Oprah says that playing the role of Sophie in The Color Purple still ranks as one of the highlights of her life. She's ecstatic to have a reunion of the cast, starting with Whoopi Goldberg.
Whoopi Goldberg
Oprah starts be telling us that she and Whoopi haven't spoken or seen one another in years. Oprah tears up recounting how, this last summer, they came across one another at a gathering at Tyler Perry's house, and Whoopi came up to Oprah and asked if had done something. They both thought the other person was mad at them, and people kept telling each of them that the other person was upset with them, but once they spoke they realized neither of them had a problem with the other.
Emma
Whoopi had a very close relationship with her mother, Emma, and Oprah says that something she wrote about in her journal each night while filming The Color Purple was the amazing relationship Whoopi and her mother had. Emma passed away recently, and the pain is still fresh. Whoopi says that her mother was unlike anyone she'd ever known because she was so comfortable being herself. Whoopi gets choked up, and Oprah asks if she can still feel her mother's presence. Whoopi says she's not sure, that sometimes she can't tell, but that her mother would never want her to dwell in the past. She and her brother left nothing unsaid, making sure that before she passed their mother knew how much she meant to them. The best thing her mother gave her was the exhortation to simply be herself, to be an individual and let people deal with it.
The View and the Billy O'Reilly Incident
Whoopi has appeared in over 50 films and has won an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony (I can only think of Tracy Jordan on 30 Rock trying to win his EGOT). Oprah asks how Whoopi ended up on The View, and she says it was because no one was asking her to be in movies and she needed a job. Oprah asks about the recent controversy in which Whoopi and one of her cohosts, Joy Behar, stormed off the stage when Bill O'Reilly was in a conversation with them about the proposed mosque near Ground Zero in New York City and it erupted. Oprah asks why she left, and Whoopi says she was getting to the point where she was going to say something that would either cost her a lot of money in FCC fines and/or get her fired. Oprah then inquires about Barbara Walters stating that to get up and leave was unprofessional, and Whoopi says she knew she made the right decision for herself, because she needed to walk away and cool down or she, "would have cussed him out."
Whoopi at Home
We see Whoopi in her home, a large place built in the '20s. She has a library spread out over three rooms. Whoopi's bedroom has gorgeous Italian deco furniture from the '30s. Whoopi's bathroom is literally half the size of my apartment, and we have a decent sized place! She's quite in love with her toilet and shows us its great functionality--the lid opens when you walk up. Swell. We see Whoopi hanging out with her daughter, granddaughter, and niece, and Whoopi jokes about teaching the children in her family to do the things she loves to do--cuss.
Danny Glover
Oprah invites out Danny Glover, who played the male lead of Albert in The Color Purple. Danny has been in over 60 films and so Oprah asks him what place the film holds for him emotionally. He says it's special because it was the beginning of all three of their careers in many ways. His grandmother saw the film he jokes that she was so angry, that she walked out saying, "That boy know he was better than to act like that." He says that she was 92 years old and for the next 5 years each time he saw her he had to bring a switch with him.
The Color Purple Cast Reunion
Oprah brings out others from the film and they talk about how they got their parts and how the film launched their careers. The actors and their roles were Willard Pugh as Harpo (he played Oprah's husband), Margaret Avery as Shug Avery, Akosua Busia as Nettie, Rae Dawn Chong as Squeak, and Desreta Jackson as Celie. Oprah also brings out Quincy Jones, the man she says, "made it all happen." He gets a long standing ovation from the entire cast and audience. Quincy Jones discovered Oprah when she was doing a morning talk show in Chicago. Oprah asks Quincy how he knew the book could become a film, and he simply knew in his heart. Additionally, everyone said it would be impossible to do a Black film, especially with Steven Spielberg, before anyone ever made Schindler's List into a movie.
Steven Spielberg
In a pre-recorded clip, Steven Spielberg is in his office and recounts telling Oprah that she got the part of Sophie. She was so excited that she threw her arms up and broke one of this space figurines. He says that he's sorry he can't be there at the reunion, but he just returned from filming a movie and is exhausted. He tells the cast that he loves them and they are still special after all of these years.
Favorite Lines
The cast recounts their favorite lines, and I've never seen the movie, but there are apparently some very funny parts because everyone is just rolling with laughter. After a break, we see a man (a jovial white man, of all things!) during a show Oprah did 12 years ago in Texas re-enacting one of her famous scenes. Oprah has him in her audience and he's grateful to be there. The actor who played Oprah's husband jokes with Oprah that he's the "only husband [she's] ever had" and, were it possible, I'd say Oprah busts a gut!
Oprah thanks everyone for being there, and lets us know that the Blu-Ray of The Color Purple will be out on January 25th.
Gospel Filter Review (GFR)
Hopefully this doesn't come across as punking out, but I still feel ick. Don't sleep much or well when I do. Am battling a migraine today, and looking ahead life has to keep rolling on. Since nothing grabbed my heart that I feel I need to write about, I'm not doing a GFR today. Some things occurred that I could write about, but I don't want to risk falling farther behind, so I'm posting this one as is!
Up Tomorrow
Once in a Lifetime Barbra Streisand Extravaganza
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Episode 45 - An Oprah Show Event: 200 Men Who Were Molested Come Forward Part II
Today is part 2 of 2 in Oprah and Tyler Perry's episode about male survivors of sexual abuse coming forward. The recap and Gospel Filter Review of part 1 can be read here. The 200 men have wives, mothers, and partners backstage and much of today's episode will focus on the impact of sexual abuse on relationships and how to move forward.
The Response
Oprah starts by telling us about the response to last week's part 1, and we hear many callers leaving voicemails, in tears, about how touched they were by the courage of the men to come forward and the anger and heartbreak they as viewers were reeling in as a result.
Relationship Impact
Oprah tells us that sexual abuse plants seeds of inferiority and worthlessness, and that adversely affects relationships, particularly intimate ones. We hear clips of men describing their struggles in relationships, from one man saying he hasn't been intimate with his wife in years to another saying he's incredibly promiscuous with women. Other men say they know how to have sex but have never been truly intimate, never giving their heart. Of the 200 men, 80% (that's 160 of them) said in poll that they struggle with intimacy.
The wife of John, the man who said they hadn't been intimate in years, tells us it's been 8 years and the marriage is deteriorating. Tyler Perry asks if it's sex or intimacy, and she says both. The wife says that when she was trying to pursue him, to find out what was going on, she says she was completely shut down and shut out. The wife breaks into tears explaining that when her husband finally admitted the abuse to her a year and a half ago he would allow no questions, nothing, and she feels like he hates and resents her. Tyler says it's not her fault, but the wife says that her husband won't get help and she wants to help him. Oprah explains that him being here is a start and reintroduces us to Dr. Howard Fradkin.
Dr. Howard Fradkin
Again, Dr. Fradkin specializes in counseling male survivors of sexual abuse. He says that John's reaction is very common, that no one wants to talk, share, or trust. Oprah reiterates that sexual abuse changes the way you view yourself, and you act on those views. Dr. Fradkin says he tells men that "recovery is about being disloyal to dysfunction and loyal to functionality." Men have to identify the dysfunctional messages, such as I'm worthless or incapable of being loved, and to refuse to listen to them and learn functional messages and functional behaviors that lead to functional relationships.
Suicide
After a break, we see clips of men talking about wanting to commit suicide. One man says that death--the inability to see, hear, smell--was the only promise of peace that he could see. The polled men say that 81% of them have contemplated suicide and 33% have actually attempted it. Dr. Fradkin says those statistics are horrifying but also very common. Oprah asks why suicide, and Dr. Fradkin says it's simply so devastating, that for men they feel like their manhood, their spirituality, and their ability to connect in a safe way was taken. They feel no safety in the world and suicide seems like the only safe alternative.
Sexual Confusion
Many sexually abused men struggle with sexual confusion, wondering if they are gay or not. Dr. Fradkin says, first and foremost, that being abused is not having sex. A sexual abuse victim is being perpetrated by someone, not having sex with them. Dr. Fradkin says that sexual abuse does not cause anyone to become gay, that most of the time sexuality is determined by age 4 or 5 and most sexual abuse happens after that, once someone's sexuality is already determined. Oprah says there is a myth that sexual abuse can cause you to become gay, and Dr. Fradkin says that sexual orientation has nothing to do with abuse. Oprah is very intrigued by the point that Dr. Fradkin makes that a boy who is being abused by a man, and who is a homosexual, can struggle with feeling like the abuser saw his secret inside of him and brought it out.
Ray
Something that moved me to tears was Oprah telling us that the last man in a montage of clips, sharing about the effects of their abuse, is a man named Ray who has worked on her show for 15 years. He's helped produce many shows about child sexual abuse for the Oprah show over the years, and he decided it was time for him to come forward and share about his own abuse. He went into Oprah's office to tell her in person because he didn't want her to find out on TV. Oprah asks him why now, and he says that he couldn't ask those men to talk about their abuse and he not talk about his. He says that you get abused by your abuser and then you get abused again by the aftermath of the abuse; Oprah says it was profound and poignant when Ray told her last night that he'd spent his life trying to cope and now he's ready to heal. Healing, he says, is when you feel the feelings and are honest about what it has done to you, and mourning that.
Oprah talks about how she was sexually promiscuous as a teenager, thinking that she was just "fast" the way they said she was. She didn't connect her promiscuity to her abuse until she was doing a show later on the topic, and Ray explains that his way of coping has been to be confident, to be great at everything he does, because he was trying to prove to himself that he really was worthy. Dr. Fradkin says that every tear shed is one that gives worth back to the survivor.
Not Killed
Many abuse survivors say that they feel as though they were killed as a child, like the little boy they were died. Tyler Perry expressed this very clearly in his original show with Oprah about his own sexual abuse. Dr. Fradkin says that the little boy didn't die, and that the men now are fighting to protect that little boy inside, essentially giving him the life he deserves. He says it's important to let that little boy say his truth, to give him a chance to heal.
A Child Molester's Perspective
Last year, Oprah sat down with four child molesters, and she shows a segment from that show. Oprah asks one man if he loved the little girl he abused, and he says yes. She asks then if he's thought about how he affected her, and the man says he spent a lot of time thinking about it, and that he thinks he kills who she could have been. He says he basically murdered a person.
Moving Forward
One man, Daniel, tells Oprah that seeing that moment from that show impacted him deeply, because he didn't tell his parents for nearly 30 years. Realizing that he feels like his abuser killed who he could have been makes him wonder if he could have been a different father, a different husband, a different person. Oprah says that her favorite definition of forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different. She says you have to mourn what has happened but not to stay there.
Dr. Fradkin says you must fully mourn what happened, but you can't move forward until you have fully mourned and most people need professional help to do this. He points out that the abuser said he loved the little girl he abused, but that's never love, yet the abused person rarely can fully get this through the mess of confusion that is imposed on them as they are being abused. Dr. Fradkin says that you must learn tools and techniques to go back and rescue the abused boy, and then to bring him back to the present to have one life together with the man who lives now.
The Abused Becomes The Abuser?
One man says that one of the most hurtful myths is that if a boy is abused then he'll grow up to become an abuser. This is the reason, he says, so many boys never say anything, because they don't want anyone to think they'll grow up to become "one of them." Dr. Fradkin says that it is a myth, and that it's a very small minority of men who go on to become molesters. He explains that many men who are perpetrators were abused themselves, but that many men who were abused abhor that kind of violence and would never do that to anyone. Dr. Fradkin concurs that many men don't come forward because they fear the stigma.
One key point he makes is that many abused men don't like to be around children because they fear any situation that makes them uncomfortable. Something so simple as changing a diaper can cause a flashback or bring up the horrible feelings and cause a man to recoil from children. This can affect many abused men who become fathers.
Getting Help
Dr. Fradkin says it's important to get help and Oprah asks where. Dr. Fradkin says you have to find a therapist; if there's no therapist in your area, then look online and find a community where you can find other survivors for support. Oprah says she's been thinking about prison and how many men are probably there because they were abused and turned to rage and violence.
Oprah's site has resources; you can see them here:
http://www.oprah.com/packages/sexual-abuse-resource-center.html
Donna & Mark
Eight years ago, a man Mark came out on Oprah's show talked about being abused by his priest. A woman named Donna was watching the show and her husband Ray saw the priest's blurred out photo and Ray whispered, "I'd know that face anywhere." That was the day she found out that same priest had sexually abused her husband. For their 24 year marriage her husband was distant and they even considered divorce. Her husband reached out to Mark, and that began the process of healing. The priest was never convicted and the church never accepted liability for the abuse. Three months ago Donna's husband Ray died in her arms after suffering a major heart attack, but today she gets to tell Mark thank you for saving her marriage and helping her husband to heal. Donna tells Mark that if he had not had his courage to come forward, and that her husband would not have been able to die in peace after finding so much healing through support groups after coming forward.
Oprah closes by saying that she's grateful that any current victim or survivor gets to watch this show and know, "I am not the only one."
