment at the end of the show is finding out that Erin, the woman mentioned earlier in the Truddi Chase recap, just had a law in Illinois passed. It's called Erin's Law, and it requires education so that children can recognize abuse, know how to be protected from it, and hopefully avoid it.
Gospel Filter Review
This is an extremely painful episode. I'm also praying, praying, praying like crazy because what I feel led by Jesus to write about is yet another touchy and controversial topic. It is also intensely personal and I pray that, similar to how these women sharing their stories encouraged others to share theirs, me sharing mine will point people to the Savior who has cleansed me and who is continually healing me.
First, I want to say that I love the idea of Erin's Law. As I shared briefly in this post, in which I spoke about forgiveness (and I encourage you to read it, since forgiveness was a small theme in this episode) I was sexually abused by my biological father starting as early as possibly only a few days old. It went on until I was nearly 5, and I never said anything because I had absolutely no way of knowing that it wasn't normal. He said it was, he was my daddy, and I trusted him. A "good touch, bad touch" talk at my preschool was what alerted me to something being wrong, and I shared it with my mom who quickly left him and reported it to the police.
Tragically, because I was so young and so confused, the defense lawyer was able to convince the judge that my mom had put lies in my head and manufactured the abuse. I was too confused--what normal daddy doesn't help his daughter get clean in the bath? How come that was ok but his methods of what he said helped me be clean wasn't ok? Plus, I was far too young to remember details like days of the week, time of day, even seasons, and the constant questioning from so many sources--lawyers, psychiatrists, my mom, the police, etc, made it difficult to keep the facts all straight in my head. My biological father was let free, given the same visitation rights as a "normal" divorced father, and eventually began abusing me again, this time using threats to keep me silent since by then I knew it was wrong. I am grateful that other children might have the chance to learn early on what abuse is--it's not just being offered candy by a stranger who abducts you--so they can be better protected.
There were many, many factors in why I stayed silent. I was also sexually abused in four other instances, each by separate men. I can't remember exactly why I didn't speak up about them, but I do know that there was a stigma attached to the abuse, both by society and by what I heard in my head. Everyone, from my mom to the psychiatrist to well-meaning family members and friends' parents, told me that my father was a sick, sick man, a pedophile who saw little girls, even his own daughter, as a grown woman whom it was ok to have a sexual relationship with. He was sick and wrong, and it wasn't my fault. I see now how this is something to be very careful with, because telling me it wasn't my fault also told me that I should be ok, as though if I brought it on myself it would be fine to suffer, but since I was totally innocent then I shouldn't be upset or hurt.
My story includes hearing, very clearly in my head, that I was strong. I remember once, in the middle of being abused, coming up with my means of enduring. I had seen other girls who were a complete mess, and I knew that since my father was so "sick" that he'd be doing this to someone else if I weren't there. I can still hear the thought, some 20-odd years later, "Some other little girl's life would be ruined if he hurts her, but I'm strong and I'll be fine so I'm glad that, if this has to happen to someone, that it's happening to me."
I thought that I came up with this, that I figured it out. For over two decades I believed this, and when I became a Christian at 16 I saw the many, many horrible things from my past as things God brought into my life, to show how strong He'd made me when I endured well, so that way He could use me to encourage others who'd had horrible things happen to them.
I now know this was a lie, told to me by a very real enemy.
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
Ephesians 6:12
There are many other verses, and I encourage you to read this book and to listen to this lecture series (four lectures, about an hour each) for deeper truth about these matters. I cannot do them justice in one blog post. I will say this--God is not a God who causes bad things to happen so He can be glorified. He does not always choose to stop them, but I believe God gave me a clear vision of what was really happening to me as I lay in that bed so many times as a little girl. I clearly see my Heavenly Father, my sweet Jesus, the Holy Spirit, weeping over what was happening to me, present with me, while demonic forces--evil spirits, unclean spirits, Satan's henchmen, whatever you will call them--were whispering both in my ear and to my earthly father as he was abusing me.
To be clear, my earthly father is absolutely still responsible for his sin. Just because the enemy enticed him doesn't make him innocent. The sin in his heart wanted to do the evil that the demonic presence urged him to carry out. I do not know for certain, but I wouldn't be surprised to know that he was abused as a little boy and the same evil, lying demonic spirits probably enticed his abuser as well.
Additionally, though I was innocent and absolutely did not deserve what was done to me, for many, many years I listened to the lying enemy who told me I was strong and that God was honored when I didn't seek Him but instead tried to prove how strong He'd made me. I believed the lies that God was the ultimate abuser who brought suffering into my life. I believed the lies that victims are bad and pathetic and that if I allowed myself to feel hurt over my abuse then I was pathetic and bad. I believed that God is not a good, loving Father whom I can trust.
