Episode 52 - The Mom Who Married A Killer Behind Bars and Astonishing Weddings

Tracy's Upbringing
Tracy is 47 and says she had a very happy, middle-class upbringing by loving parents in San Jose, CA. She has a son in his early teens named Ryan from her second marriage, and when that marriage ended she took a spiritual journey to discover why she had two failed marriages. She's a self-described "free spirit."

Joseph's Upbringing 
Joseph grew up only having seen his father maybe two or three times; he says that his mother went to prison when he was six years old. She killed his "brother's daddy." He was so scared that he cried himself to sleep every night; they lived in a foster home Oakland with rats and roaches. Then, while living with relatives, Mel, his older brother, says he and Joseph were sexually abused. As a teen, Joseph was homeless and started selling drugs around 12 or 13. He says his heart just grew colder and colder, and that he never had a chance at a normal life; he just wanted his mother and father.

Joseph's Crime
On January 30, 1997, at age 19, Joseph and two other men broke into the home of a rival drug dealer with five people inside. Oprah tells us in a voice over that Joseph forced them all to lie face down on the ground while holding them at gunpoint. Though witnesses (the two men with him?) say the victims begged for their lives, Joseph shot all five of them, one at a time, execution style. Two were dead, two shot multiple times but survived, and the last young woman was severely beaten and barely escaped.

At the trial, the prosecution claimed that it was the "super bowl of crimes" and wanted the death penalty, while Joseph's defense claimed that his traumatic upbringing groomed Joseph for a life of crime almost with out any other option. The jury deadlocked at six to six and Joseph was sentenced to life without the possibility of parole.

How They Met
Tracy is in the studio, and Oprah tells us that Tracy and Joseph married four days ago. Tracy is part of an African dance troupe, and once a year there is a celebration for the men (a group of men meet with the prisoners who are willing to talk through and deal with their issues of rage, processing their emotions) where her troupe performed at the prison. Tracy met Joseph and they were just chatting and there was a strong connection right away. Oprah asked if Tracy was attracted to him, and she says he was an attractive man but she wasn't "going to go there" with a man in prison. When she left, though, Joesph took her hands and told Tracy he was giving her his heart. Tracy says this touched her deeply, and she thought about Joseph quite a bit before her mind said, "What are you doing... you're not gonna go there."

Before the Wedding
Cameras are in Tracy's home the night before the wedding. She has her outfit--a super colorful skirt and shirt combination--laid out. The prison has strict rules for weddings and Joseph's ring has to cost under $100. Tracy even has to provide the prison with a receipt to prove the cost of the ring, because if it's too valuable then it might be stolen. We learn that Joseph is allowed to call up to twice a day, and Tracy never knows when those calls may come. This time he calls at 7:55 pm and tells Tracy that he's starting to get nervous; it's cute, in the typical "night before getting married jitters" kind of way.

The next morning we see Tracy, excited about her wedding day. Her son Ryan is "excited and maybe a little nervous", saying he's never been to a wedding before and only to the prison once before the wedding day. At the prison, Tracy puts a clunky white sweater on top of her tight purple top, because the prison has strict rules about how tight clothing is allowed to be. Tracy, Ryan, and a couple others go in. Cameras are not allowed to follow, but onscreen text tells us that the ceremony last 20 minutes and Tracy stayed inside for four hours. We see her and Ryan walk out and she cheerfully exclaims, "I'm a married woman! Yay!" and shows off her ring and "beautiful pictures." She's literally giddy.

Support 
In the studio, Oprah asks about Ryan, and Tracy says Ryan supports her decisions just as she supports his. Oprah asks about Tracy's parents, and Tracy says her mother doesn't support the decision and wanted her to change her mind and not marry Joseph. Oprah asks why it wasn't satisfactory to love and care and respect Joseph without marriage, and why was marriage necessary. Tracy says that they are working toward the same goal of their path on a spiritual journey, her on the "outside" and him on the "inside". Oprah asks if they've had a conversation about Joseph murdering people execution style and Tracy says that they both feel as though that person, the man who did those things doesn't exist anymore.

How the Actual Relationship Started
Joseph is on the phone, and Oprah asks him about that first time they met. Joseph says he just knew she was "the one." Oprah asks him about that concept, since he's in prison without parole, if he considered the thought of a life beyond the prison walls. Joseph says that never entered his mind; he just knew he wanted to be with her. Tracy said it took her an entire of considering it, without contact. Another performance a year later at another performance led to another connection that left Tracy considering a relationship, and she told Joseph she was ready to start writing letters and see where the relationship went.

Oprah says it's the "weirdest ass thing" and asks Tracy what it was for her to consider a relationship with a man in prison for murder. Tracy says that, first of all, she knew the prison was very secure and she was personally safe. Secondly, though, she saw Joseph for who he was and gave him the chance for her to simply know him. Joseph reiterates this, saying that Tracy changed him because she gave him "the space to just be [himself]." Tracy taught him what love was, something he'd never known before, with her open heart, which gave him the strength to grow.

Deserving Life After Committing Murder
Oprah bluntly tells Joseph that he murdered two people, took two lives, and "what people want to know" is why he deserves to be happy. Joseph replies that, first of all, he's still alive so if he didn't have a mission left to fulfill on earth then he wouldn't be here. Secondly, he doesn't think he deserves anything. He says that God or a spirit or whatever is very forgiving. He then says that he deserves it because he went through the process of changing himself. He says he chose to be happy, to forgive himself for all he had done. Oprah asks if he owned up to what he has done, and he says that yes he has. He read books on meditation and did work on himself. He says he's not in a guilt place and can't live there, but he has remorse and takes full responsibility for what he has done.

Marital Faithfulness and Sex
Oprah asks Joseph if he expects Tracy to remain faithful; he says he expects her to do what she told him she would do. Oprah tells him he "did not answer the question, sir" with a light hearted tone and he laughs. He says he'll keep it real, and that yes he expects her to be faithful. Oprah asks about conjugal visits, and he says that they're hoping they'll change the rules but as of right now they cannot have a family visit. Oprah makes it clear that she meant sex and Tracy explains that they're called "family visits" now. Tracy says they expect the system to change.

Sustaining A Marriage
Oprah asks Tracy how she expects to sustain a "normal" marriage 5 years out from now. Tracy says that she was already sustaining that lifestyle before she met Joseph, that she had gone without sex for 1, 3, 5 years. She feels it "not anything dramatically life altering" to not have sex for that long. Oprah thanks Joseph and Tracy for their time and goes to break.

***

Nuns
Oprah tells us she had a fascinating time last year with nuns in a convent in Ann Arbor, MI. Through clips, we revisit that show. Of the more than 750,000 Catholic nuns in the world, 60,000 are here in the United States. The average age of the 113 she spoke with  in Ann Arbor, the average age is only 28. Oprah had a profound moment when one nun said, "If you don't believe in something greater than yourself then you'll never do anything greater than yourself."

Becoming Nuns
This year, cameras were allowed in the convent again and we see 22 young women enter to begin the process of becoming nuns; at this stage they are called "aspirants." Oprah tells us in a voice over that they will, "never have sex, will never own possessions, will never have their own money for the rest of their lives." We see a 27 year old woman who says she loved the idea of marriage but ended a relationship a year ago and she's ready to commit to Christ fully. One girl is just 16 years old, while another is fresh out of graduation from Harvard. Another girl, 18, likens becoming a nun to when you meet the person you're supposed to marry; for her, it's committing her life to God. That said, the process lasts one year and the women are allowed to leave at any time. The families and friends say good-bye; for the next year the girls are only allowed to write letters home, but there are no calls and it sounds like few visits allowed. The women aren't allowed any cell phones or computers in the convent at all.