Gospel Filter Review (GFR)
I'm still not feeling great, and through watching this show much of the material is best addressed in the previous 200 Men post as well as the original Tyler Perry post, and other posts from shows dealing with the theme of sexual abuse. I will say that this subject matter is heartbreaking and that I cried many tears writing this recap; that may be part of why I'm so worn out today in particular.
Up Monday
The Response
Oprah starts by telling us about the response to last week's part 1, and we hear many callers leaving voicemails, in tears, about how touched they were by the courage of the men to come forward and the anger and heartbreak they as viewers were reeling in as a result.
Relationship Impact
Oprah tells us that sexual abuse plants seeds of inferiority and worthlessness, and that adversely affects relationships, particularly intimate ones. We hear clips of men describing their struggles in relationships, from one man saying he hasn't been intimate with his wife in years to another saying he's incredibly promiscuous with women. Other men say they know how to have sex but have never been truly intimate, never giving their heart. Of the 200 men, 80% (that's 160 of them) said in poll that they struggle with intimacy.
The wife of John, the man who said they hadn't been intimate in years, tells us it's been 8 years and the marriage is deteriorating. Tyler Perry asks if it's sex or intimacy, and she says both. The wife says that when she was trying to pursue him, to find out what was going on, she says she was completely shut down and shut out. The wife breaks into tears explaining that when her husband finally admitted the abuse to her a year and a half ago he would allow no questions, nothing, and she feels like he hates and resents her. Tyler says it's not her fault, but the wife says that her husband won't get help and she wants to help him. Oprah explains that him being here is a start and reintroduces us to Dr. Howard Fradkin.
Dr. Howard Fradkin
Again, Dr. Fradkin specializes in counseling male survivors of sexual abuse. He says that John's reaction is very common, that no one wants to talk, share, or trust. Oprah reiterates that sexual abuse changes the way you view yourself, and you act on those views. Dr. Fradkin says he tells men that "recovery is about being disloyal to dysfunction and loyal to functionality." Men have to identify the dysfunctional messages, such as I'm worthless or incapable of being loved, and to refuse to listen to them and learn functional messages and functional behaviors that lead to functional relationships.
Suicide
After a break, we see clips of men talking about wanting to commit suicide. One man says that death--the inability to see, hear, smell--was the only promise of peace that he could see. The polled men say that 81% of them have contemplated suicide and 33% have actually attempted it. Dr. Fradkin says those statistics are horrifying but also very common. Oprah asks why suicide, and Dr. Fradkin says it's simply so devastating, that for men they feel like their manhood, their spirituality, and their ability to connect in a safe way was taken. They feel no safety in the world and suicide seems like the only safe alternative.
Sexual Confusion
Many sexually abused men struggle with sexual confusion, wondering if they are gay or not. Dr. Fradkin says, first and foremost, that being abused is not having sex. A sexual abuse victim is being perpetrated by someone, not having sex with them. Dr. Fradkin says that sexual abuse does not cause anyone to become gay, that most of the time sexuality is determined by age 4 or 5 and most sexual abuse happens after that, once someone's sexuality is already determined. Oprah says there is a myth that sexual abuse can cause you to become gay, and Dr. Fradkin says that sexual orientation has nothing to do with abuse. Oprah is very intrigued by the point that Dr. Fradkin makes that a boy who is being abused by a man, and who is a homosexual, can struggle with feeling like the abuser saw his secret inside of him and brought it out.
Ray
Something that moved me to tears was Oprah telling us that the last man in a montage of clips, sharing about the effects of their abuse, is a man named Ray who has worked on her show for 15 years. He's helped produce many shows about child sexual abuse for the Oprah show over the years, and he decided it was time for him to come forward and share about his own abuse. He went into Oprah's office to tell her in person because he didn't want her to find out on TV. Oprah asks him why now, and he says that he couldn't ask those men to talk about their abuse and he not talk about his. He says that you get abused by your abuser and then you get abused again by the aftermath of the abuse; Oprah says it was profound and poignant when Ray told her last night that he'd spent his life trying to cope and now he's ready to heal. Healing, he says, is when you feel the feelings and are honest about what it has done to you, and mourning that.
Oprah talks about how she was sexually promiscuous as a teenager, thinking that she was just "fast" the way they said she was. She didn't connect her promiscuity to her abuse until she was doing a show later on the topic, and Ray explains that his way of coping has been to be confident, to be great at everything he does, because he was trying to prove to himself that he really was worthy. Dr. Fradkin says that every tear shed is one that gives worth back to the survivor.
Not Killed
Many abuse survivors say that they feel as though they were killed as a child, like the little boy they were died. Tyler Perry expressed this very clearly in his original show with Oprah about his own sexual abuse. Dr. Fradkin says that the little boy didn't die, and that the men now are fighting to protect that little boy inside, essentially giving him the life he deserves. He says it's important to let that little boy say his truth, to give him a chance to heal.
A Child Molester's Perspective
Last year, Oprah sat down with four child molesters, and she shows a segment from that show. Oprah asks one man if he loved the little girl he abused, and he says yes. She asks then if he's thought about how he affected her, and the man says he spent a lot of time thinking about it, and that he thinks he kills who she could have been. He says he basically murdered a person.
Moving Forward
One man, Daniel, tells Oprah that seeing that moment from that show impacted him deeply, because he didn't tell his parents for nearly 30 years. Realizing that he feels like his abuser killed who he could have been makes him wonder if he could have been a different father, a different husband, a different person. Oprah says that her favorite definition of forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different. She says you have to mourn what has happened but not to stay there.
Dr. Fradkin says you must fully mourn what happened, but you can't move forward until you have fully mourned and most people need professional help to do this. He points out that the abuser said he loved the little girl he abused, but that's never love, yet the abused person rarely can fully get this through the mess of confusion that is imposed on them as they are being abused. Dr. Fradkin says that you must learn tools and techniques to go back and rescue the abused boy, and then to bring him back to the present to have one life together with the man who lives now.
The Abused Becomes The Abuser?
One man says that one of the most hurtful myths is that if a boy is abused then he'll grow up to become an abuser. This is the reason, he says, so many boys never say anything, because they don't want anyone to think they'll grow up to become "one of them." Dr. Fradkin says that it is a myth, and that it's a very small minority of men who go on to become molesters. He explains that many men who are perpetrators were abused themselves, but that many men who were abused abhor that kind of violence and would never do that to anyone. Dr. Fradkin concurs that many men don't come forward because they fear the stigma.
One key point he makes is that many abused men don't like to be around children because they fear any situation that makes them uncomfortable. Something so simple as changing a diaper can cause a flashback or bring up the horrible feelings and cause a man to recoil from children. This can affect many abused men who become fathers.
Getting Help
Dr. Fradkin says it's important to get help and Oprah asks where. Dr. Fradkin says you have to find a therapist; if there's no therapist in your area, then look online and find a community where you can find other survivors for support. Oprah says she's been thinking about prison and how many men are probably there because they were abused and turned to rage and violence.
Oprah's site has resources; you can see them here:
http://www.oprah.com/packages/sexual-abuse-resource-center.html
Donna & Mark
Eight years ago, a man Mark came out on Oprah's show talked about being abused by his priest. A woman named Donna was watching the show and her husband Ray saw the priest's blurred out photo and Ray whispered, "I'd know that face anywhere." That was the day she found out that same priest had sexually abused her husband. For their 24 year marriage her husband was distant and they even considered divorce. Her husband reached out to Mark, and that began the process of healing. The priest was never convicted and the church never accepted liability for the abuse. Three months ago Donna's husband Ray died in her arms after suffering a major heart attack, but today she gets to tell Mark thank you for saving her marriage and helping her husband to heal. Donna tells Mark that if he had not had his courage to come forward, and that her husband would not have been able to die in peace after finding so much healing through support groups after coming forward.
Oprah closes by saying that she's grateful that any current victim or survivor gets to watch this show and know, "I am not the only one."
Gospel Filter Review (GFR)
I'm still not feeling great, and through watching this show much of the material is best addressed in the previous 200 Men post as well as the original Tyler Perry post, and other posts from shows dealing with the theme of sexual abuse. I will say that this subject matter is heartbreaking and that I cried many tears writing this recap; that may be part of why I'm so worn out today in particular.
Up Monday
Whoopi Goldberg Clearing Up Feud Rumors and The Color Purple Reunion
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Episode 44 - Marie Osmond's First Interview
Still ridiculously sick. I may try to catch up on this one, especially with the subject matter of suicide, but at this rate it will be awhile.
Sorry friends!
Up Tomorrow
Sorry friends!
Up Tomorrow
An Oprah Show Event: 200 Men Who Were Molested Come Forward Part II
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Episode 43 - Talk Show Hosts Together For The First Time
Tragically, I am really, really sick. This episode may never get done. I might try to catch up later, or it may just not happen. Vomiting isn't great for pregnant ladies, and since I'm 24 weeks tomorrow I need to protect and love my little man, and honor my husband, by resting.
I promised Jason I would never let this blog rule my life, so it's got to take a back burner today for sure, possibly tomorrow. I'll definitely do Friday's episode, even if I do it late, since it's part 2 of the 200 men coming forward about being sexually abused.
Thank you all for your patience and grace!
Up Tomorrow
I promised Jason I would never let this blog rule my life, so it's got to take a back burner today for sure, possibly tomorrow. I'll definitely do Friday's episode, even if I do it late, since it's part 2 of the 200 men coming forward about being sexually abused.
Thank you all for your patience and grace!
Up Tomorrow
Marie Osmond's First Interview Since Her Son's Suicide
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Episode 42 - Former President Bush on His Most Difficult Decisions
I'm actually kind of excited for this episode. I have always found GW (as I'm going to call him through this recap) fascinating, regardless of where I agree or disagree with him. I hope Oprah is respectful!
G.W. Bush
In the two years since leaving office, GW has been working on his memoir, Decision Points; it releases today and you can buy it here on Amazon. Oprah asks about the moment he stepped on the airplane to go home to Texas after seeing President Obama sworn in. GW says that he was reflecting on the gift of a peaceful transfer of power in our nation, and joined his mother and father (whom he "love"s and "adore"s, respectively) and his wife, Laura, on the helicopter. He says he was honored to serve our country for 8 years. He said he felt relaxed, uncertain of what to expect post-presidency, and ready to go home.
Obama and Labels
GW talks with Oprah about one of the sacrifices you make as president: the complete loss of anonymity. He says that he has zero desire to return to the limelight and we're never going to see him criticizing Obama. He loves our country, he says, and wants to see his successor succeed. Oprah discusses the negative labels put on him, and asks him which one was the worst, and he tells her that they all pretty much become the same. He says it was far harder to see his father be criticized back in his term than it was for GW himself. Oprah inquires about the attack on his intelligence, and he says it didn't bother him. It bothered his daughters and his wife, but he tells Oprah, "I knew what I was doing," and that, essentially, had he become caught up in the criticism he couldn't have done his job as a leader.
Quitting Alcohol
The book is called Decision Points, because it is about every major decision he made as president. His first and most important decision came at age 40 and it was to stop drinking. He said it was crowding out his affection for his wife and daughters and it was a breaking point for him to realize that he loved alcohol because he loved how it made him feel about himself. He recalls a story of being inebriated, and the way in which alcohol loosened up his tongue; alcohol made him a fool. Once, while drinking, he asked an older woman what sex is like after 50, which humiliated his family. He does joke that, while governor of Texas, the woman sent him a note after his own 50th birthday saying, "Well, what's the answer?" Suffice it to say, GW believes that had he never quit drinking he never would have been president, nor could he have led and made the many decisions he did.
9/11
Upon finding out about the attacks, GW recalls intentionally choosing to continue the lesson he was doing in a second grade classroom in Florida. He says that he chose to remain, to leave calmly, because, "the nation would be in shock. The president could not be." He knew cameras were on him the entire time and his desire was to gather the facts and address his nation, now a country under attack, as a leader focused on how to proceed. He says that he had expected his presidency to be about domestic policy, but that he awoke on September 12, 2001 with a policy now focused on war.
Oprah asks GW about that day, and he says that he originally felt angry, a sense of, "How dare they!" But then he looked at the children and felt that his role was to protect them, to keep his cool and lead well. He wanted to go home to DC, and so he overrode everybody's advice--the Secret Service, Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, etc--and went back home to DC. He explains that there was absolutely no way that he would give the enemy of seeing the Commander in Chief of the United States hiding out and addressing the nation from Omaha, Nebraska. Oprah asks if he was ever personally afraid, and he says that he never was. He was afraid for the nation, but he's fatalistic about his own death: when it's time to go, it's time to go.
Operation Iraqi Freedom
Oprah inquires about Iraq, saying that in his book GW states that upon there being no WMDs (weapons of mass destruction; basically, nuclear weapons) found in Iraq, it gave him a sickening feeling and that it still does. GW says that everyone thought he had WMDs, from the intelligence agencies to most everyone who later criticized his decision to go to war. He says that in the post-9/11 era, an enemy with WMDs who might use those to equip an enemy who might attack us was simply looked at completely differently than before 9/11, when we likely wouldn't have engaged in war. He says that you could not let a threat materialize, and Saddam Hussein was a threat. GW says that he still feels sick about there being no WMDs, but that when Hussein was removed a team did find that Hussein had amassed the equipment to make WMDs.
