Episode 37 - First Television Interview: Ricky Martin Coming Out as a Gay Man

Ricky Martin


Oprah tells us that handsome Ricky Martin was "livin' la vida loca"... but he was also living a lie. In the early 2000's the Latin pop singer was winning Grammy's, selling out stadiums, and on the cover of just about every magazine. Oprah tells us that on and off the stage he was surrounded by beautiful women though rumors swirled about his sexuality.

Ricky has a "beautiful new memoir", according to Oprah, called Me; this is his first television interview since not only coming out as a gay man but writing his memoir. As she welcomes him into the studio the women scream and give him such a raucous standing ovation that it brings tears to his eyes. Oprah tells him there is a lot of love for him and he says, "Right back to you all."

Coming Out
On March 29th of this year, Ricky came out on his website, writing:

"I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am."

Oprah asks why he chose that day after so many years of denial and "no comments". He says that he couldn't take it anymore, but also he realized that when he adopted his twin sons he would be teaching them to lie if he wasn't honest about who he was. She asked how he felt after pressing "send" on that e-mail; he says he felt relieved.

He describes his assistant coming in, hugging him, and saying, "Let it go! Let it go! Finally you are free." He tears up in the recollection, and Oprah asks why. He says that he finally felt that he could love himself completely. For many years he tried to pretend he was somebody, raised in a very conservative culture. Oprah pushes the envelope, insinuating that it was the religious beliefs, and he hesitantly says that unfortunately his beliefs told him that his feelings were wrong, that they were evil. She says, "Your feelings for men," and he agrees.

Knowing at an Early Age
She asks if he always knew that he was homosexual, saying that she almost always hears from other gay people that they knew by age 4 or 5. He says yes, that even at age 4 or 5 he felt this attraction, this chemistry toward boys, not girls. He was confused because that was so abnormal, that his family already on the first day of school was asking about girlfriends and he was confused.

The Barbara Walters Interview
In the year 2000, he had an interview in which Barbara asked him point blank about his sexuality, telling him that he could stop the rumors and could just say yes or no. He replied, "For some reason I just don't feel like it." Oprah asks how he felt in that moment, and he says that he highly respects Barbara, that she's an amazing journalist and was just doing her job, but that he simply felt beat up. He felt punch drunk, that he had his little monologue that he always said--"I share everything I have about myself on stage, why does it matter who I go to bed with?" (quote not verbatim)--but she just kept going and going. He says he just wasn't ready, that was not his moment.

Oprah inquires as to how he felt about that, the continual barrage of questioning. He said he felt anger, because he felt invaded and violated. Though it wasn't the first time he was asked about his sexuality, it was a major prime time show just after the Oscars and after that every journalist felt that it was ok for them to ask it, that they would be the one he would come out to.

When To Come Out
Ricky tells Oprah that the constant barrage of being asked about his sexuality, the way it was treated scandalous, made him feel dirty and horrible. It caused him to hide from the truth even more, and he wasn't ready to face that truth. In fact, the way it was handled as a scintillating topic made him think that if that was who he was, this scandalously gay man, then maybe he hated himself. He insists that this is why no one should pressure anyone to announce their sexuality, and he likens it to people being bullied for being gay, which forces them to come out, and then they commit suicide. Ricky says that coming out is a very spiritual experience, and once you come out it's beautiful and wonderful.

Acceptance From His Mom
Ricky says he fell in love with a man, and he wanted to run away with the man to Europe, give up his career, give up everything. The man said that he couldn't do that, that if anything went wrong then Ricky would always blame him. In retrospect, Ricky says maybe the man wasn't as in love with him as he was with the man, but they broke up and he was heartbroken. His mom asked if he was in love, and he said yes. She asked if it was with a man, and he said yes. She said, "I love you. Don't worry. Come on and give me a hug."

This was when he was 20, 21 years old (he'll be 39 in December). He said she began to cry a lot, because she was worried about what would happen to him, to his career. People were not ready back then, and Ricky says that even now people still struggle with homophobia. Oprah says that his mother embraced him, and his father did too, and he says yes, that he has a really cool dad.

