Tough Decision

I made a tough decision today. I really want to honor God by doing well on this blog! I'm also having to take into consideration the fact that I am about to enter my third trimester of pregnancy, my husband is basically working from midnight to 7 pm, including commute, for the rest of this month, and my own workload is quadrupled! I felt stressed about getting caught up, and through reflection and prayer my heart was pretty clear.

1: I don't like missing any episodes because there's a secret desire to have this published as a book in some form and I think not missing any eps increases my chances (I didn't like seeing that there, but it was).

2: I fear that people will see me miss an ep here and there, or even 4 in a row like last week/Monday, and think that I'm lazy or don't love Jesus and don't honor commitments and take them seriously.

Neither of those are reasons to stress myself out to do every. single. episode! I'm not sure how it will look going forward, but upon review, the ones I missed were about Garth Brooks, remembering JFK Jr, being thankful, and Keith Urban / Nicole Kidman. In other words, there may be some good stuff in there (I'd love to redeem whatever Oprah says about being thankful and pointing to Jesus!) but mostly it's kind of lighter, fluffier stuff. Now, I think those are important, too! The heavy eps weigh me down and the lighter ones are a nice reprieve! But I feel peace about not doing those. As with any missed episode, they are saved on my DVR and if one day I have the time, drive, motivation, and leading from Jesus to do them them I will!

With regards to moving forward, I will still have the intention of doing every episode and not getting behind. However, if I'm getting stressed out and neglecting those things I'm first called to (personal time with Jesus, taking care of my husband and spending time with him, plus various duties in our home, my job, and spending time with people I'm in community with / my various roles in my church) then they have to take precedent and I have to suck up my pride, submit to Jesus, and be honest when I need to skip an ep or two!

Overall, I still just want people to see Jesus. I realize that the guilty feeling of, "What if that episode you missed was the one thing that would have led someone to your blog and they'd read about Jesus for the first time? Now they'll never know the truth you were supposed to write and you missed an opportunity and their remaining in darkness is your fault," isn't from Jesus. I don't know if it's the enemy or my own sinful desires, but either way, it's not Jesus. He's calling me to trust Him, to rest in Him, and to serve Him such that my work is worship. Even if I do get lazy and miss an opportunity He loves me, forgives me, and allows me to be made clean and repent. How I love Him!

So, presuming we're back to new shows next week, I should be back on Monday! Until then, feel free to peruse old posts or ask questions or what have you!