Basically, Bush's point is that had he known there were no WMDs he doesn't know if he would have declared war because he didn't have that luxury. However, in the book he says that people criticize you on the decisions you do make but often ignore the decisions you don't make. He feels the Iraq war was for the best still because had Hussein remained in power then today the world would be a less safe, less stable place. and 25 million Iraqis would still be under the thumb of a "brutal, ruthless dictator" and that his point is that the world's a better place with him gone.
Oprah asks if GW thinks he was misled about the WMDs, and he says no. He says that Hussein wanted everyone to think he had them, and deliberately chose to mislead the investigators searching for them. He lied to and convinced many in his own administration that he had WMDs. Oprah quotes the statistic that 4,421 of our troops are now dead because of the war and asks how heavily that weighs on him. GW says that it weighs very heavily because a decision he made affected people's lives in such a disruptive way. However, he feels that it would weigh more heavily on him if he had cared more about his own political standing than completing the mission he committed to. He tells the story in his book about standing before the wife and children of a soldier who died (presumably in Iraq), and the wife handed him a note that said, "John did his job. Now you do yours."
Hurricane Katrina
Oprah asks Bush about Katrina, and GW says that he made a mistake by not landing when he flew over the devastation left behind. At the time, he chose not to land because he knew that if he did, then the focus would shift from the delivery of resources to keeping him safe. He was concerned about facing criticism for disrupting the flow of resources, so he chose to only fly over. He sees in retrospect that the picture of him looking out the window and flying over gives the impression that he didn't care enough to land, but he says it tears him up because he cared very much.
Bush clarifies that the role in responding to emergencies is on the shoulders of the governor; when he was Governor of Texas he didn't want the federal government responding. He met with the governor of Louisiana, and he told the governor in person to give him the authority to send in federal troops. Oprah says that reading Decision Points helped her understand the situation, because most people don't understand the way local, state, and federal government works. Bush's hands were tied because he needed an executive order from the governor declaring an emergency and asking for help before he could step in. Upon asking her to declare the emergency, she said she needed 24 hours.
Oprah asks why, after sitting in a meeting with the mayor of New Orleans and the governor all bickering and pointing fingers and blaming one another, GW didn't basically say, "That's it, I'm taking over." Bush explains that, without the express permission of the governor, he was only allowed to send in unarmed troops. At the time he was hearing reports of rape, murder, and gunfire so he wasn't going to send in troops without the ability to defend themselves. Knowing now that many of those reports were exaggerated and untrue, he says had he known this then he would have sent them in.
The Racist Accusation
Oprah says that in the book, GW also writes that he didn't make the wrong decision, he simply didn't make the decision soon enough. He says he could have done a better job, but that what really irritated him was the accusation that he was stalling because he was a racist. Bush is visibly upset when Oprah recounts Kanye West's accusation that Bush didn't care about black people, and he says, "That really hurt." GW tells Oprah, "You can disagree with my politics but don't ever accuse me of being a racist."
Oprah asks if GW understands how him flying over and looking out the window at mostly poor Black people could lead to the perception that he is racist, and he says no. He can understand people thinking he just didn't care, but the accusation that it was because he was racist is absolutely disgusting and still gets him worked up to this day (and as he says this, he's very animated and his face is rather red). He says it's one thing to say, "He could have done a better job, but you don't call a man a racist." He says he feels his heart is confident on that matter.
Family Chat
Around the Bush family, GW is known as 43 and his father is known as 41 because they were the 43rd and 41st presidents, respectively. Oprah sits down at their family summer home, Walker's Point in Maine, where five generations of the Bush family have spent their summers. GW is with his mom and dad, and says that he simply adored his dad growing up. He loved his mom, too, but she was more of the enforcer so he liked to test her. He says he has his daddy's eyes and his mother's mouth, and Barbara jokes, "You should be so lucky." Father and son agree that spending time together in the Oval office after GW became president was incredibly powerful. GW says that his family loves each other and supports one another and that matters far more than political criticism from the outside.
Sarah Palin (and More Obama)
Oprah tells Bush, back in the studio, that his brother Jeb says he supports Sarah Palin's probable presidential candidacy in 2012. Oprah asks GW if he thinks Sarah Palin is "the one" for the Republican party. Bush says he's not a political pundit, and a lot will happen between now and the nomination. Oprah quips, "I'm not asking you to pundit, I'm just asking your opinion." GW quips right back, "You're asking me to wade back into the swamp!" Bush says he's keeping his opinions to himself and that's why he's not said anything about Obama, because the last thing people need is a former president out there opining about things. A current president's job is hard enough without everyone saying what he should be doing.
The Economy
Oprah talks about how Bush wrote the book intentionally so that we could be inside his head, seeing the decisions he had to make. He makes clear that he did not see the economic downturn coming. He did see the problems with the risky investments that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were making. He asked congress to reform it and they refused to. He jokes that it's important to keep that bit of history straight. Bush defends his decision to give taxpayer money to Wall Street, though it killed him to do so since he felt Wall Street caused the mess. He feels, however, that it was the right thing and that it stopped the country from going into an all out depression.
10 Years Ago
We see a clip of Oprah sitting down with GW 10 years ago, when he was last on her show in 2000 as a presidential hopeful. Oprah asks what Bush now would say to that man, and he says he'd tell himself that serving as president is a honor. He'd also tell him to never sell his soul for politics, to have a set of principles that are inviolable and to refuse compromise them for popularity's sake. Bush says he's grateful that he never did sell his soul in order to be popular. She asks if writing the book was difficult and he says that it kept him occupied. He jokes that many people didn't think he could read, let alone write. Oprah thanks him for his time and we're out.
Gospel Filter Review (GFR)
This was a great episode. It was really interesting for me to get insight into a president's mind. I can't imagine the pressure on a man who is considered to be one of the single greatest sources of influence on the entire world. It was also a poignant reminder, seeing how funny and relaxed and personable Bush is, that a president--or any incredibly famous person--is simply a person, just like us. Sure, few of us have ever even seen an estate like Walker's Point in person, let alone had the kind of family wealth to spend summers there. But George Walker Bush, regardless of public perception, regardless of how much of the criticism was "fair" or not, is a son, a husband, a father, and a child of God just like every other human being.
The biggest thing that I want to address is government and authority, and the Bible's teaching on both. The Bible tells us very, very clearly in Romans that we are to honor and respect governing authorities because God put them in that role. Here is that passage from Romans, italicized emphasis mine.
In both cases, the men faced death. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were given the opportunity to stand before the king and deny God in order to save their lives, and they refused. Nubuchadnezzar was so into himself that he was outraged that they wouldn't worship him.
This includes respect. Whether you felt like life ended or began when our presidential administration transitioned to President Obama, both Bush and Obama were put in place by God. We need to honor and respect Jesus in how we honor our government. There are many politicians I do not like nor do I inherently respect the decisions they make nor how they present themselves. However, God has chosen to allow those people to be in places of influence and I agree with President Bush--it is not my place to opine about how they could do their jobs better. I can pray for them and I can show my opinion when I vote.
Full disclosure: generally speaking, I lean conservative. That said, I personally am equally disgusted with both Democrats and Republicans, and quite frankly, if my choice was between Obama and Sarah Palin, I would choose to not vote. I cannot in good conscience vote for someone with policies like Obama's, namely his policies on abortion. Though she is pro-life, there are many, many reasons I could never with good conscience vote for Sarah Palin. I tell you this not to air my opinion and attempt to sway yours, but because the truth is that these things are just what I said: a matter of conscience. I know and respect Christians who did and will vote for Obama, and others who love Jesus and do support Sarah Palin. My aim is not to tear down either of them, nor any other politician. They are where they are by the grace of God, whether I like it or not.
Additionally, regardless of whether someone knows and loves Jesus, politicians were created by God in His image and just as I would never speak ill of a close friend because the Bible tells me to abstain from gossip I shouldn't run my mouth and criticize politicians. Fame and position does not remove nor exempt Biblical commands about building people up, praying for our enemies, and letting our speech be seasoned with grace. Yes, we can disagree with policies. We can privately cringe when we hate the direction a president leads our country. We can love or hate a decision, such as the one's Bush spoke of today (war in Iraq, Katrina, etc). But it is absolutely a sin to rip apart a president with our tongues. It was a sin of people to rip apart Bush, it is a sin for people to rip apart Obama, and it's a sin for people to rip apart Sarah Palin. And that's hard because I don't like Sarah Palin, nor how she chooses to conduct herself, but that does not give me the right to make declarations about her character.
Again, the issue here is submission to authority, namely government. Ultimately, we worship God in how we respond to government. I hate the way much of our tax money is spent, but we worship Jesus by paying our taxes. I do not agree with some of Obama's decisions, nor did I agree with all of Bush's policies, but to attack their character is not godly nor worshipful. I'm disgusted when Christians who say they represent Jesus bash those in leadership roles instead of praying for them and seeking how they can best honor God in the midst of their displeasure. The way Bush was treated, and now the way many are treating President Obama, is wrong, and Romans tells us that those people are bringing judgment on themselves.
So, pray for rulers. Ask Jesus to help you worship Him by honoring them when they frustrate and aggravate you, turning to him with why you're really upset. Let's be honest--the reason we detest authority is deeper than their decisions. Often the decisions of leaders, particularly our government, threaten things that matter to us. I'm frustrated when my local government makes decisions to basically punish people who have cars because we need our car and we don't have a lot of money so the value judgment of leaders to take more of our money because we drive a car threatens my idol of security. I'm less angry with the actual decision or decision makers and more upset that my desire to protect "our money" is being threatened. It comes down to my trust in Jesus, whether or not I believe that He'll provide and take care of us regardless of how much money the government takes from us. I can rant and rave against the people who enact the policies, but ultimately it's a heart issue, a worshiping Jesus issue.
This is heavy stuff, but it's practical. The Bible is practical! Honor the government. Submit to them. That includes how we think and talk about our leaders. We don't have to like them, we don't have to like their policies, but we are accountable to God and He is in control anyway! So, I hope that people don't just soften to President Bush because they understand him better, understand his decisions better, but because hearts turn toward Jesus and worship Him by honoring their former president... and their current one.
Up Tomorrow
G.W. Bush
In the two years since leaving office, GW has been working on his memoir, Decision Points; it releases today and you can buy it here on Amazon. Oprah asks about the moment he stepped on the airplane to go home to Texas after seeing President Obama sworn in. GW says that he was reflecting on the gift of a peaceful transfer of power in our nation, and joined his mother and father (whom he "love"s and "adore"s, respectively) and his wife, Laura, on the helicopter. He says he was honored to serve our country for 8 years. He said he felt relaxed, uncertain of what to expect post-presidency, and ready to go home.
Obama and Labels
GW talks with Oprah about one of the sacrifices you make as president: the complete loss of anonymity. He says that he has zero desire to return to the limelight and we're never going to see him criticizing Obama. He loves our country, he says, and wants to see his successor succeed. Oprah discusses the negative labels put on him, and asks him which one was the worst, and he tells her that they all pretty much become the same. He says it was far harder to see his father be criticized back in his term than it was for GW himself. Oprah inquires about the attack on his intelligence, and he says it didn't bother him. It bothered his daughters and his wife, but he tells Oprah, "I knew what I was doing," and that, essentially, had he become caught up in the criticism he couldn't have done his job as a leader.
Quitting Alcohol
The book is called Decision Points, because it is about every major decision he made as president. His first and most important decision came at age 40 and it was to stop drinking. He said it was crowding out his affection for his wife and daughters and it was a breaking point for him to realize that he loved alcohol because he loved how it made him feel about himself. He recalls a story of being inebriated, and the way in which alcohol loosened up his tongue; alcohol made him a fool. Once, while drinking, he asked an older woman what sex is like after 50, which humiliated his family. He does joke that, while governor of Texas, the woman sent him a note after his own 50th birthday saying, "Well, what's the answer?" Suffice it to say, GW believes that had he never quit drinking he never would have been president, nor could he have led and made the many decisions he did.
9/11
Upon finding out about the attacks, GW recalls intentionally choosing to continue the lesson he was doing in a second grade classroom in Florida. He says that he chose to remain, to leave calmly, because, "the nation would be in shock. The president could not be." He knew cameras were on him the entire time and his desire was to gather the facts and address his nation, now a country under attack, as a leader focused on how to proceed. He says that he had expected his presidency to be about domestic policy, but that he awoke on September 12, 2001 with a policy now focused on war.
Oprah asks GW about that day, and he says that he originally felt angry, a sense of, "How dare they!" But then he looked at the children and felt that his role was to protect them, to keep his cool and lead well. He wanted to go home to DC, and so he overrode everybody's advice--the Secret Service, Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, etc--and went back home to DC. He explains that there was absolutely no way that he would give the enemy of seeing the Commander in Chief of the United States hiding out and addressing the nation from Omaha, Nebraska. Oprah asks if he was ever personally afraid, and he says that he never was. He was afraid for the nation, but he's fatalistic about his own death: when it's time to go, it's time to go.