Their "Wedding Day"
The day when a woman says her vows to become a nun and completes the sometimes 8-year-long process is called her "wedding day", to her groom, Jesus Christ. The vows are considered eternal, and their habit with a white veil is considered their wedding dress. The sisters are given a black veil; after five years in the black veil, the nuns say a final set of vows. There is even a reception, a party, replete with cake. We see the new nuns cut the take together. There are even young girls, early teens, who talk about how appealing it is to marry and spend their whole life with Jesus. One mom does say it's hard to not have her daughter marry a young man and raise a family, but one nun says that she is a full-fledged bride of Christ and her love is eternal.

Material vs. Eternal
One sister in the studio discusses with Oprah that for her, the decision to become a nun came at 31 when she sat in her apartment, which she had just finished decorating, and stared at her TV and stereo system and realized that she could give it all up and it wouldn't mean a "hill of beans." Oprah inquires about materialism, and the sister says that she believes that as humans we all look for what is beautiful, good, and true. For her, she sought those things in material possessions and simply never found them, but found them in her calling to be a bride of Christ.

Parental Support
Another sister describes to Oprah how, upon announcing her decision to become a nun, it was the first time she ever saw her father get angry. He didn't want her to do it. However, before she left for the convent, he told her, "If you get there and you hate it we will buy you a plane ticket and fly you home. However, if you get there and you love it, we will come and visit you." The sister is touched by how supportive and loving her parents were despite their initial opposition. She says her family changed and now they value their relationship so much more.

Age
Oprah asks how young is too young, and one of the head sisters tells Oprah that it's about maturity, not age. She says you would never accept someone who is 16 unless you're certain they are mature enough to make the informed decision. However, someone in their 40s can lack the maturity to make the decision with the maturity that a 15 year old can have.

The sisters tell Oprah they pray for her every day, still, and Oprah jokes about how everyone's skin looks so great. She thanks the sisters for their time and we're out!

Gospel Filter Review (GFR)
The major thing that stands out to me about Tracy and Joseph was simply a sadness that they spoke of a "spiritual" journey but never spoke of Jesus. Additionally, Joseph spoke of changing himself and meditation, and Tracy spoke of her spiritual journey of looking inside to assess why she had two failed marriages. I've written about it before, but the answers are not within us! I highly recommend that if you are new you read previous GFR's about the heart. The basic premise is that inside of us is wickedness and we just keep getting more and more wicked the deeper we dig; outside of us is Jesus. He loves us, he gives us himself, and He changes us!

As for the nuns, it's very tricky. First, I am a Protestant, but I am not here to bash on Catholics. I simply want to share what the Bible says. Biblically, Paul does say that it's best for someone who is able to focus 100% on Jesus, and forego a spouse and children, to do so, but that it's not a requirement. Marriage isn't sin, but Paul wished that all could be like him, focused only on Jesus.

Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion... 

If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

I Corinthians 7:6-9, 36-40; ESV

Scripture makes it clear through Paul that living for Jesus only is a wonderful thing. The only hesitation I have about nuns is that, while they do so much good through their charity work and having schools, God's best in scripture does seem to be living in the world, amongst those who don't know Jesus, and allowing our lives to consistently and intentionally connect with people who aren't Christians. Living secluded and in a convent is not something that I can find in scripture. Jesus consistently traveled to people, going into their world and sharing himself with them. Paul, Peter, and the majority of the apostles are consistently seen going on missionary journeys to both build the fledgling churches and to spread the gospel into areas where people didn't know Christ.

The women all had such sweet spirits and seem totally dedicated and committed to Jesus; that's wonderful. I do need to say that while their dedication to Jesus is sweet, I am every bit as much the bride of Christ as they are despite their special ceremony. So is my husband and every brother or sister who is a Christian, including you if you are in relationship with Christ! Collectively, we are the church and the Bible tells us in Revelation (and elsewhere) that the church is the bride of Christ and will one day collectively celebrate a wedding ceremony in heaven.

So, as to the nuns, I do pray that their relationship with and devotion to Jesus is something that will flow out of them into the lives of many who don't know Jesus so that His glory and renown can be made even greater. I pray for all of us who love Jesus that are in the world, that we wouldn't be of the world per Jesus' prayer for all believers. I can't say outright that being a nun is sinful, but I do pray that all Christians would allow Jesus to maximize our impact in this world for His glory!

Up Tomorrow

The Hottest Tickets on Earth Plus Superstar Garth Brooks

Episode 51 - For the First Time Ever: Oprah's Ultimate Favorite Things, Part 2 of 2

Oprah's Ultimate Favorite Things, Part 2 of 2

So, I was actually really looking forward to this episode. I love seeing people have free stuff given to them. But, thanks to a November Snowmaggedon in Seattle (my favorite twitter hashtag, though I am not someone who ever says OMG, was #snOMG) the news decided they were going to cover the hellish commute and bump Oprah over to another channel. This does not a TiVo friendly move make when it's last minute, ergo... I got nada. I'm not going to lie to you--I'm supper annoyed to miss this episode, but the one about a lady marrying a man in prison for murder? That sure recorded. BOO!

If you want to see what she gave away, you can check out the Oprah Show's website. Sorry about this! I sure wish I would have known! It's intermixed with the items from Friday's show, but you can see what she gave away here:

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Oprahs-Ultimate-Favorite-Things-2010

The biggie looks to have been a 2012 Volkswagen Beetle, which they weren't even allowed to see because it's not being released for sight until May 2011. Fun! Now, onto that previously whined about whacky marriages post :)

Up Tomorrow

The Mom Who Married A Killer Behind Bars and Astonishing Weddings

Episode 50 - Oprah's Ultimate Favorite Things, Part 1 of 2

Giving
We're promised that this is the "most fantastical favorite things ever", and a "two-day joy filled frenzy." Well, if that's just not exciting I don't know what is! Oprah opens by telling us that her audience is filled with ultimate viewers who have given back in some way to the people around them. She says giving is one of the most important things you can do, and she has two chairs so that people can come up and she can interview them about how they have given.

Oprah thinks the best way to prepare for giving is meditation, and we hear what I can only assume is a meditation gong? She asks how many people meditate and only a few people raise their hands; she cracks a joke about the lack of a "rousing" response but talks about how meditating allows you to clear a channel for giving to others. She says, "How about we meditate on this?" The sound of jingling bells start, Oprah removes the (weird) black and yellow outfit that was covering a red (Santa inspired?) dress, says something about "favorite things", and, as you might expect, pretty much euphoria breaks out. Grown men are jumping up and down in circles and other grown men are sobbing... and that's just the men, never mind the ladies. That tells you something! Not to mention the fact that Oprah has medics in the audience in case someone gets too, too excited.

After transforming the studio from black and dark into a sparkling winter wonderland, Oprah jokes to "hold onto yourself" because "it's a long hour." She can't even say "favorite things" without massive screaming breaking out. She's regiving some of her ultimate favorite things and then some new stuff as well.

The "favorite things" list:
(Retail prices are rounded up to nearest dollar)

1. Limited Edition 25th Anniversary "Oprah" Watch by Philip Stein (it's got 58 diamonds, people!)
      Retail price: $2,475

2. Flannel Tory Tote & Custom Made Reva Ballerina Flat by Tory Burch
      Retail price: $445

3.  Nikon D3100 Digital SLR Camera with HD Video (yeah, I'm jealous of this one!)
      Retail price: $700

4. Long Sleeve Open Placket Cashmere Sweater & Cashmere Cable Throw by Ralph Lauren
      Retail price: $498 (that's just for the sweater, not including the blanket!)