Yes, what happened to me was absolutely evil. But I also had sin in my heart that wanted desperately to believe these lies, and even found comfort in them. It's been the sweet grace of my loving Father to reveal the truth of His character, and as I see the truth of His character revealed to me, particularly through His inerrant Words in the Bible, I have been able to repent of believing the lies and, in Jesus Christ's name, rebuke the liar.
I believe that sexual abuse, particularly of children, has an inherent demonic link. I believe that the demonic presences that both caused me to be abused and that lied to me about how to respond are demons who have hounded both sides of my family (my mother and my biological father) for generations and generations. The cycles of abuse and the lies about how to respond didn't begin with me. I also believe that my own confused sexuality, not understanding how sex can be a beautiful gift from God meant only for my husband, instead confused about themes of it being dirty and wrong and only exciting when there was some illicit, ungodly aspect attached to it, for the last two decades has been part of the continued demonic presence and lies. I have repented of believing those lies and continue to cling to the Holy Spirit to be the one to teach me the truth, to help me believe it, but I am not so naïve as to think that it's only my own sinful heart that I am dealing with.
Likewise, I believe that these women with fractured personalities aren't simply dealing with flesh and blood--there is a clear demonic presence that I could sense in my spirit through the TV screen. These women--Truddi and Kim-- have been tortured not just by human oppressors but by dark spiritual forces thirsty for their death. The fact that neither Truddi nor Kim existed anymore once the personalities takes over is a sign that the enemy found victory in torturing them until they committed psychological suicide. I cannot say for certain, but I wonder if these women's personalities aren't multiple demons who possess them and take over at different times. Scripture tells us Mary Magdalene had seven demons, so this isn't unprecedented.
We are not fighting merely against the physical world. But here is the truth, the good news. Just as the rest of Ephesians 6 goes on to say, we are not fighting alone. God fights for us. For the non-Christian, it begins with repenting of sin and receiving Jesus' free gift of salvation through His innocent blood shed on the cross and His resurrection which conquered Satan, sin, and death. Jesus's death conquered Satan and frees you from slavery, and if you belong to Him then He helps you (Hebrews 2:14-18). In the meantime, Satan has influence over this world and in spite of his imminent defeat, he is clawing for every bit of death he can bring. The Christian gets to have joy in knowing that God fights for us. The Holy Spirit will show us if we have left our house in a state of insecurity, and He will not only reveal the lies, but He'll help us repent, He'll kick the enemy out, and He will continue to keep our doors and windows shut and locked as we rely on Him.
There was a great sermon about this on Sunday, and once it's available online this upcoming Sunday I will post it, so stay tuned. In the meantime, pray with me. First, pray that God would reveal His truth to you. Pray for a hunger for His Word, so that He can use it to shed light on the darkness. Pray that the Holy Spirit would put in you the desire to repent and get rid of the darkness; lies bring us a sick and twisted comfort. There is a reason we believe them. Pray that Jesus would rebuke the enemy from influencing you (Satan cannot indwell a believer, since we are sealed with the Holy Spirit, but that doesn't stop him from whispering in our ear. And, lastly, pray for Kim and her daughter. Pray that Jesus Christ would come into her life, save her, and set her free from the demonic bondage that is keeping her in chains. And, if you are a Christian, don't take this lightly. You are in a war. You must put on your armor, you must fight, and you must continually cling to the one who goes before you and fights for you.
Up Tomorrow
Why She Sued Her Husband For $12 Million And Won
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Episode 17 - America's Homemaking Queen: Martha Stewart and Her Incredible Comeback
First off, you may notice that I skipped episodes 15 (J.K. Rowling) and 16 (Lisa Ling & Apes). This is hopefully temporary, but I promised my husband that I would never let this blog take over my life or become a source of undue stress. Have you seen Julie & Julia, where her blog becomes a source of tension that allows death and dispute to creep into her marriage and life? We both agree that we don't want to see that in our life because of a blog! I hope to honor and serve you, my readers, by being consistent and dedicated but I also must balance the truth that I have a calling and a life to live and keep this blog in its God-honoring, properly prioritized place which means it comes after my relationship with Jesus, my role as a wife and soon-to-be mother, and as a Christian involved in community who are my family.
I've been trying to catch up but yesterday was filled with getting back to life after vacation and today I had the chance to spend quality time with a dear friend and I couldn't kick her out of my house so I could write a blog. But I'm hoping to catch up, and when I do I'll post them under their original date but note for you in the most recent post that they're there and link to them :)
Ok, onto today's episode. Mrs. Martha Stewart.