Operation Iraqi Freedom
Oprah inquires about Iraq, saying that in his book GW states that upon there being no WMDs (weapons of mass destruction; basically, nuclear weapons) found in Iraq, it gave him a sickening feeling and that it still does. GW says that everyone thought he had WMDs, from the intelligence agencies to most everyone who later criticized his decision to go to war. He says that in the post-9/11 era, an enemy with WMDs who might use those to equip an enemy who might attack us was simply looked at completely differently than before 9/11, when we likely wouldn't have engaged in war. He says that you could not let a threat materialize, and Saddam Hussein was a threat. GW says that he still feels sick about there being no WMDs, but that when Hussein was removed a team did find that Hussein had amassed the equipment to make WMDs.
Basically, Bush's point is that had he known there were no WMDs he doesn't know if he would have declared war because he didn't have that luxury. However, in the book he says that people criticize you on the decisions you do make but often ignore the decisions you don't make. He feels the Iraq war was for the best still because had Hussein remained in power then today the world would be a less safe, less stable place. and 25 million Iraqis would still be under the thumb of a "brutal, ruthless dictator" and that his point is that the world's a better place with him gone.
Oprah asks if GW thinks he was misled about the WMDs, and he says no. He says that Hussein wanted everyone to think he had them, and deliberately chose to mislead the investigators searching for them. He lied to and convinced many in his own administration that he had WMDs. Oprah quotes the statistic that 4,421 of our troops are now dead because of the war and asks how heavily that weighs on him. GW says that it weighs very heavily because a decision he made affected people's lives in such a disruptive way. However, he feels that it would weigh more heavily on him if he had cared more about his own political standing than completing the mission he committed to. He tells the story in his book about standing before the wife and children of a soldier who died (presumably in Iraq), and the wife handed him a note that said, "John did his job. Now you do yours."
Hurricane Katrina
Oprah asks Bush about Katrina, and GW says that he made a mistake by not landing when he flew over the devastation left behind. At the time, he chose not to land because he knew that if he did, then the focus would shift from the delivery of resources to keeping him safe. He was concerned about facing criticism for disrupting the flow of resources, so he chose to only fly over. He sees in retrospect that the picture of him looking out the window and flying over gives the impression that he didn't care enough to land, but he says it tears him up because he cared very much.
Bush clarifies that the role in responding to emergencies is on the shoulders of the governor; when he was Governor of Texas he didn't want the federal government responding. He met with the governor of Louisiana, and he told the governor in person to give him the authority to send in federal troops. Oprah says that reading Decision Points helped her understand the situation, because most people don't understand the way local, state, and federal government works. Bush's hands were tied because he needed an executive order from the governor declaring an emergency and asking for help before he could step in. Upon asking her to declare the emergency, she said she needed 24 hours.
Oprah asks why, after sitting in a meeting with the mayor of New Orleans and the governor all bickering and pointing fingers and blaming one another, GW didn't basically say, "That's it, I'm taking over." Bush explains that, without the express permission of the governor, he was only allowed to send in unarmed troops. At the time he was hearing reports of rape, murder, and gunfire so he wasn't going to send in troops without the ability to defend themselves. Knowing now that many of those reports were exaggerated and untrue, he says had he known this then he would have sent them in.
The Racist Accusation
Oprah says that in the book, GW also writes that he didn't make the wrong decision, he simply didn't make the decision soon enough. He says he could have done a better job, but that what really irritated him was the accusation that he was stalling because he was a racist. Bush is visibly upset when Oprah recounts Kanye West's accusation that Bush didn't care about black people, and he says, "That really hurt." GW tells Oprah, "You can disagree with my politics but don't ever accuse me of being a racist."
Oprah asks if GW understands how him flying over and looking out the window at mostly poor Black people could lead to the perception that he is racist, and he says no. He can understand people thinking he just didn't care, but the accusation that it was because he was racist is absolutely disgusting and still gets him worked up to this day (and as he says this, he's very animated and his face is rather red). He says it's one thing to say, "He could have done a better job, but you don't call a man a racist." He says he feels his heart is confident on that matter.
Family Chat
Around the Bush family, GW is known as 43 and his father is known as 41 because they were the 43rd and 41st presidents, respectively. Oprah sits down at their family summer home, Walker's Point in Maine, where five generations of the Bush family have spent their summers. GW is with his mom and dad, and says that he simply adored his dad growing up. He loved his mom, too, but she was more of the enforcer so he liked to test her. He says he has his daddy's eyes and his mother's mouth, and Barbara jokes, "You should be so lucky." Father and son agree that spending time together in the Oval office after GW became president was incredibly powerful. GW says that his family loves each other and supports one another and that matters far more than political criticism from the outside.
Sarah Palin (and More Obama)
Oprah tells Bush, back in the studio, that his brother Jeb says he supports Sarah Palin's probable presidential candidacy in 2012. Oprah asks GW if he thinks Sarah Palin is "the one" for the Republican party. Bush says he's not a political pundit, and a lot will happen between now and the nomination. Oprah quips, "I'm not asking you to pundit, I'm just asking your opinion." GW quips right back, "You're asking me to wade back into the swamp!" Bush says he's keeping his opinions to himself and that's why he's not said anything about Obama, because the last thing people need is a former president out there opining about things. A current president's job is hard enough without everyone saying what he should be doing.
The Economy
Oprah talks about how Bush wrote the book intentionally so that we could be inside his head, seeing the decisions he had to make. He makes clear that he did not see the economic downturn coming. He did see the problems with the risky investments that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were making. He asked congress to reform it and they refused to. He jokes that it's important to keep that bit of history straight. Bush defends his decision to give taxpayer money to Wall Street, though it killed him to do so since he felt Wall Street caused the mess. He feels, however, that it was the right thing and that it stopped the country from going into an all out depression.
10 Years Ago
We see a clip of Oprah sitting down with GW 10 years ago, when he was last on her show in 2000 as a presidential hopeful. Oprah asks what Bush now would say to that man, and he says he'd tell himself that serving as president is a honor. He'd also tell him to never sell his soul for politics, to have a set of principles that are inviolable and to refuse compromise them for popularity's sake. Bush says he's grateful that he never did sell his soul in order to be popular. She asks if writing the book was difficult and he says that it kept him occupied. He jokes that many people didn't think he could read, let alone write. Oprah thanks him for his time and we're out.
Gospel Filter Review (GFR)
This was a great episode. It was really interesting for me to get insight into a president's mind. I can't imagine the pressure on a man who is considered to be one of the single greatest sources of influence on the entire world. It was also a poignant reminder, seeing how funny and relaxed and personable Bush is, that a president--or any incredibly famous person--is simply a person, just like us. Sure, few of us have ever even seen an estate like Walker's Point in person, let alone had the kind of family wealth to spend summers there. But George Walker Bush, regardless of public perception, regardless of how much of the criticism was "fair" or not, is a son, a husband, a father, and a child of God just like every other human being.
The biggest thing that I want to address is government and authority, and the Bible's teaching on both. The Bible tells us very, very clearly in Romans that we are to honor and respect governing authorities because God put them in that role. Here is that passage from Romans, italicized emphasis mine.
Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience. For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.
[Romans 13:1-7 ESV]Paul says emphatically that God is who we are honoring when we honor rulers in authority over us. We see in the Book of Daniel that we aren't supposed to sin against God by honoring a governor; in chapter 3 three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, refuse to bow down and worship a golden image that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up. They chose to disobey the king because they would be sinning against God if they obeyed his orders. Again, in chapter 6 with Daniel himself, he disobeyed a law from King Darius that he wasn't allowed to pray. Daniel needed to pray to and worship his God, and he wasn't going to obey a law that wouldn't allow him to do so.
In both cases, the men faced death. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were given the opportunity to stand before the king and deny God in order to save their lives, and they refused. Nubuchadnezzar was so into himself that he was outraged that they wouldn't worship him.
Nebuchadnezzar answered and said to them, “Is it true, O Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the golden image that I have set up? Now if you are ready when you hear the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, to fall down and worship the image that I have made, well and good. But if you do not worship, you shall immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace. And who is the god who will deliver you out of my hands?”
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”
[Daniel 3:14-18 ESV]They were thrown into a furnace, literally into a burning fire. The fire was so hot that the guards outside the furnace died when they threw the three men in, yet here is one of my favorite things in the Bible:
Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and rose up in haste. He declared to his counselors, “Did we not cast three men bound into the fire?” They answered and said to the king, “True, O king.” He answered and said, “But I see four men unbound, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods.”
Then Nebuchadnezzar came near to the door of the burning fiery furnace; he declared, “Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out, and come here!” Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego came out from the fire.
[Daniel 3:24-26 ESV]Guess who was walking around with the men? Jesus! For those who don't know, King Darius reluctantly had Daniel thrown into a den of starved lions overnight, and yet the next morning he was basically snuggling with them like giant kittens. God doesn't always save people from death when they choose to honor him--sometimes people suffer and die for choosing Jesus over the government. But in the case of these four men, he did. Regardless, the point is that we honor Jesus by honoring the government unless the government's demand is that we dishonor Jesus.
This includes respect. Whether you felt like life ended or began when our presidential administration transitioned to President Obama, both Bush and Obama were put in place by God. We need to honor and respect Jesus in how we honor our government. There are many politicians I do not like nor do I inherently respect the decisions they make nor how they present themselves. However, God has chosen to allow those people to be in places of influence and I agree with President Bush--it is not my place to opine about how they could do their jobs better. I can pray for them and I can show my opinion when I vote.
Full disclosure: generally speaking, I lean conservative. That said, I personally am equally disgusted with both Democrats and Republicans, and quite frankly, if my choice was between Obama and Sarah Palin, I would choose to not vote. I cannot in good conscience vote for someone with policies like Obama's, namely his policies on abortion. Though she is pro-life, there are many, many reasons I could never with good conscience vote for Sarah Palin. I tell you this not to air my opinion and attempt to sway yours, but because the truth is that these things are just what I said: a matter of conscience. I know and respect Christians who did and will vote for Obama, and others who love Jesus and do support Sarah Palin. My aim is not to tear down either of them, nor any other politician. They are where they are by the grace of God, whether I like it or not.
Additionally, regardless of whether someone knows and loves Jesus, politicians were created by God in His image and just as I would never speak ill of a close friend because the Bible tells me to abstain from gossip I shouldn't run my mouth and criticize politicians. Fame and position does not remove nor exempt Biblical commands about building people up, praying for our enemies, and letting our speech be seasoned with grace. Yes, we can disagree with policies. We can privately cringe when we hate the direction a president leads our country. We can love or hate a decision, such as the one's Bush spoke of today (war in Iraq, Katrina, etc). But it is absolutely a sin to rip apart a president with our tongues. It was a sin of people to rip apart Bush, it is a sin for people to rip apart Obama, and it's a sin for people to rip apart Sarah Palin. And that's hard because I don't like Sarah Palin, nor how she chooses to conduct herself, but that does not give me the right to make declarations about her character.
Again, the issue here is submission to authority, namely government. Ultimately, we worship God in how we respond to government. I hate the way much of our tax money is spent, but we worship Jesus by paying our taxes. I do not agree with some of Obama's decisions, nor did I agree with all of Bush's policies, but to attack their character is not godly nor worshipful. I'm disgusted when Christians who say they represent Jesus bash those in leadership roles instead of praying for them and seeking how they can best honor God in the midst of their displeasure. The way Bush was treated, and now the way many are treating President Obama, is wrong, and Romans tells us that those people are bringing judgment on themselves.
So, pray for rulers. Ask Jesus to help you worship Him by honoring them when they frustrate and aggravate you, turning to him with why you're really upset. Let's be honest--the reason we detest authority is deeper than their decisions. Often the decisions of leaders, particularly our government, threaten things that matter to us. I'm frustrated when my local government makes decisions to basically punish people who have cars because we need our car and we don't have a lot of money so the value judgment of leaders to take more of our money because we drive a car threatens my idol of security. I'm less angry with the actual decision or decision makers and more upset that my desire to protect "our money" is being threatened. It comes down to my trust in Jesus, whether or not I believe that He'll provide and take care of us regardless of how much money the government takes from us. I can rant and rave against the people who enact the policies, but ultimately it's a heart issue, a worshiping Jesus issue.
This is heavy stuff, but it's practical. The Bible is practical! Honor the government. Submit to them. That includes how we think and talk about our leaders. We don't have to like them, we don't have to like their policies, but we are accountable to God and He is in control anyway! So, I hope that people don't just soften to President Bush because they understand him better, understand his decisions better, but because hearts turn toward Jesus and worship Him by honoring their former president... and their current one.