Denial & The Sexuality "Spectrum"
In a clip, Ricky describes feeling that he was bad, that he wasn't enough if was just who he was as a gay person. Oprah and Ricky in the studio concur that if everyone who is gay just came out at once it would change the world; this is met with applause. Then Oprah shifts to Ricky's passionate love affairs with women, reading an excerpt from his book in which he describes a torrid, passionate, intensely sexual love affair with a woman who drove him insane. Oprah asks, "What was that?" Ricky said that he refused to lie in this book, that he did feel intense sexual pleasure and desire with women, and wasn't going to pretend he never had.

Oprah explains that she believes that sexuality is a spectrum, that some people are a 10 (presumably, she means totally and completely attracted to only one sex, be it the same or opposite sex), others are more of an 8, others more in the middle, somewhat attracted to both sexes. She says one gay friend has said he could only have sex with a woman if a man's picture was on the headboard. She says there are men like that friend, and then others like Ricky who can have sex with both sexes. Ricky clarifies, saying bluntly, "I am not bisexual. I am a gay man." He clarifies, saying that for many years he thought he was bisexual, but that he was confused. Ricky says that being with women was perfect, but that he knew he was driven by people loving to see him with women. Oprah asks if he was using those women to cover up his homosexuality, but he says that he was actually in love with the women he was in love with.

Oprah then inquires about Ricky's image as a sex symbol with women that he helped create. We see a clip of him on stage with a woman, the two of them fully clothed yet practically appearing to have sex through their clothes. He says that he is an entertainer, and that he loves the sex symbol status and that if he does something illicit on stage that causes the audience to respond then he's going to do that again. He says that is what entertainers do.

Love & A Spiritual Journey
After a break, Oprah asks if Ricky is in a relationship now, and Ricky says yes. In a clip, he says that love came out of nowhere, that he wasn't looking for love. It just found him. Ricky says that he (the boyfriend) loves his (Ricky's) children and it can't get better than that.

Back in the studio, Oprah says she loves the memoir because it doesn't feel like a memoir; rather, "it feels like such a spiritual journey." She asks what he learned from the whole process about fear, and he says that it's all in your head. He says you can't let other people's thoughts or insecurities feed your own, that you just have to look in the mirror and say, "I love you. Nothing is going to destroy you and you're not gonna [sic] fall."

The Defining Moment
Oprah asks what his defining moment was, when he decided to stop living the lie and be nothing other than what he was. He says that it came down to going to bed every night thinking, "I hate myself," and simply deciding he didn't want to say that again. He told himself to look at everything he had done with his family, with his charity, all of the love that he had given, and how could he hate himself?

His Twin Sons
Through a surrogate, Ricky became father to sons Mateo and Valentino. He tells us in a clip that they gave him the strength to do everything. He wanted them to be proud of their dad and their family, so he couldn't lie anymore and pass that onto his children. Ricky tells Oprah that he always wanted to be a dad, because he has an amazing relationship with his dad.

We get to see a clip of him at home with his sons, just hanging out as a family. We learn that Valentino is very noble, always sharing and that he puts others first. Mateo is very outgoing, alpha; he takes care of his brother and is inquisitive and loves books. Ricky tells us that he's a very hands on dad, that he wants his sons at age 15 to look back and see that he was always there for them, always with them. He says that having traveled the world and staying in the most luxurious hotels means nothing, but that the energy created between him and his sons when he looks into their eyes, their little circle of three, means everything.

Becoming a Modern Family
Ricky went through an agency, using one woman's eggs and another woman as a surrogate to carry them. He did it through lawyers to make sure everything was handled properly. However, neither woman knows that Ricky is the father. Just like there is private adoption or open adoption, he did private surrogacy. Many surrogate mothers actually prefer not to know who their children go to. The surrogate mother of Ricky's children told him in a phone interview that she does surrogacy because she is a very spiritual woman and never feels closer to God than when she can give the gift of life to someone who cannot do it on his own.

Oprah asks what he'll tell the twins about their biological mother. He says that he's not there yet, but they'll eventually ask him. He plans to tell them that he wanted them in his life so bad that, with the help of God, everything lined up for them to be a part of his life. He plans to start there. The family matters more than the specifics of how they came to be a family. He says that you have to go through life proud of your family, and that he is part of a modern family.

Surprises for Ricky
Oprah surprises Ricky with video clips of viewers who were inspired by Ricky to come out as gay because he had. One man thanks Ricky for having the courage and lending his strength to the man; another, Ricardo, says that his mother hadn't fully acknowledged him for nearly 20 years after coming out. After Ricky came out, Ricardo's mother began asking questions and he finally felt fully accepted by her. Ricardo is in the audience, and says that having a Latino, "one of us", coming out paved the way for the rest of them.