5. Judith Ripka Eclipse Earrings (made with canary crystal with white sapphires set in sterling silver)
      Retail price: $525

6.  Andre Walker Hair Care Products (the ONLY thing Oprah uses on her hair from her only hairstylist for 25 years)
      Retail price: $65

7.  Lafco House and Home Collection Candle Set (retail $55 each; all 18 scents to each person)
      Retail price: $990

8. Breville Panini Press (she loves it so much she bought 22 as personal gifts to give away to love ones!)
      Retail price: $100

9. Kyocera Ceramic Cutlery Set of 2 Knives, Santoku & Paring (the "only" knife Oprah uses!)
      Retail price: $75

10. Beecher's "World's Best" Handmade Mac & Cheese (comes frozen)

      Retail price: $29

11. Baker's Edge Lasagna & Brownie Pans with Ghiradelli Brownie Mix

      Retail price: $35 (but that's only for the brownie pan, so I estimate $80 for all three)

12. A Course in Weight Loss by Marianne Williamson (21 spiritual lessons to weight loss)

      Retail price: $25

13. Decoded by Jay-Z (gives context and "aha" moments about the culture of hip-hop)

      Retail price: $35

14. 5 Year Netflix Membership

      Retail price: $600 (my estimate of $10 per month for 5 years)

15. Sony Bravia 52" HD 3D Television + Sony BDP-5570 3D Blu-ray Disc Player

      Retail price: $3,600 (just for TV)

16. elfa Customizable Container System from the Container Store

      Retail price: up to $1,000

17. Season 25 V-neck T-shirt from the Oprah store

      Retail price: $38

18. Lululemon Relaxed Fit Exercise/Lounge Pants

     Retail price: $98

19. Nike Free Run + Shoes

     Retail price: $370 (4 pairs, for entire family, at $85 each)

20. Royal Caribbean Allure of the Seas 7-day Cruise + United Airlines tickets to port

     Retail price: $4,000 (my total guesstimate, since they didn't say and it's not on the website)

Estimated total retail of gifts: $15,703 (not including extras that didn't list a price; does include my estimates)

 For the record, assuming her audience was its normal size of 300-ish, today's giveaways total almost $5 million. Crazy town. I do assume that most of the items are donated by the companies, because being on this show gets them CRAZY amounts of publicity, so they almost certainly make money despite their hefty donations of goods for the show. In other words, Oprah's not emptying out her personal coffers. Still, it's a lot of stuff being given away!

Extras
Oprah shares about Kiva.org, a site where for as little as $25 you can give a loan to impoverished entrepreneurs around the world. These small loans help people start small businesses with these small loans. Groupon supplied the entire audience with $100 gift cards to go to Kiva and choose whose loans to fund. Groupon is also matching what viewers give Kiva up to $500,000. If you're interested, you can go here to give and Groupon will give another $10:

http://www.kiva.org/

The Black Eyed Peas Perform
After sharing all of the favorite things, the Black Eyed Peas sing a mash-up of their latest hit, the remake of Time Of My Life (yes, that one from Dirty Dancing), with the Christmas classic Little Drummer Boy. Oprah says their her favorite group and she gives the entire audience a copy of The Beginning, the Black Eyed Peas' latest album. She thanks everyone, and tells the audience that they can go home and listen to Time Of My Life and think about how they had the time of their lives getting free stuff. And then we're out!

Gospel Filter Review (GFR)

I have written before about Oprah giving things away and her generosity, which you can read about in the GFR's of these posts.

One thing that stood out to me today was materialism. Here's the deal: there's nothing wrong with stuff. God is a generous God, who loves to give good gifts! He gave the greatest gift of all: Himself. Jesus died on the cross to give us the gift of salvation and then He gives us Himself again when He indwells us with His Holy Spirit. The Bible also says it's not a sin to be rich and it never condemns having nice things. What the Bible does say is sin, though, is the love of money, or, the love of things money can provide.

One of the pastors at my church actually just released a great book called Money: God or Gift? If you follow the link you can buy the book with free 2 day shipping for only $5! The basic premise is that money is a useful tool from God that He blesses us with and we should in turn bless others with. As an example (that I am making up; it's not from the book), it's ok to furnish a comfortable home for your family. This blesses your family and you can be gracious hosts and have others in your home and bless them. It's not really a blessing to invite people into a cardboard box dripping with rain, filled with smoke from a fire in the corner because there's no other source of heat, and sitting in the dirt with a dinner of cold chili from a can. It certainly wouldn't bless your children or spouse. Gross, right? If we said that we had to live that way while working really hard to make money and give it to the poor to honor Jesus then I don't think anyone would want to become a Christian!

So then, it's ok to ask Jesus about what it looks like to live within your means and have a comfortable home with nice things. It's not inherently sinful. However, all of us have a proclivity, because we are worshipers who are always worshiping something, to begin to worship the things and the stuff and not the worship the One who provided the stuff. This is when we tend to hoard and be greedy. We don't give generously to others in need and we don't share what we have. We focus on the next thing we want to buy, or what we want to upgrade, or maybe how much we want to have in savings in case anything breaks and we can feel secure that we'll be able to fix / replace it. Money then becomes our object of worship and we don't worship God with how we spend it.

This is relevant to today's episode, because it clearly blessed those people to get all of those free things, and that's not wrong! But I even caught myself wishing I was being given that camera. I justified it, thinking, "I don't care about diamond watches or cashmere sweaters, but I sure would love that camera! It has HD video and I'm having my first baby in 3 months and it sure would be nice... I wish I were getting that camera for free." I wasn't wanting to take anyone else's away, I just wished I were somehow getting one. The slope is slippery into envy and coveting, though, and the Bible clearly warns against these. Here is a short litany of verses that warn against envy and covetousness (emphases mine):

They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness... though they know God's decree that those who practice such things deserve to die.

  Romans 1:29, 32a

For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.

  Mark 7:21-23 (the words of Jesus)

Now at the feast the governor was accustomed to release for the crowd any one prisoner whom they wanted. And they had then a notorious prisoner called Barabbas. So when they had gathered, Pilate said to them, “Whom do you want me to release for you: Barabbas, or Jesus who is called Christ?” For he knew that it was out of envy that they [the Jewish religious leaders*] had delivered [Jesus] up [to be crucified; murdered]. 

  Matthew 27:15-18

You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor's.

  Exodus 20:17 (one of the Ten    Commandments)

You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 

   James 4:2-4

*the Bible makes it clear that Jesus was crucified for the sins of all people; I nailed Jesus Christ to the cross, delivered Him up to be crucified, every bit as much as those tangibly there plotting for His arrest. Historically and Biblically, though, it was the Jewish religious leaders who had Jesus arrested, accused him of blasphemy, and incited the crowd to thirst after Jesus' bloody death. See Matthew 26 & 27, Mark 14 & 15, Luke 22 & 23, and John 18 & 19.

There are so many themes here, but the resounding message is that envy and coveting are sinful and lead to all kinds of horrible things. When we get greedy and just want stuff, stuff, stuff (though envy and coveting can refer to non-tangible things like status, power, being respected, etc) it hurts us, it hurts others, and it offends the heart of God. God loves us and wants us to be free, filled with joy. I love that the James verse makes it clear that sometimes we ask God for things and He says, "No," because He knows that if we get it we'll just use it to worship our passions, and it will lead our hearts further away from him. He knows our only freedom and joy is found in being at peace with him, but love of the world (as it's called in I John 2) chokes out love of God and ultimately leads to destruction and death.

Have you ever had a friend owe you money, or maybe you owed them money and it came between you? Perhaps it was an item you let someone borrow but they broke it and didn't replace or fix it. Or maybe someone constantly said they couldn't afford certain things and they expected you to pull some or all of their weight. Maybe you were that person, expecting others to do things for you because they made more money or you came from poverty but they had wealthy parents who bought them stuff so you felt like it was no biggie for them to drive their much nicer car all the time and they pay could for the gas, too. Perhaps none of these apply, but it's triggering a memory of something else that's related.

In that situation, were you freely loving them and receiving love from them? And was your heart inclined to worship Jesus out of joy and thanksgiving? I am willing to guess not. Maybe you felt critical of every penny they spent. Maybe you became anxious every time it was something requiring a carpool and you knew said friend / roommate would have some excuse for why you needed to drive and you would get worked up just in anticipation of the conversation. And then they would not offer gas money and you would bitterly chew them out in your heart when you filled up with gas that you paid for while they went in and bought $7 in junk food and snacks for themselves and didn't offer you so much as a stick of gum.