Up Tomorrow
Talk Show Hosts Together For The First Time
Monday, November 8, 2010
Episode 41 - World Exclusive: Oprah Talks to Michael Jackson's Mother and Children
Full disclosure: I just finished the (very taxing) post from last Friday, with the 200 men coming forward about their sexual abuse. I am very interested, personally, in this episode since it's with Michael Jackson's mother and children (and we get a teaser that Oprah will talk to Joe, too; I've always wondered about his relationship with Michael in the later years, since Michael spoke up as an adult about the horrible beatings he endured from his father as a child). There's no way I'm skipping this one. That said, I'll probably be a bit more brief than normal and try to hit on real highlights and not quite as many details as I think are necessitated by other episodes.
Katherine Jackson
In 1949, Katherine married Joe Jackson just outside of Gary, IN. Money was tight as they raised 9--NINE!--children in a tiny four room house with one bathroom. But that changed when five of their sons became The Jackson 5. Forty years ago they put down new roots at Hayvenhurst, an estate in Encino, CA. Oprah tells Katherine that she hoped that she'd marry Jackie Jackson and that Katherine would be her mother in law.
Oprah asks what Katherine's dreams were for her children, and Katherine says she hoped for good citizens, good fathers. Katherine wrote a book called Never Can Say Goodbye, filled with personal stories about and pictures of Michael. She feels Michael was misunderstood, and Oprah asks what Katherine thinks about Michael now. Katherine gets choked up and reminisces about holding him in her arms as a baby, and it pierces my heart. I'm pregnant with my first child, a son, and I ache for March of next year, when I will get to hold him and meet him. It's a poignant reminder that Michael Jackson, the Michael Jackson, was once a tiny baby in his mother's womb, held in her arms, nurtured and raised by her.
Being Ugly
Oprah says that Michael wouldn't allow her to show pictures of himself as a teenager. He insisted that he was ugly, and Katherine says he constantly would tell her how ugly he was. One day he simply went to get his nose done, because it was too big and it made him ugly. He didn't really let his mother come because he knew she'd try to stop him. Oprah gently transitions to asking about other operations, whether Katherine could have or tried to stop him, and Katherine says he only had additional procedures on his nose, with the exception of the vitiligo (the skin disorder where his naturally dark skin began looking "bleached" in spots where the melanin would wash out).
She says that under his clothes his skin was spotted, but he did lighten his arms and face, the parts that showed, so that he would look the same all over. Oprah says Michael told her he had two operations on his nose; Katherine says he had more than that, but that he was embarrassed and so he lied. Oprah reiterates the question, did Katherine feel like she could say, "Michael, enough." Katherine says yes, and that she did, but that Michael became addicted to the cosmetic surgery and did it anyway. Katherine even told the plastic surgeon to pretend to do work on Michael's nose when he would come in, not actually changing anything, but he didn't listen to her.
Lisa Marie
Katherine says that Michael's marrying Lisa Marie was a surprise, that she'd never met Lisa Marie, but that she believed he really did love her. Lisa Marie told Oprah that Michael loved his mother unconditionally and there's nothing he wouldn't have done for her. Katherine says yes, and she knew that, too.
June 25, 2009
Oprah asks about the day Michael died, and Katherine says it was the worst day of her life. Oprah asks how she found out, and is shocked when Katherine says that she had done field service that morning. Field service is when Jehovah's Witnesses go door to door to share about their beliefs; Oprah's shock is that Katherine still does so. Presumably the shock is that someone of her stature and wealth, and possibly age, would be involved in door to door proselytizing. Katherine received a call that someone had been taken from Michael's house, with their whole body covered, to the hospital. She was praying, but at that point they would only tell her to come because Michael was in the hospital. They didn't want to tell her he was dead until she got there.
Oprah asked who told her, and it was Dr. Conrad Murray, the man currently facing trial after pleading not guilty to manslaughter for providing Michael with drugs, who broke the news. Katherine apologizes for crying, and Oprah says she is sorry and touches Katherine to console her. Katherine says the children were there, and Paris just kept saying, "Daddy I can't make it without you. I want to go with you." Katherine was afraid that Paris would pass out, she was crying so hard. I can't imagine living through such horrible moments.
The Drug Use
Oprah mentions that the death was prescription overdose, and so Oprah asks Katherine if she was aware of Michael's addiction. Katherine says she learned of his painkiller addiction, as a result of burns when he was shooting a Pepsi ad, a long time after it began. She had known about that but not for a long time, and didn't know about the Propofol addiction (Propofol is part of the drug cocktail that killed him; this article explains why it's so horrible that he was addicted to it; the article was printed before the final autopsy that attributed his death to a prescription overdose, Propofol among the drugs). Katherine says she knew of the other children's intent to do an intervention, to try and get Michael into rehab, and Oprah asks if Katherine ever spoke to Michael about drug use. Katherine told Michael that she never wanted to hear that he had overdosed, that it will kill her too, but he lied and denied; he just kept repeating, "My own mother don't believe me."
Child Abuse Allegations
Katherine was in the courtroom every single day of Michael's 5 month trial in 2005. Katherine says she was so grateful that the jury believed the truth. She seems angry when she says that Michael loved children, and it was basically greed that caused other people to prey on his love of children with lies and false allegations. Oprah asks about the odd behavior, such as Michael showing up in pajamas, and Katherine says it's because he had fallen and was in the hospital and the judge threatened to keep all $3 million of Michael's bail money unless he came in, so Michael went straight from the hospital, in his pajamas, to the court house. Oprah asks if the trial changed him, and Katherine says that Michael used to trust everyone, perhaps too much, and after the trial he didn't trust anyone except his mother.
Dr. Conrad Murray
After a break, Oprah asks what Katherine would say to Dr. Conrad Murray. Katherine says she wants to know why he didn't take care of her child, why he left the room (you can read the alleged circumstances surrounding Michael's death on this wikipedia page), and why he gave the drugs to Michael. Oprah asks if Katherine murdered Michael; she says she doesn't want to say, because she can't say whether it was intentional or unintentional and that she has her thoughts but simply can't say.
Time & The Children
Oprah asks if time heals all wounds, and Katherine says no. Some days things are better, but then other days it feels like it just happened and she still can't talk about him without getting choked up. Oprah asks about the children, if Katherine approved of decisions such as having the children wear veils in public. Katherine says she didn't approve, because she knew how the public would perceive such a move, but it was actually Debbie Rowe, the children's biological mother, who had the idea and not Michael. The children, who went from normal grandma visits, were moved into Katherine's home the night Michael died. Oprah asks how that was, and Katherine says the worst moment was when, after Michael died, the hospital told the family they were free to go and Paris said, "Grandma, where are we [meaning her and her two brothers] going?"
The Children In Public
Though Michael homeschooled the children, Katherine felt it best, upon the children wanting to, to allow them to go to school. The oldest two, Prince and Paris, are now in school and the youngest, Blanket, is beginning to show interest. Katherine says he's very shy and not quite ready yet. Oprah inquires whether Katherine thinks it's good for the children to be allowed to be seen by the public, and Katherine says it's much healthier for them.
Oprah asks whether Katherine feels that Michael is still here with her, and Katherine says that she has her memories and that's the one thing no one can take away.
Joe Jackson
Oprah goes out to the backyard, and is sitting with Katherine and Joe. Oprah says she's surprised to see Joe, because the world thinks they're divorced. They say no. Oprah asks if Joe thinks Michael was afraid of him, and Joe says that he thinks Michael was afraid he'd do something wrong and Joe would chastise him. Joe insists that he "never beat Michael like the media tried to say"; I have to say that the look on Oprah's face at this point, though she's trying to keep it passive, sure doesn't look like she believes him. Ok, and my gut was right because Oprah follows this statement up with telling Joe that Michael himself told her, in a 1993 interview, that his father beat him. Joe changes his tone to say that he's glad Michael was raised in such a way that he was so well liked all over the world, that he could have been raised in such a way that he'd be dead from doing drugs or in jail like so many other people's kids.
[Is it too ironic to point out here that his kid is dead from doing drugs? Regardless of your view on spanking, it wouldn't seem that Joe's methods turned out much better for Michael if you use Joe's logic. I'm not saying I am using that logic, but Joe is, and it's both aggravating and sad to see him refuse to take responsibility for beating his young children.]
Joe: Beating The Children
Oprah gets frank, and says that she was beaten as a child because that was the culture. She asks Joe if that was the way he raised his children. Joe replies, "Beat or whipping?" To which Katherine says, "Same thing," and Oprah says, "It's the same thing when you have welts on your back!" Oprah points out that Joe is taking issue with the word "beat", and Joe is continually dodgy and so Oprah asks how he would describe it. Katherine says, "You might as well admit it. That's the way Black people raise their children." Joe remains silent, but Katherine says that Joe used a strap on the children.
Oprah asks Joe if he'd do anything differently, and he crosses his arms (very defensive posture) and says that he would use a strap if his children did something wrong, and reiterates that this is how he raised them and as a result his kids have never been in jail, that of nine kids, none have been in jail. Oprah asks if he regrets the strapping, and Joe says no, because his kids turned out well.
The Kids
Oprah meets the kids, including Michael's three, and a bunch of their cousins. We learn that Prince wants to direct and produce movies and Paris wants to be an actress. She plans to study and take it seriously, and says that she used to do improv with her dad. We find that all of the children are interested in show business, and they tell Oprah they grew up watching the tapes of their fathers / uncles as The Jackson 5.
Talking to Paris about school, Oprah asks what it's like when people learn about who they are, and Paris says it's great to be accepted for who she is. Oprah asks if Prince and Paris remember when they literally would go out in veils, and Prince says they knew why they were wearing the mask: so that when they went out without their dad, no one would know who they were. Paris says he tried to raise them to not know who he was, but it didn't really go so well. Oprah asks if they liked being behind the mask, and Paris says it wasn't always comfortable but she knew it was to protect her.
Oprah tells Paris that we all remember Paris speaking at the funeral, and that we were all very moved by it. She asks what her favorite memory of her father is, and Paris replies that it's very hard for her to try to have just one. Prince says his favorite was waking up early in the morning and walking the beach with his dad, and Paris says it was getting quality time with just her and her dad, without her two brothers there. Paris remembers one night when she and her dad sat on the roof of their home in Las Vegas, seeing the city lights, drinking soda and eating Snickers bars.
Oprah asks if their dad was strict, or if they could get away with anything, and Blanket pipes up, "He could get away with anything!" Michael would get away with things, but the kids couldn't get away with things. Paris recounts doing things from going to the art museum to playing tag to him getting the dog for them. Paris says her dad was the best cook ever, and Oprah's shock doesn't surprise Paris. She reiterates that he was just a really great dad, that he cooked breakfast for them a lot. Oprah asks what she misses the most, and Paris gets very, very somber and says, "Everything."
Oprah thanks the children for their time and the show ends.
Gospel Filter Review (GFR)
I wrote about Michael in the Lisa Marie Presley episode, which can be read about at that link. I have to be honest--my brain is just utter mush at this point. The only thing that I can't stop thinking about was the attitude of Joe Jackson that his use of physical discipline, which was described by Michael as being quite harsh, means his kids are ok because none of them went to jail. That's just wrong, and I'm sad for his heart that won't admit it was wrong and for his children who don't have a repentant father. There are many Christians who believe that spanking can be done in a Biblical and loving way; you can do your own internet research and / or read this book. Regardless of one's beliefs about what the Bible means when it says to use the rod on children, the accounts of how Joe beat his children was not Biblical.
One other thing that stands out is that many may wonder if Jehovah's Witnesses are considered to be Biblical Christians. Simply put, they are not. You can read a great outline of why not here; other questions stretching across a variety of topics regarding Jehovah's Witnesses and their beliefs can be found here. Basically, though, Jehovah's Witnesses do not believe that Jesus Christ is God and therefore they are not considered Christians. This puts them in the category of a pagan religion that is demonic and needs Jesus. I've written about false religions before and you can read those posts here.
Finally, I am saddened at the tragic loss for the entire Jackson family: son, father, brother, uncle. It's heartbreaking and I am saddened at the way our culture has cultivated the environment for men like Michael Jackson to live in such a way that they feel in need of drugs like he used. There was a GREAT sermon about this yesterday, but it won't be live on the website for a week. I'll try to remember to come back and post it, but basically the message is that Jesus tells us not to be anxious, to fear not, and he equips us to live trusting him. I'll post it when it's live but for tonight this sister is too tired to string together even the tiniest resemblance of a coherent thought.
Up Tomorrow
Katherine Jackson
In 1949, Katherine married Joe Jackson just outside of Gary, IN. Money was tight as they raised 9--NINE!--children in a tiny four room house with one bathroom. But that changed when five of their sons became The Jackson 5. Forty years ago they put down new roots at Hayvenhurst, an estate in Encino, CA. Oprah tells Katherine that she hoped that she'd marry Jackie Jackson and that Katherine would be her mother in law.
Oprah asks what Katherine's dreams were for her children, and Katherine says she hoped for good citizens, good fathers. Katherine wrote a book called Never Can Say Goodbye, filled with personal stories about and pictures of Michael. She feels Michael was misunderstood, and Oprah asks what Katherine thinks about Michael now. Katherine gets choked up and reminisces about holding him in her arms as a baby, and it pierces my heart. I'm pregnant with my first child, a son, and I ache for March of next year, when I will get to hold him and meet him. It's a poignant reminder that Michael Jackson, the Michael Jackson, was once a tiny baby in his mother's womb, held in her arms, nurtured and raised by her.