Martha Stewart
Recap
Martha Stewart is one of the most successful entrepreneurs in the world. Right off the bat, she and Oprah discuss the prison issue. Martha says she was hurt and angry, but never humiliated. She talks about what she did in prison- waxed the floors, cleaned the waxer, and made ceramic figurines of the nativity scene. She says that there were some very nice visits, and later she discusses how painful it was that her best friend of 20 years testified against her and wrote an unflattering book about her. There's a sense of humility when she says that it was painful, that it's hard to not have any contact with that friend anymore, but that you never know what that person is going through, what pressure they are under, and you have to move on without bitterness.
Later, she discusses the fact that though her stock took a huge hit, generally the trial brought her out better because it was a test and she came out realizing how strong she is. Oprah brings out a picture of Martha at 16 and asks what she would tell her younger self. Martha says she'd tell her to stay curious, to always look to the future, and to try to be very passionate in life.
After a break Martha makes some tasty, tasty looking grilled sandwiches. There are incredible ingredients--sage, apple, mustard, bacon, cheddar, cucumber, fontina, red onion, pickles, etc. Yum. They also make some drinks, and I am reminded why so many people love Martha-- the lady knows her stuff! We get to see clips from her amazing home in Maine, everything from tasty blueberry pie to flower arrangements and the beautiful woodsy lands. After another break, I was super jealous because I love making cards and Martha has the most amazing tools and ideas for card making. It makes me really want to go buy some of her stuff. I guess there's a reason why it's a $32 billion a year industry!
We see a woman named Jeniffer whose husband died from cancer five years ago. She describes seeing Martha in her difficult time with prison and how Martha's strength inspired her to be strong and press on. She gets to meet Martha and thanks her for her strength; Martha acknowledges that Jennifer's trial was much more difficult. Then we move onto learning how to fold a fitted sheet (if you watched, am I the only one who didn't get it still?) and saw a lovely gift basket that includes things she says she made herself. After a break the entire audience gets a gift of all of Martha's crafting tools available at Michael's. Lovely!
Gospel Filter Review
To be quite honest, I wasn't sure what to filter from this episode. I tried last night to force something, and it just felt wrong, so I prayed about it and felt led to sleep on it and come back tomorrow (so, today). I read some incredibly refreshing and amazing scripture this morning in Romans and it really spoke to me and brought to mind something that stuck with me from the episode.
As I noted, there was a woman whose husband, who sounded like a wonderful man, died of cancer right about the time Martha was going through her trial and prison time. The woman, Jennifer, felt Martha conducted herself with such strength and poise that it inspired her to stay strong and endure through the loss of her husband and transition to widow and single motherhood. The way she thanked Martha made me so sad--we can certainly be inpsired by others (remember how, in this post, I pointed to the sermon about how greatness inspires greatness, and it brings joy to God the Father when we strive to be our best for His glory?), but this woman looked to Martha for something that only Jesus can give. Only Jesus can bring us true hope, can minister to us in our grief, can empower us with His Holy Spirit to endure.
The scripture from Romans that captured me was this:
“None is righteous, no, not one;
no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one.”
“Their throat is an open grave;
they use their tongues to deceive.”
“The venom of asps is under their lips.”
“Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness.”
“Their feet are swift to shed blood;
in their paths are ruin and misery,
and the way of peace they have not known.”
“There is no fear of God before their eyes.”
Romans 3:10-18
It may not seem related, but it is. Kudos to Martha Stewart for enduring and not staying knocked down. Yet these verses make it clear that she can be no one's source of hope. No person can! As one who it appears does not have living faith in Jesus as her savior (particularly because she says nothing of Him being her source of strength throughout her trial, rather her finding strength deep within herself of her own accord), Martha Stewart should not be where anyone turns in time of need. There is only One who is our ever present help in time of need (Hebrews 4:16), and the Romans 3 verses make it clear that we need Him all the time. No human being should ever be who we look to for our strength; they can inspire us, point us to Jesus to seek Him to minister to us as He has ministered to them, but there is no goodness in any person, particularly someone not living for God's glory, that we should model our lives after.
I'll repeat this, as I feel it's the most emphatic point--people can inspire us. We can see aspects of someone's life that inspires us to want what they have. But always--ALWAYS--it should be in such a way that we turn to Jesus and seek Him, desiring His will and His glory in our life. We must reject this idea that there's some innate, good strength in Martha that others would be inspired to search out in themselves, and redeem it. The truth is that Jesus Christ is our hope, and no good is in us but He grants us His goodness and His righteousness for His glory and the glory of the Father.