Another fun surprise is when Oprah shows Ricky a clip of his first time on her show, in 1994 as the new 13-year-old member of Menudo. She had pulled a tiny young girl to hug him and she has the now full grown woman in the audience.

Performance
After a break, Ricky performs for the first time in many years (that I can think of, at least!), performing a duet called The Best Thing About Me is You with fellow Grammy-award winning Joss Stone. It's very cheerful and upbeat (and, in my personal opinion, a wee bit cheesy! You can look at these lyrics and decide for yourself, though!).

I’m as happy as I can be
Cause I’m allergic to tragedy
The doctor says something’s wrong with me
The smile on my face has no remedy

So Baby, don’t say no
Come on and just say yes
You know it’s time to keep it simple
Let’s take a chance and hope for the best

Life is short, so make it what you wanna
Make it good, don’t wait until mañana
I think I’m cool cause your name’s on this heart shaped tattoo
Now the best thing about me is you

Gospel Filter Review
I wrote extensively yesterday about homosexuality and how Christians can best respond to a homosexual person.  Please read that if you haven't, as I feel deeply that this message is one that would change the face of Christian culture, but I hope at least minister to someone who thinks that all Christians are in the "God Hates Fags" camp. We are not!


There is one primary thing that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with homosexuality that I want to address. I've written about identity before, and there is a giant lie that we must reject. Our identity is not found in the good we do (I've written about good works, too, so you can read about that here), how well we've loved our family, or in convincing ourselves that we have inherent worth.

The Bible makes it clear: apart from God, we are nothing. We can do nothing. Only in Him do we live and move and have our being (the website has a new format; for the specific verse I am referring to, read the one listed in the box at the top of the scripture passage in the middle of the page). In that verse Paul is actually quoting secular poets, but redeeming their message to point to the Lord Jesus Christ. Any of our attempts to please God, to earn His approval, or to prove our worth to ourselves by doing or being good, is literally a pile of shit. This may offend some, but that is the literal translation of the Greek word that Paul uses when he says rubbish. Only belonging to Jesus matters--nothing else does!

This may seem harsh. In light of the recent slew of gay suicides and people killing themselves after being bullied for being gay, many may think that I'm going too far, that I should encourage people to love themselves if I say I love them. This makes sense to the mind of man, but it is offensive to God. True love, the greatest love, was shown when Jesus Christ laid down His life for His friends, both every day as He lived for the glory of the Father and then ultimately when he willfully allowed Himself to be murdered on the cross. Jesus died not just because He loved mankind, but because God the Father loved people so much that He chose to do whatever it took to restore us to Himself, and the requirement was the innocent blood of Jesus.


Without receiving the free gift of Jesus' blood, a person will spend eternity in hell suffering for their rebellion against God, their rejection of Christ as savior. The lie of the world that you can find inherent worth and good in yourself, and that the purpose of life to then love others after you love yourself, is one that sends people straight to hell. People love to believe this lie, and those who do are culpable and will stand before God without excuse, but it's a lie of the enemy, just as much as he loves to lie to people by making them feel so horrible about themselves that they refuse to believe God that He loves them and gives them worth.

Either way, reject the lies! Jesus Christ is perfect. His perfect blood shed on the cross covers those know receive His free gift of salvation, and God clothes people who know and love Jesus in His righteousness!


   I will greatly rejoice in the LORD;
my soul shall exult in my God,
  for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation;
he has covered me with the robe of righteousness,
  as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
                       Isaiah 61:10

How beautiful is that? Your worth has nothing to do with you, and that sets you free! God said to be perfect as He is perfect, but we can't! Jesus already did it, and we get the privilege and honor of being clothed in His perfection. So we need not convince ourselves of anything; we can surrender to the perfection of Christ and that is what defines us. Being defined by the perfect Father who created us in love, the perfect Son who died both to save us and to set us free, and the Holy Spirit who fills us with the character of both? That is far greater than looking in the mirror and trying to convince ourselves that we are worth something. Praise Jesus!

I pray that Ricky Martin would know this truth. I pray that he would embrace being identified by Jesus Christ's gift of Himself in salvation and that He would pass this along to His sons. I pray that Oprah, too, would know this truth. And you, too, reader.



Up Tomorrow
Oprah & Gayle's Big Yosemite Camping Adventure, Part 2