Maybe you were the withholding one, and you felt nervous because you made such a big deal about what you couldn't afford but then you hid those cute shoes you got because you didn't want your friend to know you spent the money on them. Or when you finally did wear them in front of her you compounded the sin by lying either about the cost and/or how long you had owned them, saying you got them a long time ago but just never wore them. Maybe you told the truth, but heavily overemphasized what a great deal you got on them and how honestly it was a need verging on desperation.

Where is the love and freedom and joy in any of that? Envy and coveting lead to greed and selfishness and even lying and deceit and more and more sin. Again, it hurts us, it hurts our relationships, and it hurts and offends the heart of our generous and good God. So today, it was fine for Oprah to give away nearly $5 million worth of stuff. And it's wonderful that she gave to people who have been gracious and generous givers to people around them. But let's check our own hearts, and ask the Holy Spirit--where are greed, envy, and covetousness, or love of money, lurking in my heart? Where am I blinded by desire for "stuff" and it supercedes my desire to know and worship You, Father?

Ask Jesus for a generous and loving heart that reflects His. The only way to see this transformation is to ask the Father to increase your awareness and appreciation for how generously He gives to you! As you see His good and perfectly generous character flowing toward you and you worship Him then these same attributes will flow through you to others. Praise God that He is generous towards us!

Finally, for additional resources, here is a GREAT (and relatively short!) sermon series called Generous exploring these themes in greater depth in scripture. Put them on while you scrub down your kitchen over the next week or two-- they will seriously bless you! It's four sermons, and less than 2 hours of total content. I know you can squeeze that in!

Oh, and a quick PS--meditation as a channel to within ourselves for the sake of giving to others is worthless! Even though it was sort of shared in a lighthearted way, we know Oprah's serious about meditation and we can REJECT her notion of meditation!

I know I've touched on that before, but look again at the second verse I listed, the passage from Mark 7--ugly things come out of our hearts! We need not meditate inward but pray upward, in worship and repentance of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Spirit. From our Trinitarian God comes good things to give and bless others; if it's originating with us then, no matter how generous and good it seems, ultimately it ends with us and satisfying our own sinful motives in some way or another and that leads to death and blesses no one. But if it originates with Christ and flows through us then it honors Jesus, blesses others, and brings us joy. Choose option B!

Up Monday

Oprah's Ultimate Favorite Things, Part 2 of 2 

Episode 49 - Oprah! Makeover This Couple with Carson Kressley

Today's a bit of a fluff episode, so the recap will be super brief. I mean super brief! Oprah has fashion guru Carson Kressley on the show. He says one thing that's so right--tights are not pants! Tights are great, but they aren't pants, so wear something long over them! He encourages people to wear colors that make them feel beautiful.

Randy and Nina
Randy and Nina used to live in Montreal and Manhattan; she even worked in high fashion. They said good-bye to city life and moved to a farm in upstate New York. They've become very relaxed and their clothes are very relaxed. Carson took them to Nordstrom and dressed them up, and they look fantastic! Not at all "country-fied" anymore. He does a good job of matching things that work with the fact that they do live in the country. In other words, realistic clothes that are stylin'. Lovely.

Carson Hits Up the Jersey Shore
Carson gives people fashion advice whilst visiting the Jersey Shore. From a man looking "Santa Claus-ish" in a big red T-shirt and suspenders to a woman wearing what could only be Michael Jackson's Thriller video red pleather jacket made into a head-to-toe outfit, he gently helps direct people toward how to update their look. The lady, Patricia, is in the studio wearing some dark denim jeans, a long white tank with a skinny belt over it on her waist, and the same red jacket. She looks great!

Mia & Ty
These two live in clothes that are super comfortable. The husband wears a T-shirt, shorts, socks, and flip-flops. It's... interesting. Ty calls Mia's style Alabama sexy--she wears T-shirts and sweats. Carson dresses them up for a date night, and they look awesome! Ty tells Mia she looks like a movie star and then tells the audience to turn their heads for a minute. Once again, they look awesome :)

John & Kate (not that Jon & Kate)
John's clothes are... awful. Everything has holes and his shirts are so thin that you can see everything through them. Everything Kate wears is cotton and stretchy, and John cuts her hair, so when she went to get it cut somewhere else a year ago they said that one side was 2" longer than the other! In their makeover, Kate has a new accessory that makes her mom scream--John proposed and she said yes!

Linda & Clark
Linda wears birkenstocks and hasn't cut her hair since 1985. Clark outdoes her, though--he wears kilts every day! I have to say, the fact that they are from Seattle does not shock me :) Clark even wears his kilts while he teaches a class as a law professor. The awesomely awesome looking in a grey suit Clark tells Oprah that Seattle is the home of a kilt company and that you see guys all over Seattle wearing kilts. I have to say here that you sure don't! I live in Seattle--Seattle-Seattle, not the suburbs--and have never seen a man in a kilt! Linda, with her gorgeous haircut (Ken Paves did all of the haircuts), looks about 25 years younger.

Darren & Becky
Darren wears roughed up jeans with holes and stains, T-shirts, and ballcaps every day. Becky wears scrubs a lot because she's a nurse, and she wears "house shoes" (read: fluffly slippers!) everywhere--to the post office, grocery store, etc. They both look super awesome again and it's clear to me that Carson thinks that a man has to be wearing a jacket of some sort if they are made over. It's cool, but my husband sure isn't into them! Becky is sweet and says that she can't decide if she's been in Chicago the last few days, or in heaven.

Carson's Own Shows
Oprah had Carson do a show for her new network, the Oprah Winfrey Network, in which they did an American Idol or Next Food Network Star type search for a person to have a show on the network. It's called Your OWN Show. Carson will also be doing a fashion-oriented show for OWN called Carson-Nation.

Rich & Peggy Sue
We see a clip from 1987, in Oprah's first ever makeover show. Whoa, hello 80s! We get to see the makeovers of a couple named Peggy Sue and Rich and Oprah has them in the studio today. Oprah asks how long they kept it going, and Peggy Sue says they kept it up for a few months, but her sage advice to the people from today's show is that as they slip back into your old ways try to remember snippets of the experience they are having to hold onto because it's "fabulous." Oprah clarifies that people should use it to transform a part of themselves.

She thanks Carson and Ken, and we're out!

Gospel Filter Review (GFR)
I don't think there is a single thing wrong with looking good. But I sure have written about fashion before so you can read about it in the GFR of this post. It's written primarily to women, though the principles of worshiping Jesus in all things and allowing ourselves to look nice without worshiping our image hold true for men as well. I've also written about beauty and you can see that GFR as well.

I will reiterate that transformation does not happen from the outside in--Jesus transforms us from the inside out.

Tomorrow is about favorite things and I can't lie--I'm excited to see people win free stuff!



Up Tomorrow

Oprah's Ultimate Favorite Things

Episode 48 - Do You Believe In Miracles?

Today is about miracles. Oprah tells us to stick to what we believe is true, and to be our own judge.

John of God
A simple Brazilian farmer, there is a man known as John of God. He was given this name by others. Susan Casey of O Magazine traveled to see him; people from around the world visit him to be miraculously healed of everything from cancer to blindness. Many say he's a simple man who is working to fulfill his spiritual duty. Some say he gets his gift from the spirits of 30 dead doctors and saints who work through him.

Though he has no medical degree, John of God frequently performs simple surgeries such as eye scrapings, nasal probings, or incisions somewhere on the body. We see an image of him cutting into a woman's upper arm and moving his finger around inside of the hole. Despite using no anesthesia or pain medication, most of those who have had his procedures performed on him report feeling little to no pain and almost no infections are reported. One woman reports that when he operated on her, she could literally feel something black coming out of her.