Up Tomorrow
The Mom With 20 Personalities
I've been trying to catch up but yesterday was filled with getting back to life after vacation and today I had the chance to spend quality time with a dear friend and I couldn't kick her out of my house so I could write a blog. But I'm hoping to catch up, and when I do I'll post them under their original date but note for you in the most recent post that they're there and link to them :)
Ok, onto today's episode. Mrs. Martha Stewart.
Martha Stewart
Recap
Martha Stewart is one of the most successful entrepreneurs in the world. Right off the bat, she and Oprah discuss the prison issue. Martha says she was hurt and angry, but never humiliated. She talks about what she did in prison- waxed the floors, cleaned the waxer, and made ceramic figurines of the nativity scene. She says that there were some very nice visits, and later she discusses how painful it was that her best friend of 20 years testified against her and wrote an unflattering book about her. There's a sense of humility when she says that it was painful, that it's hard to not have any contact with that friend anymore, but that you never know what that person is going through, what pressure they are under, and you have to move on without bitterness.
Later, she discusses the fact that though her stock took a huge hit, generally the trial brought her out better because it was a test and she came out realizing how strong she is. Oprah brings out a picture of Martha at 16 and asks what she would tell her younger self. Martha says she'd tell her to stay curious, to always look to the future, and to try to be very passionate in life.
After a break Martha makes some tasty, tasty looking grilled sandwiches. There are incredible ingredients--sage, apple, mustard, bacon, cheddar, cucumber, fontina, red onion, pickles, etc. Yum. They also make some drinks, and I am reminded why so many people love Martha-- the lady knows her stuff! We get to see clips from her amazing home in Maine, everything from tasty blueberry pie to flower arrangements and the beautiful woodsy lands. After another break, I was super jealous because I love making cards and Martha has the most amazing tools and ideas for card making. It makes me really want to go buy some of her stuff. I guess there's a reason why it's a $32 billion a year industry!
We see a woman named Jeniffer whose husband died from cancer five years ago. She describes seeing Martha in her difficult time with prison and how Martha's strength inspired her to be strong and press on. She gets to meet Martha and thanks her for her strength; Martha acknowledges that Jennifer's trial was much more difficult. Then we move onto learning how to fold a fitted sheet (if you watched, am I the only one who didn't get it still?) and saw a lovely gift basket that includes things she says she made herself. After a break the entire audience gets a gift of all of Martha's crafting tools available at Michael's. Lovely!
Gospel Filter Review
To be quite honest, I wasn't sure what to filter from this episode. I tried last night to force something, and it just felt wrong, so I prayed about it and felt led to sleep on it and come back tomorrow (so, today). I read some incredibly refreshing and amazing scripture this morning in Romans and it really spoke to me and brought to mind something that stuck with me from the episode.
As I noted, there was a woman whose husband, who sounded like a wonderful man, died of cancer right about the time Martha was going through her trial and prison time. The woman, Jennifer, felt Martha conducted herself with such strength and poise that it inspired her to stay strong and endure through the loss of her husband and transition to widow and single motherhood. The way she thanked Martha made me so sad--we can certainly be inpsired by others (remember how, in this post, I pointed to the sermon about how greatness inspires greatness, and it brings joy to God the Father when we strive to be our best for His glory?), but this woman looked to Martha for something that only Jesus can give. Only Jesus can bring us true hope, can minister to us in our grief, can empower us with His Holy Spirit to endure.
The scripture from Romans that captured me was this:
“None is righteous, no, not one;
no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one.”
“Their throat is an open grave;
they use their tongues to deceive.”
“The venom of asps is under their lips.”
“Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness.”
“Their feet are swift to shed blood;
in their paths are ruin and misery,
and the way of peace they have not known.”
“There is no fear of God before their eyes.”
Romans 3:10-18
It may not seem related, but it is. Kudos to Martha Stewart for enduring and not staying knocked down. Yet these verses make it clear that she can be no one's source of hope. No person can! As one who it appears does not have living faith in Jesus as her savior (particularly because she says nothing of Him being her source of strength throughout her trial, rather her finding strength deep within herself of her own accord), Martha Stewart should not be where anyone turns in time of need. There is only One who is our ever present help in time of need (Hebrews 4:16), and the Romans 3 verses make it clear that we need Him all the time. No human being should ever be who we look to for our strength; they can inspire us, point us to Jesus to seek Him to minister to us as He has ministered to them, but there is no goodness in any person, particularly someone not living for God's glory, that we should model our lives after.
I'll repeat this, as I feel it's the most emphatic point--people can inspire us. We can see aspects of someone's life that inspires us to want what they have. But always--ALWAYS--it should be in such a way that we turn to Jesus and seek Him, desiring His will and His glory in our life. We must reject this idea that there's some innate, good strength in Martha that others would be inspired to search out in themselves, and redeem it. The truth is that Jesus Christ is our hope, and no good is in us but He grants us His goodness and His righteousness for His glory and the glory of the Father.