Being Ugly
Oprah says that Michael wouldn't allow her to show pictures of himself as a teenager. He insisted that he was ugly, and Katherine says he constantly would tell her how ugly he was. One day he simply went to get his nose done, because it was too big and it made him ugly. He didn't really let his mother come because he knew she'd try to stop him. Oprah gently transitions to asking about other operations, whether Katherine could have or tried to stop him, and Katherine says he only had additional procedures on his nose, with the exception of the vitiligo (the skin disorder where his naturally dark skin began looking "bleached" in spots where the melanin would wash out).
She says that under his clothes his skin was spotted, but he did lighten his arms and face, the parts that showed, so that he would look the same all over. Oprah says Michael told her he had two operations on his nose; Katherine says he had more than that, but that he was embarrassed and so he lied. Oprah reiterates the question, did Katherine feel like she could say, "Michael, enough." Katherine says yes, and that she did, but that Michael became addicted to the cosmetic surgery and did it anyway. Katherine even told the plastic surgeon to pretend to do work on Michael's nose when he would come in, not actually changing anything, but he didn't listen to her.
Lisa Marie
Katherine says that Michael's marrying Lisa Marie was a surprise, that she'd never met Lisa Marie, but that she believed he really did love her. Lisa Marie told Oprah that Michael loved his mother unconditionally and there's nothing he wouldn't have done for her. Katherine says yes, and she knew that, too.
June 25, 2009
Oprah asks about the day Michael died, and Katherine says it was the worst day of her life. Oprah asks how she found out, and is shocked when Katherine says that she had done field service that morning. Field service is when Jehovah's Witnesses go door to door to share about their beliefs; Oprah's shock is that Katherine still does so. Presumably the shock is that someone of her stature and wealth, and possibly age, would be involved in door to door proselytizing. Katherine received a call that someone had been taken from Michael's house, with their whole body covered, to the hospital. She was praying, but at that point they would only tell her to come because Michael was in the hospital. They didn't want to tell her he was dead until she got there.
Oprah asked who told her, and it was Dr. Conrad Murray, the man currently facing trial after pleading not guilty to manslaughter for providing Michael with drugs, who broke the news. Katherine apologizes for crying, and Oprah says she is sorry and touches Katherine to console her. Katherine says the children were there, and Paris just kept saying, "Daddy I can't make it without you. I want to go with you." Katherine was afraid that Paris would pass out, she was crying so hard. I can't imagine living through such horrible moments.
The Drug Use
Oprah mentions that the death was prescription overdose, and so Oprah asks Katherine if she was aware of Michael's addiction. Katherine says she learned of his painkiller addiction, as a result of burns when he was shooting a Pepsi ad, a long time after it began. She had known about that but not for a long time, and didn't know about the Propofol addiction (Propofol is part of the drug cocktail that killed him; this article explains why it's so horrible that he was addicted to it; the article was printed before the final autopsy that attributed his death to a prescription overdose, Propofol among the drugs). Katherine says she knew of the other children's intent to do an intervention, to try and get Michael into rehab, and Oprah asks if Katherine ever spoke to Michael about drug use. Katherine told Michael that she never wanted to hear that he had overdosed, that it will kill her too, but he lied and denied; he just kept repeating, "My own mother don't believe me."
Child Abuse Allegations
Katherine was in the courtroom every single day of Michael's 5 month trial in 2005. Katherine says she was so grateful that the jury believed the truth. She seems angry when she says that Michael loved children, and it was basically greed that caused other people to prey on his love of children with lies and false allegations. Oprah asks about the odd behavior, such as Michael showing up in pajamas, and Katherine says it's because he had fallen and was in the hospital and the judge threatened to keep all $3 million of Michael's bail money unless he came in, so Michael went straight from the hospital, in his pajamas, to the court house. Oprah asks if the trial changed him, and Katherine says that Michael used to trust everyone, perhaps too much, and after the trial he didn't trust anyone except his mother.
Dr. Conrad Murray
After a break, Oprah asks what Katherine would say to Dr. Conrad Murray. Katherine says she wants to know why he didn't take care of her child, why he left the room (you can read the alleged circumstances surrounding Michael's death on this wikipedia page), and why he gave the drugs to Michael. Oprah asks if Katherine murdered Michael; she says she doesn't want to say, because she can't say whether it was intentional or unintentional and that she has her thoughts but simply can't say.
Time & The Children
Oprah asks if time heals all wounds, and Katherine says no. Some days things are better, but then other days it feels like it just happened and she still can't talk about him without getting choked up. Oprah asks about the children, if Katherine approved of decisions such as having the children wear veils in public. Katherine says she didn't approve, because she knew how the public would perceive such a move, but it was actually Debbie Rowe, the children's biological mother, who had the idea and not Michael. The children, who went from normal grandma visits, were moved into Katherine's home the night Michael died. Oprah asks how that was, and Katherine says the worst moment was when, after Michael died, the hospital told the family they were free to go and Paris said, "Grandma, where are we [meaning her and her two brothers] going?"
The Children In Public
Though Michael homeschooled the children, Katherine felt it best, upon the children wanting to, to allow them to go to school. The oldest two, Prince and Paris, are now in school and the youngest, Blanket, is beginning to show interest. Katherine says he's very shy and not quite ready yet. Oprah inquires whether Katherine thinks it's good for the children to be allowed to be seen by the public, and Katherine says it's much healthier for them.
Oprah asks whether Katherine feels that Michael is still here with her, and Katherine says that she has her memories and that's the one thing no one can take away.
Joe Jackson
Oprah goes out to the backyard, and is sitting with Katherine and Joe. Oprah says she's surprised to see Joe, because the world thinks they're divorced. They say no. Oprah asks if Joe thinks Michael was afraid of him, and Joe says that he thinks Michael was afraid he'd do something wrong and Joe would chastise him. Joe insists that he "never beat Michael like the media tried to say"; I have to say that the look on Oprah's face at this point, though she's trying to keep it passive, sure doesn't look like she believes him. Ok, and my gut was right because Oprah follows this statement up with telling Joe that Michael himself told her, in a 1993 interview, that his father beat him. Joe changes his tone to say that he's glad Michael was raised in such a way that he was so well liked all over the world, that he could have been raised in such a way that he'd be dead from doing drugs or in jail like so many other people's kids.
[Is it too ironic to point out here that his kid is dead from doing drugs? Regardless of your view on spanking, it wouldn't seem that Joe's methods turned out much better for Michael if you use Joe's logic. I'm not saying I am using that logic, but Joe is, and it's both aggravating and sad to see him refuse to take responsibility for beating his young children.]
Joe: Beating The Children
Oprah gets frank, and says that she was beaten as a child because that was the culture. She asks Joe if that was the way he raised his children. Joe replies, "Beat or whipping?" To which Katherine says, "Same thing," and Oprah says, "It's the same thing when you have welts on your back!" Oprah points out that Joe is taking issue with the word "beat", and Joe is continually dodgy and so Oprah asks how he would describe it. Katherine says, "You might as well admit it. That's the way Black people raise their children." Joe remains silent, but Katherine says that Joe used a strap on the children.
Oprah asks Joe if he'd do anything differently, and he crosses his arms (very defensive posture) and says that he would use a strap if his children did something wrong, and reiterates that this is how he raised them and as a result his kids have never been in jail, that of nine kids, none have been in jail. Oprah asks if he regrets the strapping, and Joe says no, because his kids turned out well.
The Kids
Oprah meets the kids, including Michael's three, and a bunch of their cousins. We learn that Prince wants to direct and produce movies and Paris wants to be an actress. She plans to study and take it seriously, and says that she used to do improv with her dad. We find that all of the children are interested in show business, and they tell Oprah they grew up watching the tapes of their fathers / uncles as The Jackson 5.
Talking to Paris about school, Oprah asks what it's like when people learn about who they are, and Paris says it's great to be accepted for who she is. Oprah asks if Prince and Paris remember when they literally would go out in veils, and Prince says they knew why they were wearing the mask: so that when they went out without their dad, no one would know who they were. Paris says he tried to raise them to not know who he was, but it didn't really go so well. Oprah asks if they liked being behind the mask, and Paris says it wasn't always comfortable but she knew it was to protect her.
Oprah tells Paris that we all remember Paris speaking at the funeral, and that we were all very moved by it. She asks what her favorite memory of her father is, and Paris replies that it's very hard for her to try to have just one. Prince says his favorite was waking up early in the morning and walking the beach with his dad, and Paris says it was getting quality time with just her and her dad, without her two brothers there. Paris remembers one night when she and her dad sat on the roof of their home in Las Vegas, seeing the city lights, drinking soda and eating Snickers bars.
Oprah asks if their dad was strict, or if they could get away with anything, and Blanket pipes up, "He could get away with anything!" Michael would get away with things, but the kids couldn't get away with things. Paris recounts doing things from going to the art museum to playing tag to him getting the dog for them. Paris says her dad was the best cook ever, and Oprah's shock doesn't surprise Paris. She reiterates that he was just a really great dad, that he cooked breakfast for them a lot. Oprah asks what she misses the most, and Paris gets very, very somber and says, "Everything."
Oprah thanks the children for their time and the show ends.
Gospel Filter Review (GFR)
I wrote about Michael in the Lisa Marie Presley episode, which can be read about at that link. I have to be honest--my brain is just utter mush at this point. The only thing that I can't stop thinking about was the attitude of Joe Jackson that his use of physical discipline, which was described by Michael as being quite harsh, means his kids are ok because none of them went to jail. That's just wrong, and I'm sad for his heart that won't admit it was wrong and for his children who don't have a repentant father. There are many Christians who believe that spanking can be done in a Biblical and loving way; you can do your own internet research and / or read this book. Regardless of one's beliefs about what the Bible means when it says to use the rod on children, the accounts of how Joe beat his children was not Biblical.
One other thing that stands out is that many may wonder if Jehovah's Witnesses are considered to be Biblical Christians. Simply put, they are not. You can read a great outline of why not here; other questions stretching across a variety of topics regarding Jehovah's Witnesses and their beliefs can be found here. Basically, though, Jehovah's Witnesses do not believe that Jesus Christ is God and therefore they are not considered Christians. This puts them in the category of a pagan religion that is demonic and needs Jesus. I've written about false religions before and you can read those posts here.
Finally, I am saddened at the tragic loss for the entire Jackson family: son, father, brother, uncle. It's heartbreaking and I am saddened at the way our culture has cultivated the environment for men like Michael Jackson to live in such a way that they feel in need of drugs like he used. There was a GREAT sermon about this yesterday, but it won't be live on the website for a week. I'll try to remember to come back and post it, but basically the message is that Jesus tells us not to be anxious, to fear not, and he equips us to live trusting him. I'll post it when it's live but for tonight this sister is too tired to string together even the tiniest resemblance of a coherent thought.
Up Tomorrow
Former President Bush on His Most Difficult Decisions
Episode 40 - A 2-Day Oprah Show Event: 200 Men Who Were Molested Come Forward Part I
200 Men Who Were Sexually Abused
Oprah begins by saying that all 200 men in her studio audience are holding a picture of when they say they were first sexually abused. She's silent, and the camera pans over the men's faces and their pictures. The silence is devastating. Already I am crying and know this will be an incredibly difficult episode for me. I'm praying for Jesus' grace and wisdom, that I would discern His truth, reflect His heart toward these men, and that Jesus would get the glory in my covering this episode.
Oprah says these men are standing together to lift veil of shame and discuss how their abuse has changed their lives. Statistically, the estimates are that 1 in every 6 men are abused, and 90% of abusers target someone they know. In a montage, we learn that the men are from all walks of life, the age when their abuse began spans from very young to their teens, and that they were abused by men from various walks of life as well.
Tyler Perry
Tyler Perry, who spoke about his abuse last week (you can read about that episode here), is back on the show. After a recap of that episode, Oprah asks Tyler how he's feeling since then; he replies that he feels a lot lighter. Oprah says that their hope and prayer--she says they prayed before coming out to do the show--is that the men would be encouraged to talk because every time you talk it releases the shame a little more.
Learning Details
Oprah says that both she and Tyler were abused by multiple people and asks for the men to, by show of hands, tell if they were abused by multiple people. Many hands--I estimate at least a quarter, possibly more than a third, so 50-75--are immediately raised. Oprah tells us that backstage, women who love these men--primarily wives, mothers, partners, etc--are watching and learning about the details of their loved one's story for the first time. As we go to break, some of the men, in pre-recorded clips, say exactly what happened to them. From rape to being urinated on (one man, as a young boy, was forced to allow his perpetrator to urinate in his mouth), the details are graphic, dark, and devastating.