Most of John of God's surgeries are "invisible" surgeries, where he walks around a room and the surgeries are performed on multiple people at a time, only he (nor anyone else) never touches anyone. John refuses to take any money and says that he isn't doing the work, that it's the power of God. He encourages people to continue their entire medical regime, though some people experience partial remission and others experience complete healing.

Why John of God Doesn't Charge

John of God doesn't charge for what he does because he says you cannot charge for what is not yours. He feels like charging for the work done through him that's not of him would cause him to be stripped of his power to heal. 

Susan's Thoughts on John of God
Oprah sits down with Susan Casey, and asks if she was a skeptic. Susan says that she tried to be neutral, not too skeptical nor already convinced the other way. People wear white because it apparently helps John see what is going on in their "energy". The first thing Susan saw was John scraping a woman's eyeball with a knife; Susan was shocked to see that the woman never flinched. Dr. Oz's explanation is that something like that can create an intense immune reaction, and maybe that's what's causing the healing.

After a break, Oprah asks Susan how she explains what she saw. Susan says she feels like it's all of the positive and good thoughts that people have but focused in a much more intense way. Oprah quotes the Bible saying, "When two or more are gathered in my name." She says she feels that having so many people gathered with such hopefulness is what is so effective.

How John Healed Susan
Susan was in a deep depression after her father's death. She hoped that maybe John could help fill the hole left. Susan met John. The first time he looked in her eyes and told her to go partake in a blessing. The second time he told her to go sit in the healing room and be with her father. She went to that room and felt like she was out of body, that it was so peaceful and serene, and she meditated and talked with her father there. She sat there for three hours and it went by in what felt like a few minutes. Eventually Susan began feeling lighter and after three days she says she realized that she was being healed.

A Skeptic
In a clip from a documentary about John of God, a woman explains how if you have doubt then you are putting darkness against God's will. She says ask God for something with an open heart and an open mind then, "in time you will receive. You will get your blessing." Dr. Jeff Rediger, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard, went as a skeptic. He took a team that collected medical and lab reports to see if people's reports of healing were medical fact, expecting to find the farce.

We see a scene in which a man's arm is cut open and John of God appears to be removing something. The man feels no pain, yet can feel Dr. Rediger touching his hand. The man is there for spiritual healing, and John of God removes physical pieces of something (we don't know what) from the arm and the man feels better. Dr. Rediger says he can't explain things he saw, like John of God cutting into a woman's cornea and and she felt no pain. In the healing room, Dr. Rediger reports being able to see white light around people who were praying. Then, afterward there is a spot of blood tricking down his abdomen from slightly right of his ribcage, and he's told John of God performed an invisible surgery on him.

A woman asks if Dr. Rediger feels violated, and he says no, that he feels completely in control. That is why he feels afraid, because he feels in control. Back in the studio, Oprah asks what was going on with the bleeding and Dr. Rediger says that, though it was 7 years ago, he still doesn't understand it. It changed everything in his life (from his very logical, material worldview to one open to spiritual things) but he still doesn't understand it.

In trying to explain what happened to him, Dr. Rediger wrote: "My interpretation of what happened to me is this. In short, we all matter far more than we typically have a clue about, and love is what is real. We tend to believe in what we can see and touch and believe that the world as it appears to be is the real world. On the basis of my experience, I've come to believe that reality is both revealed and concealed by the world we see with our eyes and that none of us are who we appear to be." Oprah thinks that's why were all here, that on some level none of us are what we appear to be, that we're just wearing little human suits to disguise who we really are.

Mark
A man named Mark was struggling with his belief in God. John of God shoved basically a long pair of scissors in his nose; he felt excruciating pain and like John was in his brain. He saw a burst of yellow light and then felt peace and calm. Watching the video with Dr. Rediger, they find see that even at an angle the scissors were several inches longer than the space at the back of the sinus. After internet research, they discover that John of God really must have been hitting Mark's brain (again, he pulled some unidentifiable object out). Mark says his whole struggle was whether there is or isn't a God; he now says there is, because he survived that (as he says "that" we see the clip again of John of God aggressively shoving the long metal scissors up deep into Mark's head).


Dr. Rediger on the Skeptics
Some skeptics say John of God just pulled a slight of hand in a case like this, that somehow he finaggled the scissors safely into the sinus cavity. Dr. Rediger says perhaps it is a slight of hand, but that there is a profound ability of the human mind to believe things and there is a need for research into the belief aspect. Dr. Rediger says that if you can say something to the effect of, "I believe this in my head but I don't get it in my heart, it's too much," and then an incision from an invisible surgery appears over your heart then clearly there's something inexplicable, supernatural happening.

Dr. Rediger on the Meaning of Life
He doesn't know what it means, but while he's not religious he's now into cultivating the spirit. What he believes now is that we all matter far more than we think we do, there's something, "unrepeatable and good about who we are," there's something mysterious about being human, and that our suffering comes from not getting it about the dignity and goodness of what our individual life means. He says we may feel alone and we're not alone in any way like we think we are, we're connected to one another, and the point of our lives is to get it about that.

Lisa
At 37, Lisa was diagnosed with breast cancer and it was recommended that she have a double mastectomy. Instead, she refused and visited John of God. While there, she volunteered for a visible surgery and had a nasal probe. She says it was cold and she remembers a crunching sound; it wasn't painful, simply more like shock. Upon returning home, she abstained from things like alcohol and sex for 40 days at John's recommendation and then had a biopsy; the result was still malignant. That was seven years ago. Oprah asks if she thinks she was healed in any way, and Lisa says she thought she wasn't but then hearing Susan describe her healing from the loss of her father made Lisa realize she had carried the loss of her mother (whom she watched die from cancer while in her teens) for years and that was lifted. Though she's never been totally healed of cancer, she was in stage four and she was told in 2007 that she has 2-5 years. She feels that she's still healing because she's working with divine intelligence. She never appreciated herself as a human being but now is learning that.

Ernie
Ernie had a tumor near his spine; we see very, very graphic video of John of God cutting into Ernie's back and removing the tumor. The Oprah show spoke with Ernie's doctor and the tumor was there and now is gone. Oprah asks Ernie how he explains it, and he says he can only explain that we're more than flesh and blood, that we're also a source of energy.

Dr. Rediger on Explaining
Since he still can't explain anything, Dr. Rediger says he would want to gather data, do research, and get facts. He feels it's less about the phenomena than what we do with it. He can't explain why not everyone is healed--Lisa still has stage four cancer, and Ernie is totally healed. Dr. Rediger says that we're all different, it's the journey of a soul. Oprah says we all bring different energy to John of God; he responds to what is brought and not all energies react the same or need the same thing.

Closing Thoughts
In the final moments, Oprah reads what Dr. Rediger said to her in an e-mail he wrote to the show about his experience: "Perhaps the real heart within us it not just a pump. Perhaps the real heart within us is about love and faith. Perhaps the physical body is not who we really are. Perhaps we are these invisible souls walking around and the body is just an instrument or metaphor for something we are trying to learn."

Oprah thanks everyone, plugs the December article on John of God in O Magazine and plugs the O Magazine iPad app, which is how she now reads everything.


Gospel Filter Review (GFR)
This is heavy stuff. Here is what stood out to me: God is not the only spirit able to perform supernatural miracles. Satan is a supernatural being capable of supernatural acts. In Exodus 7:11&22 and 8:7 we see non-believers able to perform the same miracles that God allowed Moses to perform; it's supernatural and not from God, which leaves the other major supernatural power in the world: Satan.

So, then, is John of God doing these things by God's power or Satan's? The Bible says to test the spirits. The Bible says it better than I could:

Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you heard was coming and now is in the world already. Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. They are from the world; therefore they speak from the world, and the world listens to them. We are from God. Whoever knows God listens to us; whoever is not from God does not listen to us. By this we know the Spirit of truth and the spirit of error. 