Up Tomorrow
The Mom With 20 Personalities
Friday, October 1, 2010
Episode 15 - On Location in Scotland: Oprah and Harry Potter Author J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter Author J.K. Rowling
Recap
Hearing J.K. Rowling's accolades really is quite impressive. She's the first self-made billionaire author in history; her Harry Potter books have sold 400 million copies, are in 69 languages, and 200 countries. The final Harry Potter book, The Deathly Hallows, is the fastest selling book of all time, and the movie franchise has made $5.3 billion--and that's without what is sure to be a mega-blockbuster in the final two movies (The Deathly Hallows was split into two movies, and if you have read the book then you know this is for good reason!). The movies are already the most popular franchise of all time. The numbers are just staggering.
Oprah sits down with Jo in Scotland. Interesting tid-bit there: her name is Jo, and she has no middle name. Her first publisher thought the books would appeal to boys but less so if they knew a woman wrote them, so they asked to use her initials. Since she has no middle name, she used her favorite grandmother's name, Kathleen. Ergo the the famous J.K. Never knew that! They joke that her being a woman sure didn't hold her back.
Oprah and Jo discuss the difficulty of finishing the last book, saying good-bye. Jo says she loved writing the books and can't promise she'll never write another. She thinks she's done, but she can't ever say for certain that she's definitely done with Harry Potter. She isn't done writing, however. She describes the craziness of going from utter obscurity to insane stardom, likening it to being like one of the Beatles, only they had each other and she was alone.
Later, Jo addresses the criticism from the religious world (if we're honest, it's primarily evangelical Christians) about the books being too dark for children, that wizardry is evil, etc. Oprah says she loves that she read somewhere how Jo had said somewhere that she was not trying to convert people to Christianity when she wrote the book; Jo agrees with the quote and says she's not pushing any belief system. She says that there is Christian imagery, an allusion to a belief system in which she was raised. Jo says that the dark and scary aspect, she thinks it would be amazing if a parent found the books a bit "old" for their child and chose to sit down and read it together, to work through some of those issues.
The witchcraft side, saying you can never address it in a book, she finds non-sensical. She feels that the magical world has a draw to humanity that will never go away; she even denotes a quote that she considered using in the books, loosely paraphrased as, "In magic, man has to rely on himself." She notes that in religion, you're looking to a force outside yourself. She says she doesn't believe magic is real, but the appeal is the idea that we can look to ourselves to shape our world.
Oprah says the Potter theme is love, and asks Jo if she's made peace with god, if she'd call the greater power god. She says that she is in the process of making peace with god, and that she would call the spiritual force god. She later discusses her deep, deep depression that inspired the dementors, characters in Harry Potter who cause such despair that they literally suck out a person's soul. It was her utter lack of hope that led to the idea; she was only able to push on because of her young daughter.
Toward the end of the interview, Oprah asks Jo how she would define her dream of happiness. She quotes Dumbledore, speaking to Harry in the first book, saying, "The happiest man alive looks in the mirror and sees himself exactly as he is." Jo says she's pretty close to that.
The show ends with Oprah and Jo talking about seeing such a huge part of each of their lives come to a close, and how the only truly tough part is knowing what the ending does to the readers and viewers who walked with them. Jo closes with telling how a girl seemed to apparate out of nowhere and said to her recently, "You were my childhood." Jo is clearly still humbled and moved by this and we fade out.
Gospel Filter Review
The biggest piece that stood out to me is one I have wrestled with personally, and that is how Christians should handle the Harry Potter books. I myself remember telling a friend that the books were evil and that she had to throw them away. Not donate them, not hide them--destroy them. I was convinced by my church at the time that anything even referring witchcraft is pure evil and should be absolutely avoided, primarily because of this passage:
When you come into the land that the Lord your God is giving you, you shall not learn to follow the abominable practices of those nations. There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord. And because of these abominations the Lord your God is driving them out before you. You shall be blameless before the Lord your God, for these nations, which you are about to dispossess, listen to fortune-tellers and to diviners. But as for you, the Lord your God has not allowed you to do this.
Deuteronomy 18:9-14
I absolutely agree with God's Word that witchcraft in any form--any sort of spell, appealing to spirits, formal religions such as Wicca, religions that don't worship Jesus as God (Islam, Mormonism, Jehovah's Witnesses, Buddhists, Hindus, Zoroastrians; every religion other than Christians who worship Jesus), tribal practices appealing to the spirit world (including nature, ancestors, and the like), god and goddess worship, fortune telling, horoscopes, astrology, the endless list of looking for answers, power, hope, etc, in anything other than the Trinitarian God--is evil.