Grooming
After the break, we see more clips, this time with men talking about grooming; you can read more about grooming in Daniel's story in this post. Grooming is a process in which the abuser earns the trust of the child and manipulates them so that when the abuse begins, and as it escalates, the child will not speak up to anyone. Various methods, many overlapping, include making the child feel like it's his fault or that somehow he wants it, threatening the child, and, in particular a devastating method for boys, is using their body's physiological response to convince them that they not only like it (and for some boys it does feel good) but that they want it.
Patrick & Kevin
Identical twins thought that Catholic school would be a safe place. The twins were altar boys and in third grade, age eight, a priest pulled them out of class 5-7 times a week to torture and abuse them. Eventually the priest forced them to choose--he could abuse them, or they could abuse each other. They would choose each other to protect one another from the priest. But then it became worse--over the 13 years, other priests joined in, binding the boys and gang raping them.
The two men are now in the studio sitting down with Oprah and the audience gives them a standing ovation. Oprah explains that they are standing together with them because they have lived through that pain and shame, and understand the horror. Oprah says her hope from this show is that it will release the guilt, that it's absolutely not their fault, that it's always the abuser's fault.
After a break the twins tells us that the priest offered them money, and they used that money for drugs. They became addicted to the drugs, which made them dependent up on the priest. They say it finally stopped, years later (they would have been 22 when it stopped if it began at age 8 and went on for 13 years) because their father suspected something wasn't right and so he began taping phone conversations. He was the one who found out and was able to put an end to it.
Abuse Changes You
Oprah asks if the twins feel changed, and they say absolutely. She spoke with men who are abusers, and one said that every time he abused the little girl he was hurting it was like "little murders", meaning that he knew he was profoundly altering who this little girl was and would become. The twins say that this is true, that every day they cry inside wondering who could have been, who they might be now had the abuse never happened. The potential to be someone else was taken from them, and one brother says he doesn't trust people and is a very bitter man. Tyler Perry reiterates that he, too, for many years was a bitter man.
Take The Power Back
Tyler says the only way to change away from being a bitter man is to get your power back by forgiving. He says it's a process, but you must do it. Oprah clarifies that forgiveness does not in any way mean saying that what happened was ok. Instead, she says, "Forgiveness means I am not going to let you continue to hold the reigns over my life." She says a beautiful definition of forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different; it's accepting the past for what it was and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward. This garners applause from all of the men.
Chad
When he was 7, Chad's father began abusing him. He says that it seemed like it would happen as soon as his mother would leave the house, and it was the only time his father gave him any attention. It started with his father making him touch the older man's genitals, escalating to oral sex. His father once tried to sodomize him but it didn't work, so he would kiss him and force him to continue the oral sex. It continued for 7 years, happening up to 4 times a week. The disgust in his voice as he recalls the feeling of his father's facial hair when he could kiss him is visceral and literally makes me want to vomit because of my own memories of abuse at the hands of my biological father. He says it was difficult for him, as it is for many men, because it felt good to his body and it caused him to question his sexuality. He finally told his mom at age 17, but no one in his family believed him.
In the studio, Chad recounts to Oprah confronting his father about 6 months ago. He told his father he was there to talk about what had happened; the father at first refused to talk to him but he threatened to yell it through the neighborhood so his father finally sat down. He says he expressed how it's affected him because he doesn't trust; he struggles with feeling good enough, worthy of being loved. Oprah says that it's healthy adn normal for him to feel a certain sense of shame, that his father was disrespecting him as a human and as his son, so of course he would take that in and have issues.
Oprah inquires about where his mother was when this was happening; Chad says that she was once in the bed sleeping right next to them (the whole family was sharing a bed at a hotel en route home from vacation, so his sister was there, asleep, as well) as it was happening. Oprah asks if Chad thinks his mother knew, and he says he sometimes thinks she must have had an inclination. His behavior changed drastically; at 13, 14 he began drinking and doing drugs. When he spoke up at 17, he was drunk and so his mother and sister thought he was just trying to break up the family.
After a break, Oprah tells us that her producers spoke to Chad's father. He admitted to molesting Chad and at one point was going to come on the show but changed his mind. The decision was made (not because of Chad's father) that the show was going to go the direction of being for the abused, for them to free themselves, and not to be in any way about the molesters speaking out. Oprah asks if the fact that his father admits what he did means that his father understands what he did, and Chad says no, he doesn't. Also painful is the fact that his mother remains married to and with his mother.
Oprah asks Chad about his children, if they know his father. He says that they have been around his father but don't hug or touch him and are never alone with him. Sometimes they are alone with his mother but never his father, and Oprah asks him how he could ever trust his mother to do right by his children if she didn't do right by him. He doesn't have the chance to respond, and she asks him if he's angry. He says he is still angry, he just takes it out on the wrong people. Oprah tells him that she hopes today is a start for healing and we go to break.
The Shame
After a break, some of the men in clips talk about how the shame owned them. One man says that it became a part of him, that he was part of the darkness. Another says that a horrible crime was committed against him when he was under ten years old and the crime against him shouldn't cause him to feel ashamed.
In the studio Oprah introduces Dr. Howard Fradkin ; he specializes in working with male victims of sexual abuse and assault. He has worked with over 1,000 men. The men applaud him, but I'm just so sad that there have been 1,000 men for him to work with, plus the 200 men in room. Oprah asks how it is that we don't know about this, and one man says that from the instant he was abused he felt complicit and that it was his fault. Oprah bluntly asks if there is a connection between male physiology, the tendency in most boys for their penis to become erect when being abused, and the idea amongst men that they're not only complicit, but enjoying the abuse and that it's their fault.
The doctor says that little boys want attention and so perpetrators pick them out. Oprah wants the men to know that it is not their fault. The mind of the molester is looking for the child who is most vulnerable and so the one who is abused has absolutely no fault in the abuse. Oprah says many want to know why people go back, and the perpetrator tells so many lies--they say they'll never do the bad stuff again. They say this is nurturing you, good for you, because they love you. Tyler Perry points out that so many of those little boys don't know what love is, which sets them up to believe the false love offered by their perpetrator.
Closing Thoughts
Oprah tells us that next Friday, in part 2 of 2 of this episode, we'll hear from the women who have been watching. Additionally, Dr. Fradkin will help walk through some of the effects of the abuse, and they'll begin to deal with what after effects--what comes after speaking up, and how to prepare for the possible reactions.
Gospel Filter Review (GFR)
I have written extensively on sexual abuse, so it's definitely best to refer back to those. The original Tyler Perry episode is a great resource in particular. Additionally, I'm so glad that there was an aspect of forgiveness that Oprah totally got right--forgiveness is NOT saying that what someone has done to you when they sin against you is ok. She's still missing the biggest piece, though, which is that forgiveness is only something we can give someone else through what Jesus has done for us, so read these posts; this one is the best resource for what true forgiveness is; read the GFR under the Terry McMillan segment.
Today, the biggest thing that stands out to me is redeeming the notion of shame to a Biblical one. Oprah was right when she says that when a person sexually abuses you they are leveling a disrespect toward you that absolutely can cause you to take ownership of the shame of that horrible crime. However, to simply say, "It's not your fault," doesn't cleanse you. I've shared pieces of my story before on this blog, and the sexual abuse I endured was always clearly not my fault. As soon as I knew it was wrong I was told in the same breath that it wasn't my fault. And it's true--an infant cannot bring sexual abuse on themselves. Neither can an older child; that said, the point is that I knew there was no way I did anything to deserve what had happened to me.
Yet knowing I wasn't culpable did not fix me. Even when I was older and knew that the abuse was wrong, even in one instance where a different man was so desperate to get a glimpse of my naked lower half around age 8 that I finally relented, but forced him to give me money just to see me for those literal two seconds, it was no different. Whether I did nothing or manipulated the situation to my advantage, as is the case with the incident, I felt the same driving desire to escape that anything had ever happened at all. The effects of abuse manifest differently in people; some go the route of wallowing in the shame and becoming self-destructive. Another common path is to deny anything "bad" ever happened and to go to the extreme of trying to be perfect and successful. I was the latter sort, yet deep down I experienced just as much shame and desire to cleanse the filth attached to me as someone who turns to substance abuse and promiscuity.
So, then, what is shame? Shame affects who you are. It tells you that your worth and value are intrinsically linked to either something horrible you have done or something horrible that was done to you. Our desire to be cleansed leads us many directions, but ultimately we are powerless to wipe the shame off of ourselves. In his book Redemption: Freed By Jesus From The Idols We Worship And The Wounds We Carry, Pastor Mike Wilkerson writes (italicized emphases his; bold emphases mine):
[Mike Wilkerson is a pastor at my church, Mars Hill Church in Seattle. His book is only available for pre-order until it comes out in January, but it's the source material we use in Redemption Groups, a ministry in which I am a leader, which is how I am quoting it.]
Great stuff, right? It hits on the truth--we cannot save ourselves. We cannot cleanse ourselves. The only true cleansing, the only real redemption, comes when we belong to Jesus Christ and He not only forgives us for our sin against Him, against a good, holy, and perfect God, but He also cleanses us of the sin perpetrated against us. Nothing else works. Believe me, I have tried. I tried to "take the power back", to quote Tyler Perry, by finding the goodness in my own heart to forgive my abusers, to be the bigger and better person. It never worked. The shame lingered, taunted me, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself it was done. The doubts that maybe somehow I did deserve what happened, or believing the lie that God caused the abuse to happen to me so I could be strong and then that would make him look good, still ate away at me, corrupting my very soul. For me, it was evident in the over 200 extra pounds that I packed onto my body. I could tell everyone I had it all together, but one look at me screamed otherwise.
Another great point is that it does us no good to torture ourselves with that might have been, how "normal" we might have turned out. For one, it did happen. There is no undoing the abuse. It's absurd to think we can, and yet fantasizing about how we could be so different if it never had happened still taunts us as some alternate reality. It's a lie of the enemy, Satan, the devil, to keep us living in shame and in the past. Again, only Jesus cleanses, redeems, restores, and not just allows us to move forward but helps us have a right perspective on the past, one that includes seeking Him to forgive those who sinned against us, but that also doesn't expect us to "let go" or "get over" anything. Jesus doesn't force us to skip past the grief, slap on a smile, and say, "All better now. Jesus fixed me." He patiently, lovingly walks with us, grieves with us, feels the anger and sorrow and betrayal with us. He doesn't add to our shame by making us feel bad that we feel bad. Again, that's a tactic of Satan, not Jesus.
Lastly, I want to recommend a book to anyone who has either been abused, knows someone who has been abused (perhaps a spouse or close friend), or just wants to be better equipped to lovingly walk through abuse survivors. I haven't read this book yet, but I am friends with this couple and they love Jesus, know their Bible, and, most importantly, love others with Jesus' love. Their desire to see people who have been sexually abused set free is one that I think is only surpassed by Jesus' own heart.
The book is called Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault by Pastor Justin Holcomb and his wife, Lindsey Holcomb; again, they are personal friends, Justin is also a pastor at my church. They spend much time ministering to hurting people, and they don't even know I am plugging their book. Buy it anyway. In fact, I just pre-ordered it so that when it comes out and the next time I recommend it I have actually read it!
Finally, I want to end with this verse. I think nothing better expresses a heart freed from shame; additionally, no other verse makes it more clear that this is not something we do or earn, but is completely God's grace to us because He loves us. My prayer is that every single one of those 200 men would pray this verse back to Jesus as worship, with hearts that are in love with Him and truly free from their bondage:
Up Monday
World Exclusive: Oprah Talks to Michael Jackson's Mother and Children
Oprah begins by saying that all 200 men in her studio audience are holding a picture of when they say they were first sexually abused. She's silent, and the camera pans over the men's faces and their pictures. The silence is devastating. Already I am crying and know this will be an incredibly difficult episode for me. I'm praying for Jesus' grace and wisdom, that I would discern His truth, reflect His heart toward these men, and that Jesus would get the glory in my covering this episode.
Oprah says these men are standing together to lift veil of shame and discuss how their abuse has changed their lives. Statistically, the estimates are that 1 in every 6 men are abused, and 90% of abusers target someone they know. In a montage, we learn that the men are from all walks of life, the age when their abuse began spans from very young to their teens, and that they were abused by men from various walks of life as well.
Tyler Perry
Tyler Perry, who spoke about his abuse last week (you can read about that episode here), is back on the show. After a recap of that episode, Oprah asks Tyler how he's feeling since then; he replies that he feels a lot lighter. Oprah says that their hope and prayer--she says they prayed before coming out to do the show--is that the men would be encouraged to talk because every time you talk it releases the shame a little more.
Learning Details
Oprah says that both she and Tyler were abused by multiple people and asks for the men to, by show of hands, tell if they were abused by multiple people. Many hands--I estimate at least a quarter, possibly more than a third, so 50-75--are immediately raised. Oprah tells us that backstage, women who love these men--primarily wives, mothers, partners, etc--are watching and learning about the details of their loved one's story for the first time. As we go to break, some of the men, in pre-recorded clips, say exactly what happened to them. From rape to being urinated on (one man, as a young boy, was forced to allow his perpetrator to urinate in his mouth), the details are graphic, dark, and devastating.