1 John 4:1-6, ESV

Notice that the implication of this passage is that there will be things that sure look like they are from God, but we can't assume that they are. This is the check in my spirit from this episode. I can make no claim about John of God himself, since I only know what the Oprah show represented. I will say that there wasn't a single word uttered in this hour about Jesus Christ, that He is God, the shedding of His innocent blood, nor our need of being washed in that blood for forgiveness of sins. Again, we don't get to hear what John of God himself testifies to, and we don't have evidence that every single person that Jesus healed went on to worship Him and believe in Him.

With all of that said, the stance the Oprah show took, of focusing on our "energy" as human beings, how interconnected we all are and how we need to focus our good energy on ourselves and one another, must be redeemed. First, we need to reject the idea that we're energy. Nowhere in the Bible are we called "energy". We have souls and spirits, yes. But those were created by God for His glory that we might worship Him. Before sin broke the relationship, Adam and Eve were companions whom God delighted in.

Additionally, we do not have good in ourselves. I've said it before and I'll say it again (read the GFR on that post), because the Bible makes it emphatically clear: our hearts are wicked, bent continuously on evil. Any good comes not from us but through us as a gift of God's grace.

Lastly, we can redeem the idea that we're all of inherent divine value and worth. This was twisted to be about humanity for humanity's sake, but the Bible tells us that we are of inherent value and worth--to God. "For God so loved the world that...while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (that's a mash-up of John 3:16 and Romans 5:8). God loves us, and already loved us when He nailed His son to the cross to die for our sins despite us being His enemy. He doesn't love us because of anything good in us, but because He created us. He loves creation, and we as humans are His favorite part! He knows us individually and loves us. This is so much better than it just being about humanity for humanity's sake--a loving and all powerful God knows and loves us perfectly and we get to know Him.

I pray that people would know that. I pray that when Oprah quotes the Bible people would be led to scripture to see what it's about and not just take her word for it. People being gathered in Jesus' name is spoken of by Jesus in the context of His people praying together, but it's flanked on both sides by the theme of forgiving people when they sin against us. The point is that there is power in asking God for things, and it doesn't exclude asking Him for healing, but if you read Matthew 18, again, the money verse about gathering in Jesus' name (verse 20) is flanked in verses 15-17 and 21-35 by Jesus teaching about forgiveness. I pray people would read God's Word and see that it's not only about asking Jesus to give us something or celebrate the energy of humanity, but about gathering with others who love Jesus and worshiping Him together.


Up Tomorrow

Oprah! Makeover This Couple with Carson Kressley

Episode 47 - Once in a Lifetime Barbra Streisand Extravaganza

I have never seen a single Barbra Streisand movie--not even The Way We Were--nor listened to any of her music. I actually know almost nothing about her, other than she's Jewish, refused to get a nose job, her nickname is Babs (at least in the media world), and people worship her. So this will be interesting.

Career Accolades
Barbra was born in Brooklyn, and at age 18 she walked into a club and entered and won a singing contest. she went to Broadway and by age 21 she was Fanny Brice in Funny Girl, which she reprised in the film version and for which she won an Oscar. In 1983 she went behind the camera, as the first woman to direct, produce, and star in a film, called Yentl. Over the last 5 decades she has won 2 Oscars, 11 Golden Globes, 1 Tony, 8 Grammys, and 5 Emmys (another EGOT!). She's also sold 70 million albums and has sold out many tours.

Looking Back
When she comes out, the audience literally goes crazy. Women are crying, dancing, and just thrilled. Oprah asks if it ever gets old, and Barbra says it's very nice. Oprah asks how she's doing, and Barbra says she has just returned from eating and gaining weight at spas abroad. Oprah asks if Barbra feels pride looking back, but Barbra says that she tries to live in the moment and not get too wrapped up in her career, which she says she realizes from the video montage is a very long one.

The Music
Oprah recounts a phone conversation in which Barbra told her she never meant to be a singer, and that she doesn't even love it that much. Barbra clarifies that she loves singing when it's just her and the music, but that when there's the performance aspect there is a pressure added. She doesn't want to disappoint anyone. Barbra loves the music, but she says she can't sing in someone's living room because the pressure affects her. Barbra jokes about the person in the front row of a concert, who thinks that because they paid more money they are entitled to be more critical, and she prefers her fans who are "up there", pointing toward where the nosebleed seats would be.

James Brolin
Married for 12 years, and dating before that, Oprah asks Barbra what her husband has taught her about love. Barbra replies that she has to watch her tone. Oprah then asks what being married has taught Barbra about herself. Barbra says they are tough questions, and Oprah says it's their last time! Barbra says she likes companionship, that she doesn't like to be alone, but that you have to really work at it. Oprah says that she has learned with Steadman (Graham), her partner, which she clarifies to all that she chose not to be married, she has learned that she thinks, "it takes a special man to be with a woman who has the kind of light on me that I have and to be his own self." They agree that this is true with Barbra's husband Josh, as well.

Babs' Leading Men
Oprah's producers sat down with some of the men who have starred opposite Barbra throughout the years. Jeff Bridges says that while she's amazingly talented, he loves the down home side of Barbra. Mandy Patinkin describes refusing to add a kiss into his movie with her, and now he wishes he would have kissed her. Barbra seems to get a kick out of that. Her intense scenes with Nick Nolte were, as he says, a bit too real and too hot. Kris Kristofferson describes a famous bathtub scene with Barbra as one of of the sexiest he has ever done and says it "always brings a smile to [his] face."

Robert Redford
Barbra then sings the title track from her very famous movie The Way We Were. I can't lie--so boring! I fast-forwarded through the singing, but had to stop a bit because just as Oprah tells Barbra, "I heard you've never done an interview together," women start screaming and the man himself walks out onto the stage. After a break, Oprah tells us in a voice over about the storyline of the movie: basically, opposites attract and it's passionate but ill-fated. Oprah says that she's wanted Robert on the show for 25 years, and it was them playing tribute to Barbra that got him to agree to come.

Robert Redford on Hubell
Barbra wonders aloud why they've never done an interview together, and Robert quips that it's because the thought he'd never get a word in. Oprah asks him if it's true that he almost turned down his role in the movie, and Barbra emphatically replies, "Oh, yes!" Honestly, it's a delectable TV moment as all three--and the audience, and me, too!--burst into laughter at the irony. Robert says that he thought the character in the original script was like a Ken doll, too one dimensional and not flawed or realistic.

Chemistry
Oprah says that what blew people away was the chemistry between Barbra and Robert. Redford expresses that he originally saw her as incredibly talented in the music genre but was concerned whether she'd do the work to be a great actress. The director, Sydney Pollack, wanted Redford to talk to the incredibly nervous Barbra before their first scene, but Redford refused. He felt that her being nervous in the scene where they first meet would be good, and the chemistry could develop organically throughout the film, and it did.

Tidbits
After a montage of Robert Redford's film accolades and career achievements, we're back to him, Oprah, and Barbra Streisand. Redford is the founder of the Sundance Film Festival, and he's renowned for the work he has done to create opportunities for "new voices, new artists." Oprah is surprised to hear Barbra call Robert "Bob" and we learn that Barbra has such a poor sense of direction that when she was doing Yentl they had to put yellow tape from the set to her trailer because she kept getting lost.

No The Way We Were Sequel
Barbra says that she wanted to do a sequel because she thought there was a great story to be told about the couple's daughter from the original film. Robert felt that it was best to leave a good thing alone. However, though, he never saw the real film. He saw the rough cut but never the finished product. Oprah is shocked and Redford admits that when he's wrong, he's really wrong.

Barbra's Dream Home
Barbra recently published her first book, My Passion for Design. It took her 16 years to build and design her dream home on the California coast. We learn that Barbra has always loved barns, that they feel very Ameican to her. She has chickens, a pond with fish, a huge water wheel, and water lillies. Her barn themed home has a stone silo and eagle weathervane from 1850 that she bought at auction. She has streams and many water features because she loves the tranquility of water. Barbra was involved in every knob, brick, and stone that went into her house.