The spirit world is real, but it's divided into two distinct teams. God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit are one team; everything else is another team, a team whose captain is Satan and whose goal is to trick people, frequently masquerading as an angel of light, to lure them into their own sinful desires that ultimately leads to death. Since I'm doing this episode as catch-up a week late, I can refer to a future episode that deals with these issues, the one that aired Wednesday, October 6 and seemed to me to be a manifestation of demonic presence. Read it for more about Satan and his influence through demonic forces.
While I agree with the Bible that we should abstain from all forms of evil spirit worship, I no longer maintain the position that Christians should boycott Harry Potter. I actually really liked the distinctions that Jo made. First, if a child is reading the books, I think a parent should read it with them. Secondly, this is because a parent can glean the redemptive themes and talk with their child about what God has to say. It's true that magic, as presented in the books, is all about what a human can do to look to themselves for wisdom on how to make the world better, or, in Voldemort's case, to use magic for his own evil glory. A parent can talk a child through that. A parent can talk their child through the fact that what's not evident in the books is that the real "magic" world in our day is one in which Satan reigns and a parent can talk to a child about why God says to avoid it.
A mother can walk through things like the potion in book 6, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, that makes a boy crazy for a girl. I remember reading some books my mom had about astrology and wondering if I could make my crush like me when I was in middle-school, if the stars would tell me we could marry. If there had been a spell book in my home I might have dabbled in that and tried to make my crush fall in love with me. These types of things appeal to most all young girls, and I would embrace the opportunity to talk my young daughter through the truth as we read the series together.
Similarly, Harry seems to constantly defy authority yet it's ok because Dumbledore always knows, in a God-like way, what is best and somehow Harry ends up doing it despite having a horrible disrespect for authority figures. I would talk with my child about this, seeking what God's Word says about authority, and whether or not that's the way it works in the real world, whether my child should look to Harry's example as one to model and why or why not.
To be clear, anyone who is tempted by the magical world should prayerfully abstain. Nor am I saying parents have to read them with their children. It's a matter of conscience. I no longer ascribe to the Christian view that says culture is evil so stay completely out of it, because I do not see that being what Jesus taught nor how He lived. But, for example, while I find the Bible giving freedom to drink without getting drunk, never would I encourage a former alcoholic to hang out at the local pub and witness to people if it tempted them. Similarly, I wouldn't tell someone who finds the magical prowess portrayed in the Harry Potter books to read them and seek God's redemptive truth. The individual Christian, or Christian married couple, should always prayerfully consider what they are ingesting from culture and ask the Holy Spirit to always keep them sharp and aware of their own motives. Our hearts are deceptive and quickly lead us astray, and again, there is a real enemy who hopes to lure our hearts away from God's will.
Personally, I like the Harry Potter books. I think they're masterfully written and leaving that world always makes me a little sad when I choose to read through the series (I've done so 2-3 times). I do love how they encourage imagination and creativity. I think that themes of selflessness can be redeemed, seeing how selfless Jesus was and how that's pictured in Harry's example of consistent sacrifice of his own desires for those he loves, but how Jesus is the one whose example is perfect and how Harry is actually an intentional allusion to Christ-like themes of laying one's life down for his friends. I don't think the series should be burned, and I wish I would have never told my friend to throw hers away. I guilted her with scripture without asking God what His heart on these matters are.
See, Redeeming Oprah wouldn't exist if my view hadn't changed. I believe that it's important to be Spirit led in engaging with culture, seeking what Jesus has to say about what humanity is putting out there. That's the entire point of Redeeming Oprah--what do we receive? reject? redeem? from her shows? There are still some things I stay away from. I would never practice witchcraft to try and redeem it somehow. I don't need to go commit adultery with another woman to know the Bible is true when it condemns adultery and homosexuality. But I can filter aspects of life and culture around me, as God leads, through the Gospel and enjoy the creativity of others, even those not living for His glory, while pointing to Jesus and hoping to see Him glorified in my life. The best part is doing a blog like this that encourages others.
So, ultimately, I am thankful for J.K. Rowling. I am grateful for her books, for the enjoyment I have had in the Harry Potter series (including the movies, which I also very much enjoy). I'm most grateful for the chance to see how the Gospel of Jesus' love, death, burial, resurrection, and redemption of those who belong to Him can be seen through her creative work, even when she doesn't intend it. I pray that she wouldn't have peace, or almost peace, with a nebulous spiritual force that she calls god; I pray that she and her family would know the ultimate, true, lasting peace of being forgiven of sin and reconciled to God through Jesus Christ and His redemption.