Grooming
After the break, we see more clips, this time with men talking about grooming; you can read more about grooming in Daniel's story in this post. Grooming is a process in which the abuser earns the trust of the child and manipulates them so that when the abuse begins, and as it escalates, the child will not speak up to anyone. Various methods, many overlapping, include making the child feel like it's his fault or that somehow he wants it, threatening the child, and, in particular a devastating method for boys, is using their body's physiological response to convince them that they not only like it (and for some boys it does feel good) but that they want it.
Patrick & Kevin
Identical twins thought that Catholic school would be a safe place. The twins were altar boys and in third grade, age eight, a priest pulled them out of class 5-7 times a week to torture and abuse them. Eventually the priest forced them to choose--he could abuse them, or they could abuse each other. They would choose each other to protect one another from the priest. But then it became worse--over the 13 years, other priests joined in, binding the boys and gang raping them.
The two men are now in the studio sitting down with Oprah and the audience gives them a standing ovation. Oprah explains that they are standing together with them because they have lived through that pain and shame, and understand the horror. Oprah says her hope from this show is that it will release the guilt, that it's absolutely not their fault, that it's always the abuser's fault.
After a break the twins tells us that the priest offered them money, and they used that money for drugs. They became addicted to the drugs, which made them dependent up on the priest. They say it finally stopped, years later (they would have been 22 when it stopped if it began at age 8 and went on for 13 years) because their father suspected something wasn't right and so he began taping phone conversations. He was the one who found out and was able to put an end to it.
Abuse Changes You
Oprah asks if the twins feel changed, and they say absolutely. She spoke with men who are abusers, and one said that every time he abused the little girl he was hurting it was like "little murders", meaning that he knew he was profoundly altering who this little girl was and would become. The twins say that this is true, that every day they cry inside wondering who could have been, who they might be now had the abuse never happened. The potential to be someone else was taken from them, and one brother says he doesn't trust people and is a very bitter man. Tyler Perry reiterates that he, too, for many years was a bitter man.
Take The Power Back
Tyler says the only way to change away from being a bitter man is to get your power back by forgiving. He says it's a process, but you must do it. Oprah clarifies that forgiveness does not in any way mean saying that what happened was ok. Instead, she says, "Forgiveness means I am not going to let you continue to hold the reigns over my life." She says a beautiful definition of forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different; it's accepting the past for what it was and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward. This garners applause from all of the men.
Chad
When he was 7, Chad's father began abusing him. He says that it seemed like it would happen as soon as his mother would leave the house, and it was the only time his father gave him any attention. It started with his father making him touch the older man's genitals, escalating to oral sex. His father once tried to sodomize him but it didn't work, so he would kiss him and force him to continue the oral sex. It continued for 7 years, happening up to 4 times a week. The disgust in his voice as he recalls the feeling of his father's facial hair when he could kiss him is visceral and literally makes me want to vomit because of my own memories of abuse at the hands of my biological father. He says it was difficult for him, as it is for many men, because it felt good to his body and it caused him to question his sexuality. He finally told his mom at age 17, but no one in his family believed him.
In the studio, Chad recounts to Oprah confronting his father about 6 months ago. He told his father he was there to talk about what had happened; the father at first refused to talk to him but he threatened to yell it through the neighborhood so his father finally sat down. He says he expressed how it's affected him because he doesn't trust; he struggles with feeling good enough, worthy of being loved. Oprah says that it's healthy adn normal for him to feel a certain sense of shame, that his father was disrespecting him as a human and as his son, so of course he would take that in and have issues.
Oprah inquires about where his mother was when this was happening; Chad says that she was once in the bed sleeping right next to them (the whole family was sharing a bed at a hotel en route home from vacation, so his sister was there, asleep, as well) as it was happening. Oprah asks if Chad thinks his mother knew, and he says he sometimes thinks she must have had an inclination. His behavior changed drastically; at 13, 14 he began drinking and doing drugs. When he spoke up at 17, he was drunk and so his mother and sister thought he was just trying to break up the family.
After a break, Oprah tells us that her producers spoke to Chad's father. He admitted to molesting Chad and at one point was going to come on the show but changed his mind. The decision was made (not because of Chad's father) that the show was going to go the direction of being for the abused, for them to free themselves, and not to be in any way about the molesters speaking out. Oprah asks if the fact that his father admits what he did means that his father understands what he did, and Chad says no, he doesn't. Also painful is the fact that his mother remains married to and with his mother.
Oprah asks Chad about his children, if they know his father. He says that they have been around his father but don't hug or touch him and are never alone with him. Sometimes they are alone with his mother but never his father, and Oprah asks him how he could ever trust his mother to do right by his children if she didn't do right by him. He doesn't have the chance to respond, and she asks him if he's angry. He says he is still angry, he just takes it out on the wrong people. Oprah tells him that she hopes today is a start for healing and we go to break.
The Shame
After a break, some of the men in clips talk about how the shame owned them. One man says that it became a part of him, that he was part of the darkness. Another says that a horrible crime was committed against him when he was under ten years old and the crime against him shouldn't cause him to feel ashamed.
In the studio Oprah introduces Dr. Howard Fradkin ; he specializes in working with male victims of sexual abuse and assault. He has worked with over 1,000 men. The men applaud him, but I'm just so sad that there have been 1,000 men for him to work with, plus the 200 men in room. Oprah asks how it is that we don't know about this, and one man says that from the instant he was abused he felt complicit and that it was his fault. Oprah bluntly asks if there is a connection between male physiology, the tendency in most boys for their penis to become erect when being abused, and the idea amongst men that they're not only complicit, but enjoying the abuse and that it's their fault.
The doctor says that little boys want attention and so perpetrators pick them out. Oprah wants the men to know that it is not their fault. The mind of the molester is looking for the child who is most vulnerable and so the one who is abused has absolutely no fault in the abuse. Oprah says many want to know why people go back, and the perpetrator tells so many lies--they say they'll never do the bad stuff again. They say this is nurturing you, good for you, because they love you. Tyler Perry points out that so many of those little boys don't know what love is, which sets them up to believe the false love offered by their perpetrator.
Closing Thoughts
Oprah tells us that next Friday, in part 2 of 2 of this episode, we'll hear from the women who have been watching. Additionally, Dr. Fradkin will help walk through some of the effects of the abuse, and they'll begin to deal with what after effects--what comes after speaking up, and how to prepare for the possible reactions.
Gospel Filter Review (GFR)
I have written extensively on sexual abuse, so it's definitely best to refer back to those. The original Tyler Perry episode is a great resource in particular. Additionally, I'm so glad that there was an aspect of forgiveness that Oprah totally got right--forgiveness is NOT saying that what someone has done to you when they sin against you is ok. She's still missing the biggest piece, though, which is that forgiveness is only something we can give someone else through what Jesus has done for us, so read these posts; this one is the best resource for what true forgiveness is; read the GFR under the Terry McMillan segment.
Today, the biggest thing that stands out to me is redeeming the notion of shame to a Biblical one. Oprah was right when she says that when a person sexually abuses you they are leveling a disrespect toward you that absolutely can cause you to take ownership of the shame of that horrible crime. However, to simply say, "It's not your fault," doesn't cleanse you. I've shared pieces of my story before on this blog, and the sexual abuse I endured was always clearly not my fault. As soon as I knew it was wrong I was told in the same breath that it wasn't my fault. And it's true--an infant cannot bring sexual abuse on themselves. Neither can an older child; that said, the point is that I knew there was no way I did anything to deserve what had happened to me.
Yet knowing I wasn't culpable did not fix me. Even when I was older and knew that the abuse was wrong, even in one instance where a different man was so desperate to get a glimpse of my naked lower half around age 8 that I finally relented, but forced him to give me money just to see me for those literal two seconds, it was no different. Whether I did nothing or manipulated the situation to my advantage, as is the case with the incident, I felt the same driving desire to escape that anything had ever happened at all. The effects of abuse manifest differently in people; some go the route of wallowing in the shame and becoming self-destructive. Another common path is to deny anything "bad" ever happened and to go to the extreme of trying to be perfect and successful. I was the latter sort, yet deep down I experienced just as much shame and desire to cleanse the filth attached to me as someone who turns to substance abuse and promiscuity.
So, then, what is shame? Shame affects who you are. It tells you that your worth and value are intrinsically linked to either something horrible you have done or something horrible that was done to you. Our desire to be cleansed leads us many directions, but ultimately we are powerless to wipe the shame off of ourselves. In his book Redemption: Freed By Jesus From The Idols We Worship And The Wounds We Carry, Pastor Mike Wilkerson writes (italicized emphases his; bold emphases mine):
If you put your hope in your mere will power... to keep distance between you and your shameful past, you'll be put to shame the moment you stumble and those false hopes fail you. If your hope lies in your ability to mask your wounds by acting strong, in the constant affirmation of another to make you feel worthy, or in your vigilance to avoid being harmed again, you'll inevitably be put to shame because you are not strong enough to save yourself, no one can ultimately secure your identity against your own deep doubts, and you'll never have a risk-free life as long as you live in a fallen world.
Your only true hope for lasting healing that shields you from shame is Jesus... he has already begun the healing. When you are in Christ, the old has already passed away and the new has already begun (II Corinthians 5:17). You are now a new creation in Christ. He has already touched you with his forgiveness and his healing power... he has already taken away your shame, adopting you into his family where you now belong with no more shame.
What's more, he has sent his Spirit to live in you to complete the restoration. The same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead has been sent to give you new life and reverse sin's effects, remaking you from the inside out [he footnotes these verses: 1 Corinthians 15:45; Romans 8:11; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Colossians 3:9-10; 2 Corinthians 3:18]. The Holy Spirit will not stop until you are perfected. In the end, you will be fully redeemed, fully healed, body and soul--not merely returned to "normal" (Whatever that is), but made glorious, fit for a new heaven and new earth in God's kingdom [he footnotes these verses here: Philippians 1:6; 1 John 3:2-3; Romans 8:23].
[Mike Wilkerson is a pastor at my church, Mars Hill Church in Seattle. His book is only available for pre-order until it comes out in January, but it's the source material we use in Redemption Groups, a ministry in which I am a leader, which is how I am quoting it.]
Great stuff, right? It hits on the truth--we cannot save ourselves. We cannot cleanse ourselves. The only true cleansing, the only real redemption, comes when we belong to Jesus Christ and He not only forgives us for our sin against Him, against a good, holy, and perfect God, but He also cleanses us of the sin perpetrated against us. Nothing else works. Believe me, I have tried. I tried to "take the power back", to quote Tyler Perry, by finding the goodness in my own heart to forgive my abusers, to be the bigger and better person. It never worked. The shame lingered, taunted me, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself it was done. The doubts that maybe somehow I did deserve what happened, or believing the lie that God caused the abuse to happen to me so I could be strong and then that would make him look good, still ate away at me, corrupting my very soul. For me, it was evident in the over 200 extra pounds that I packed onto my body. I could tell everyone I had it all together, but one look at me screamed otherwise.
Another great point is that it does us no good to torture ourselves with that might have been, how "normal" we might have turned out. For one, it did happen. There is no undoing the abuse. It's absurd to think we can, and yet fantasizing about how we could be so different if it never had happened still taunts us as some alternate reality. It's a lie of the enemy, Satan, the devil, to keep us living in shame and in the past. Again, only Jesus cleanses, redeems, restores, and not just allows us to move forward but helps us have a right perspective on the past, one that includes seeking Him to forgive those who sinned against us, but that also doesn't expect us to "let go" or "get over" anything. Jesus doesn't force us to skip past the grief, slap on a smile, and say, "All better now. Jesus fixed me." He patiently, lovingly walks with us, grieves with us, feels the anger and sorrow and betrayal with us. He doesn't add to our shame by making us feel bad that we feel bad. Again, that's a tactic of Satan, not Jesus.
Lastly, I want to recommend a book to anyone who has either been abused, knows someone who has been abused (perhaps a spouse or close friend), or just wants to be better equipped to lovingly walk through abuse survivors. I haven't read this book yet, but I am friends with this couple and they love Jesus, know their Bible, and, most importantly, love others with Jesus' love. Their desire to see people who have been sexually abused set free is one that I think is only surpassed by Jesus' own heart.
The book is called Rid of My Disgrace: Hope and Healing for Victims of Sexual Assault by Pastor Justin Holcomb and his wife, Lindsey Holcomb; again, they are personal friends, Justin is also a pastor at my church. They spend much time ministering to hurting people, and they don't even know I am plugging their book. Buy it anyway. In fact, I just pre-ordered it so that when it comes out and the next time I recommend it I have actually read it!
Finally, I want to end with this verse. I think nothing better expresses a heart freed from shame; additionally, no other verse makes it more clear that this is not something we do or earn, but is completely God's grace to us because He loves us. My prayer is that every single one of those 200 men would pray this verse back to Jesus as worship, with hearts that are in love with Him and truly free from their bondage:
And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.
2 Corinthians 3:18, ESV
Up Monday
World Exclusive: Oprah Talks to Michael Jackson's Mother and Children
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)