Barbra's home actually is three houses--the barn house, the formal home. Her guest home is Cape Cod themed and faces the ocean, which is where she does her recording. It's simply a very feminine, frilly room and she sets up a mic and music stand to record. Her basement is a "street of shops". She has a lot of stuff that she loves collecting, so instead of putting it in storage, her basement appears to be like a street with little shops and her items are on display. I'm glad I don't do her dusting!

Why She Chose Her Charity
A portion of all proceeds will go to women's cardiovascular health. Barbra was shocked to find out that heart disease kills more women than all cancers combined. She asks if Oprah knows that, and Oprah says she did. Barbra's shocked that Oprah knew, and Oprah quips, "I do the Oprah show!" Barbra is raising money for a charity that will help with women's cardiovascular health, hoping to raise $5 million dollars that she will match with her own money.

Greatness
There's a wonderful clip of Oprah sitting down with barbra 14 years ago, telling Barbra that she's the ultimate star. This is because Barbra at her best makes Oprah want to reach for and be her best, and that's what a true star does. If that doesn't set up my Gospel Filter Review, I don't know what does!

Oprah thanks her for visiting one more time, plugs the book again, tells the screaming audience that they each get a copy and we're out!

Gospel Filter Review (GFR)
This review is super simple--I have written about greatness many times before and it's best to point you to those. The simple recap, though, is what Oprah herself said, just redeemed. Oprah told Barbra that her being a star inspires Oprah to shine her brightest, basically. This is partially true. God's best for us is when we worship Him with the ways He has created us to be. If we can sing like Barbra, praise God! Jesus doesn't want us to hide in a corner with our mouth shut. He gifted the person with that voice! Only, it's not so we can shine like our own star and to feel great about ourselves for our own glory. It's not even about helping or blessing other people. It's about living for Jesus, worshiping him with our gifts, and serving and blessing others out of worshiping Jesus for His glory and not our own. Jesus Himself lived that way!

Again, this is covered in depth in other posts, so if you're new, check those out!


Up Tomorrow

Do You Believe In Miracles?

Episode 46 - Whoopi Goldberg and 25 Years Later - The Color Purple Reunion

Oprah says that playing the role of Sophie in The Color Purple still ranks as one of the highlights of her life. She's ecstatic to have a reunion of the cast, starting with Whoopi Goldberg.

Whoopi Goldberg
Oprah starts be telling us that she and Whoopi haven't spoken or seen one another in years. Oprah tears up recounting how, this last summer, they came across one another at a gathering at Tyler Perry's house, and Whoopi came up to Oprah and asked if had done something. They both thought the other person was mad at them, and people kept telling each of them that the other person was upset with them, but once they spoke they realized neither of them had a problem with the other.

Emma
Whoopi had a very close relationship with her mother, Emma, and Oprah says that something she wrote about in her journal each night while filming The Color Purple was the amazing relationship Whoopi and her mother had.  Emma passed away recently, and the pain is still fresh. Whoopi says that her mother was unlike anyone she'd ever known because she was so comfortable being herself. Whoopi gets choked up, and Oprah asks if she can still feel her mother's presence. Whoopi says she's not sure, that sometimes she can't tell, but that her mother would never want her to dwell in the past. She and her brother left nothing unsaid, making sure that before she passed their mother knew how much she meant to them. The best thing her mother gave her was the exhortation to simply be herself, to be an individual and let people deal with it.

The View and the Billy O'Reilly Incident
Whoopi has appeared in over 50 films and has won an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony (I can only think of Tracy Jordan on 30 Rock trying to win his EGOT). Oprah asks how Whoopi ended up on The View, and she says  it was because no one was asking her to be in movies and she needed a job. Oprah asks about the recent controversy in which Whoopi and one of her cohosts, Joy Behar, stormed off the stage when Bill O'Reilly was in a conversation with them about the proposed mosque near Ground Zero in New York City and it erupted. Oprah asks why she left, and Whoopi says she was getting to the point where she was going to say something that would either cost her a lot of money in FCC fines and/or get her fired. Oprah then inquires about Barbara Walters stating that to get up and leave was unprofessional, and Whoopi says she knew she made the right decision for herself, because she needed to walk away and cool down or she, "would have cussed him out."

Whoopi at Home
We see Whoopi in her home, a large place built in the '20s. She has a library spread out over three rooms. Whoopi's bedroom has gorgeous Italian deco furniture from the '30s. Whoopi's bathroom is literally half the size of my apartment, and we have a decent sized place! She's quite in love with her toilet and shows us its great functionality--the lid opens when you walk up. Swell. We see Whoopi hanging out with her daughter, granddaughter, and niece, and Whoopi jokes about teaching the children in her family to do the things she loves to do--cuss.

Danny Glover
Oprah invites out Danny Glover, who played the male lead of Albert in The Color Purple. Danny has been in over 60 films and so Oprah asks him what place the film holds for him emotionally. He says it's special because it was the beginning of all three of their careers in many ways. His grandmother saw the film he jokes that she was so angry, that she walked out saying, "That boy know he was better than to act like that." He says that she was 92 years old and for the next 5 years each time he saw her he had to bring a switch with him.

The Color Purple Cast Reunion
Oprah brings out others from the film and they talk about how they got their parts and how the film launched their careers. The actors and their roles were Willard Pugh as Harpo (he played Oprah's husband), Margaret Avery as Shug Avery, Akosua Busia as Nettie, Rae Dawn Chong as Squeak, and Desreta Jackson as Celie. Oprah also brings out Quincy Jones, the man she says, "made it all happen." He gets a long standing ovation from the entire cast and audience. Quincy Jones discovered Oprah when she was doing a morning talk show in Chicago. Oprah asks Quincy how he knew the book could become a film, and he simply knew in his heart. Additionally, everyone said it would be impossible to do a Black film, especially with Steven Spielberg, before anyone ever made Schindler's List into a movie.

Steven Spielberg
In a pre-recorded clip, Steven Spielberg is in his office and recounts telling Oprah that she got the part of Sophie. She was so excited that she threw her arms up and broke one of this space figurines. He says that he's sorry he can't be there at the reunion, but he just returned from filming a movie and is exhausted. He tells the cast that he loves them and they are still special after all of these years.

Favorite Lines
The cast recounts their favorite lines, and I've never seen the movie, but there are apparently some very funny parts because everyone is just rolling with laughter. After a break, we see a man (a jovial white man, of all things!) during a show Oprah did 12 years ago in Texas re-enacting one of her famous scenes. Oprah has him in her audience and he's grateful to be there. The actor who played Oprah's husband jokes with Oprah that he's the "only husband [she's] ever had" and, were it possible, I'd say Oprah busts a gut!

Oprah thanks everyone for being there, and lets us know that the Blu-Ray of The Color Purple will be out on January 25th.




Gospel Filter Review (GFR)
Hopefully this doesn't come across as punking out, but I still feel ick. Don't sleep much or well when I do. Am battling a migraine today, and looking ahead life has to keep rolling on. Since nothing grabbed my heart that I feel I need to write about, I'm not doing a GFR today. Some things occurred that I could write about, but I don't want to risk falling farther behind, so I'm posting this one as is!

Up Tomorrow
Once in a Lifetime Barbra Streisand Extravaganza

Episode 45 - An Oprah Show Event: 200 Men Who Were Molested Come Forward Part II

Today is part 2 of 2 in Oprah and Tyler Perry's episode about male survivors of sexual abuse coming forward. The recap and Gospel Filter Review of part 1 can be read here. The 200 men have wives, mothers, and partners backstage and much of today's episode will focus on the impact of sexual abuse on relationships and how to move forward.


The Response 
Oprah starts by telling us about the response to last week's part 1, and we hear many callers leaving voicemails, in tears, about how touched they were by the courage of the men to come forward and the anger and heartbreak they as viewers were reeling in as a result.