Up Tomorrow
Ultimate Amazing Animals: The Ape Who Has Conversations With Humans
Recap
Hearing J.K. Rowling's accolades really is quite impressive. She's the first self-made billionaire author in history; her Harry Potter books have sold 400 million copies, are in 69 languages, and 200 countries. The final Harry Potter book, The Deathly Hallows, is the fastest selling book of all time, and the movie franchise has made $5.3 billion--and that's without what is sure to be a mega-blockbuster in the final two movies (The Deathly Hallows was split into two movies, and if you have read the book then you know this is for good reason!). The movies are already the most popular franchise of all time. The numbers are just staggering.
Oprah sits down with Jo in Scotland. Interesting tid-bit there: her name is Jo, and she has no middle name. Her first publisher thought the books would appeal to boys but less so if they knew a woman wrote them, so they asked to use her initials. Since she has no middle name, she used her favorite grandmother's name, Kathleen. Ergo the the famous J.K. Never knew that! They joke that her being a woman sure didn't hold her back.
Oprah and Jo discuss the difficulty of finishing the last book, saying good-bye. Jo says she loved writing the books and can't promise she'll never write another. She thinks she's done, but she can't ever say for certain that she's definitely done with Harry Potter. She isn't done writing, however. She describes the craziness of going from utter obscurity to insane stardom, likening it to being like one of the Beatles, only they had each other and she was alone.
Later, Jo addresses the criticism from the religious world (if we're honest, it's primarily evangelical Christians) about the books being too dark for children, that wizardry is evil, etc. Oprah says she loves that she read somewhere how Jo had said somewhere that she was not trying to convert people to Christianity when she wrote the book; Jo agrees with the quote and says she's not pushing any belief system. She says that there is Christian imagery, an allusion to a belief system in which she was raised. Jo says that the dark and scary aspect, she thinks it would be amazing if a parent found the books a bit "old" for their child and chose to sit down and read it together, to work through some of those issues.
The witchcraft side, saying you can never address it in a book, she finds non-sensical. She feels that the magical world has a draw to humanity that will never go away; she even denotes a quote that she considered using in the books, loosely paraphrased as, "In magic, man has to rely on himself." She notes that in religion, you're looking to a force outside yourself. She says she doesn't believe magic is real, but the appeal is the idea that we can look to ourselves to shape our world.
Oprah says the Potter theme is love, and asks Jo if she's made peace with god, if she'd call the greater power god. She says that she is in the process of making peace with god, and that she would call the spiritual force god. She later discusses her deep, deep depression that inspired the dementors, characters in Harry Potter who cause such despair that they literally suck out a person's soul. It was her utter lack of hope that led to the idea; she was only able to push on because of her young daughter.
Toward the end of the interview, Oprah asks Jo how she would define her dream of happiness. She quotes Dumbledore, speaking to Harry in the first book, saying, "The happiest man alive looks in the mirror and sees himself exactly as he is." Jo says she's pretty close to that.
The show ends with Oprah and Jo talking about seeing such a huge part of each of their lives come to a close, and how the only truly tough part is knowing what the ending does to the readers and viewers who walked with them. Jo closes with telling how a girl seemed to apparate out of nowhere and said to her recently, "You were my childhood." Jo is clearly still humbled and moved by this and we fade out.
Gospel Filter Review
The biggest piece that stood out to me is one I have wrestled with personally, and that is how Christians should handle the Harry Potter books. I myself remember telling a friend that the books were evil and that she had to throw them away. Not donate them, not hide them--destroy them. I was convinced by my church at the time that anything even referring witchcraft is pure evil and should be absolutely avoided, primarily because of this passage:
When you come into the land that the Lord your God is giving you, you shall not learn to follow the abominable practices of those nations. There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord. And because of these abominations the Lord your God is driving them out before you. You shall be blameless before the Lord your God, for these nations, which you are about to dispossess, listen to fortune-tellers and to diviners. But as for you, the Lord your God has not allowed you to do this.
Deuteronomy 18:9-14
I absolutely agree with God's Word that witchcraft in any form--any sort of spell, appealing to spirits, formal religions such as Wicca, religions that don't worship Jesus as God (Islam, Mormonism, Jehovah's Witnesses, Buddhists, Hindus, Zoroastrians; every religion other than Christians who worship Jesus), tribal practices appealing to the spirit world (including nature, ancestors, and the like), god and goddess worship, fortune telling, horoscopes, astrology, the endless list of looking for answers, power, hope, etc, in anything other than the Trinitarian God--is evil.
The spirit world is real, but it's divided into two distinct teams. God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit are one team; everything else is another team, a team whose captain is Satan and whose goal is to trick people, frequently masquerading as an angel of light, to lure them into their own sinful desires that ultimately leads to death. Since I'm doing this episode as catch-up a week late, I can refer to a future episode that deals with these issues, the one that aired Wednesday, October 6 and seemed to me to be a manifestation of demonic presence. Read it for more about Satan and his influence through demonic forces.
While I agree with the Bible that we should abstain from all forms of evil spirit worship, I no longer maintain the position that Christians should boycott Harry Potter. I actually really liked the distinctions that Jo made. First, if a child is reading the books, I think a parent should read it with them. Secondly, this is because a parent can glean the redemptive themes and talk with their child about what God has to say. It's true that magic, as presented in the books, is all about what a human can do to look to themselves for wisdom on how to make the world better, or, in Voldemort's case, to use magic for his own evil glory. A parent can talk a child through that. A parent can talk their child through the fact that what's not evident in the books is that the real "magic" world in our day is one in which Satan reigns and a parent can talk to a child about why God says to avoid it.
A mother can walk through things like the potion in book 6, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, that makes a boy crazy for a girl. I remember reading some books my mom had about astrology and wondering if I could make my crush like me when I was in middle-school, if the stars would tell me we could marry. If there had been a spell book in my home I might have dabbled in that and tried to make my crush fall in love with me. These types of things appeal to most all young girls, and I would embrace the opportunity to talk my young daughter through the truth as we read the series together.
Similarly, Harry seems to constantly defy authority yet it's ok because Dumbledore always knows, in a God-like way, what is best and somehow Harry ends up doing it despite having a horrible disrespect for authority figures. I would talk with my child about this, seeking what God's Word says about authority, and whether or not that's the way it works in the real world, whether my child should look to Harry's example as one to model and why or why not.
To be clear, anyone who is tempted by the magical world should prayerfully abstain. Nor am I saying parents have to read them with their children. It's a matter of conscience. I no longer ascribe to the Christian view that says culture is evil so stay completely out of it, because I do not see that being what Jesus taught nor how He lived. But, for example, while I find the Bible giving freedom to drink without getting drunk, never would I encourage a former alcoholic to hang out at the local pub and witness to people if it tempted them. Similarly, I wouldn't tell someone who finds the magical prowess portrayed in the Harry Potter books to read them and seek God's redemptive truth. The individual Christian, or Christian married couple, should always prayerfully consider what they are ingesting from culture and ask the Holy Spirit to always keep them sharp and aware of their own motives. Our hearts are deceptive and quickly lead us astray, and again, there is a real enemy who hopes to lure our hearts away from God's will.
Personally, I like the Harry Potter books. I think they're masterfully written and leaving that world always makes me a little sad when I choose to read through the series (I've done so 2-3 times). I do love how they encourage imagination and creativity. I think that themes of selflessness can be redeemed, seeing how selfless Jesus was and how that's pictured in Harry's example of consistent sacrifice of his own desires for those he loves, but how Jesus is the one whose example is perfect and how Harry is actually an intentional allusion to Christ-like themes of laying one's life down for his friends. I don't think the series should be burned, and I wish I would have never told my friend to throw hers away. I guilted her with scripture without asking God what His heart on these matters are.
See, Redeeming Oprah wouldn't exist if my view hadn't changed. I believe that it's important to be Spirit led in engaging with culture, seeking what Jesus has to say about what humanity is putting out there. That's the entire point of Redeeming Oprah--what do we receive? reject? redeem? from her shows? There are still some things I stay away from. I would never practice witchcraft to try and redeem it somehow. I don't need to go commit adultery with another woman to know the Bible is true when it condemns adultery and homosexuality. But I can filter aspects of life and culture around me, as God leads, through the Gospel and enjoy the creativity of others, even those not living for His glory, while pointing to Jesus and hoping to see Him glorified in my life. The best part is doing a blog like this that encourages others.
So, ultimately, I am thankful for J.K. Rowling. I am grateful for her books, for the enjoyment I have had in the Harry Potter series (including the movies, which I also very much enjoy). I'm most grateful for the chance to see how the Gospel of Jesus' love, death, burial, resurrection, and redemption of those who belong to Him can be seen through her creative work, even when she doesn't intend it. I pray that she wouldn't have peace, or almost peace, with a nebulous spiritual force that she calls god; I pray that she and her family would know the ultimate, true, lasting peace of being forgiven of sin and reconciled to God through Jesus Christ and His redemption.
Up Tomorrow
Ultimate Amazing Animals: The Ape Who Has Conversations With Humans
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