Relationship Impact
Oprah tells us that sexual abuse plants seeds of inferiority and worthlessness, and that adversely affects relationships, particularly intimate ones. We hear clips of men describing their struggles in relationships, from one man saying he hasn't been intimate with his wife in years to another saying he's incredibly promiscuous with women. Other men say they know how to have sex but have never been truly intimate, never giving their heart. Of the 200 men, 80% (that's 160 of them) said in poll that they struggle with intimacy.

The wife of John, the man who said they hadn't been intimate in years, tells us it's been 8 years and the marriage is deteriorating. Tyler Perry asks if it's sex or intimacy, and she says both. The wife says that when she was trying to pursue him, to find out what was going on, she says she was completely shut down and shut out. The wife breaks into tears explaining that when her husband finally admitted the abuse to her a year and a half ago he would allow no questions, nothing, and she feels like he hates and resents her. Tyler says it's not her fault, but the wife says that her husband won't get help and she wants to help him. Oprah explains that him being here is a start and reintroduces us to Dr. Howard Fradkin.

Dr. Howard Fradkin
Again, Dr. Fradkin specializes in counseling male survivors of sexual abuse. He says that John's reaction is very common, that no one wants to talk, share, or trust. Oprah reiterates that sexual abuse changes the way you view yourself, and you act on those views. Dr. Fradkin says he tells men that "recovery is about being disloyal to dysfunction and loyal to functionality." Men have to identify the dysfunctional messages, such as I'm worthless or incapable of being loved, and to refuse to listen to them and learn functional messages and functional behaviors that lead to functional relationships.

Suicide
After a break, we see clips of men talking about wanting to commit suicide. One man says that death--the inability to see, hear, smell--was the only promise of peace that he could see. The polled men say that 81% of them have contemplated suicide and 33% have actually attempted it. Dr. Fradkin says those statistics are horrifying but also very common. Oprah asks why suicide, and Dr. Fradkin says it's simply so devastating, that for men they feel like their manhood, their spirituality, and their ability to connect in a safe way was taken. They feel no safety in the world and suicide seems like the only safe alternative.

Sexual Confusion
Many sexually abused men struggle with sexual confusion, wondering if they are gay or not. Dr. Fradkin says, first and foremost, that being abused is not having sex. A sexual abuse victim is being perpetrated by someone, not having sex with them. Dr. Fradkin says that sexual abuse does not cause anyone to become gay, that most of the time sexuality is determined by age 4 or 5 and most sexual abuse happens after that, once someone's sexuality is already determined. Oprah says there is a myth that sexual abuse can cause you to become gay, and Dr. Fradkin says that sexual orientation has nothing to do with abuse. Oprah is very intrigued by the point that Dr. Fradkin makes that a boy who is being abused by a man, and who is a homosexual, can struggle with feeling like the abuser saw his secret inside of him and brought it out.

Ray
Something that moved me to tears was Oprah telling us that the last man in a montage of clips, sharing about the effects of their abuse, is a man named Ray who has worked on her show for 15 years. He's helped produce many shows about child sexual abuse for the Oprah show over the years, and he decided it was time for him to come forward and share about his own abuse. He went into Oprah's office to tell her in person because he didn't want her to find out on TV. Oprah asks him why now, and he says that he couldn't ask those men to talk about their abuse and he not talk about his. He says that you get abused by your abuser and then you get abused again by the aftermath of the abuse; Oprah says it was profound and poignant when Ray told her last night that he'd spent his life trying to cope and now he's ready to heal. Healing, he says, is when you feel the feelings and are honest about what it has done to you, and mourning that.

Oprah talks about how she was sexually promiscuous as a teenager, thinking that she was just "fast" the way they said she was. She didn't connect her promiscuity to her abuse until she was doing a show later on the topic, and Ray explains that his way of coping has been to be confident, to be great at everything he does, because he was trying to prove to himself that he really was worthy. Dr. Fradkin says that every tear shed is one that gives worth back to the survivor.

Not Killed
Many abuse survivors say that they feel as though they were killed as a child, like the little boy they were died. Tyler Perry expressed this very clearly in his original show with Oprah about his own sexual abuse. Dr. Fradkin says that the little boy didn't die, and that the men now are fighting to protect that little boy inside, essentially giving him the life he deserves. He says it's important to let that little boy say his truth, to give him a chance to heal.

A Child Molester's Perspective
Last year, Oprah sat down with four child molesters, and she shows a segment from that show. Oprah asks one man if he loved the little girl he abused, and he says yes. She asks then if he's thought about how he affected her, and the man says he spent a lot of time thinking about it, and that he thinks he kills who she could have been. He says he basically murdered a person.

Moving Forward
One man, Daniel, tells Oprah that seeing that moment from that show impacted him deeply, because he didn't tell his parents for nearly 30 years. Realizing that he feels like his abuser killed who he could have been makes him wonder if he could have been a different father, a different husband, a different person. Oprah says that her favorite definition of forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.  She says you have to mourn what has happened but not to stay there.

Dr. Fradkin says you must fully mourn what happened, but you can't move forward until you have fully mourned and most people need professional help to do this. He points out that the abuser said he loved the little girl he abused, but that's never love, yet the abused person rarely can fully get this through the mess of confusion that is imposed on them as they are being abused. Dr. Fradkin says that you must learn tools and techniques to go back and rescue the abused boy, and then to bring him back to the present to have one life together with the man who lives now.

The Abused Becomes The Abuser?
One man says that one of the most hurtful myths is that if a boy is abused then he'll grow up to become an abuser. This is the reason, he says, so many boys never say anything, because they don't want anyone to think they'll grow up to become "one of them." Dr. Fradkin says that it is a myth, and that it's a very small minority of men who go on to become molesters. He explains that many men who are perpetrators were abused themselves, but that many men who were abused abhor that kind of violence and would never do that to anyone. Dr. Fradkin concurs that many men don't come forward because they fear the stigma.

One key point he makes is that many abused men don't like to be around children because they fear any situation that makes them uncomfortable. Something so simple as changing a diaper can cause a flashback or bring up the horrible feelings and cause a man to recoil from children. This can affect many abused men who become fathers.

Getting Help
Dr. Fradkin says it's important to get help and Oprah asks where. Dr. Fradkin says you have to find a therapist; if there's no therapist in your area, then look online and find a community where you can find other survivors for support. Oprah says she's been thinking about prison and how many men are probably there because they were abused and turned to rage and violence.

Oprah's site has resources; you can see them here:

http://www.oprah.com/packages/sexual-abuse-resource-center.html

Donna & Mark
Eight years ago, a man Mark came out on Oprah's show talked about being abused by his priest. A woman named Donna was watching the show and her husband Ray saw the priest's blurred out photo and Ray whispered, "I'd know that face anywhere." That was the day she found out that same priest had sexually abused her husband. For their 24 year marriage her husband was distant and they even considered divorce. Her husband reached out to Mark, and that began the process of healing. The priest was never convicted and the church never accepted liability for the abuse. Three months ago Donna's husband Ray died in her arms after suffering a major heart attack, but today she gets to tell Mark thank you for saving her marriage and helping her husband to heal. Donna tells Mark that if he had not had his courage to come forward, and that her husband would not have been able to die in peace after finding so much healing through support groups after coming forward.

Oprah closes by saying that she's grateful that any current victim or survivor gets to watch this show and know, "I am not the only one."

Gospel Filter Review (GFR)

I'm still not feeling great, and through watching this show much of the material is best addressed in the previous 200 Men post  as well as the original Tyler Perry post, and other posts from shows dealing with the theme of sexual abuse. I will say that this subject matter is heartbreaking and that I cried many tears writing this recap; that may be part of why I'm so worn out today in particular.


Up Monday

Whoopi Goldberg Clearing Up Feud Rumors and The Color Purple Reunion